Hello my name is Darren, I am 18 and a senior in High School. And I have been discerning a call to the priesthood since Febuary 2009. I remember the night well that I received God’s call. Well I will begin by stating were I am coming from. I was born to a German Caucasian drug addict mother and a African American Schizophrenic Vietnam War Vetran Father. I lived with my faithfully Catholic ( pregnant about 20 times; succesfully had 12 kids) grandma and Grandpa untill I was three. When I was three I was taken in by my aunt and uncle who I claim as my parents. They pretty much raised me as Catholic other than the fact they had me baptized in my biological fathers United Methodist Church. Anyways they took me to mass every sunday, enrolled me into ccd at age 6, received my first communion, we get a pastor accused of fondling a boy when he, the pastor, was in seminary. So my mom stops going to church keeps me in CCD, and eventually she stops altogether, still goes to mass on Christmas eve, easter, and when her grandkids have first communion. She is basically almost anti-church now. She doesn’t believe in the real presence, she use to yell at me when I wanted to return to church from grade 9. She is anti-clerical, believes the church is a big business looking for money, shuts you up when you want to discuss church, or your faith. And Basically hates the fact that I think God is calling me. Well the situation use to be much worser but has been getting better due to God’s grace. When I was first called I couldn’t get her to consider dropping me off to mass, she only agreed to take me to confirmation class on wed. (which I was confirmed).
So now that I have described my mother, here is my problem. I would like to attend Seminary this fall, but I don’t have any money what-so-ever to get through college. She will only help me out if I go for what she see’s fit, which is nursing. I don’t know anything about what I can do with attending college seminary. What I understand the Archdioces only pays for major seminary. I feel like I am stuck in quick sand (because fall will be getting here very fast). I don’t know what to do.
Now I am also a quiet guy, kinda of shy, trying to break out of that with God’s grace. I started singing in the choir to step out of my comfort zone. And I heard that you are suppose to speak to your Spiritual Director (my pastor) regularly. Being the quite person I am , I run out of things to ask and talk about fast, my mind goes blank. What Should I discuss, or ask.
I have a very strong desire to Serve God’s church, to love it’s people, to be a pastor, to listen to people.
And to all people discerning/seminarians/priest, I would like to hear your expierences as far as discernment process, and seminary life goes. I am looking for new friends who are in process. I am looking for brothers. I have two, but they are legally and biologically cousins, and I don’t think they view me as a brother. What I really need is a support group, which I don’t receive in this family and at my secular school. Which is hard on someone like me or anybody discerning.
Please pray for me. Thanks with love in Christ Darren.