I need advice from fellow men who are at least 25 years old


#1

Hi
So i’m very guilty of lust…
i’m a guy in my late 20’s… i don’t know what to do about this sin… I have tried everything that the Church recommends to do in these circumstances, but it hasn’t worked for me. I’m thinking about quitting my job . When i’m unemployed, i go everyday to mass and that greatly helps me to fight against such sin…
what should i do?
i’m a virgin guy, and you can’t imagine how much i suffer because of this sin… i’m constantly committing lustful sins (masturbation, pornography, dirty thoughts) … everything would be easier if i could get castrated… i don’t know what’s the point of me having sexual desires when it’s very likely that i’m never gonna get married since i don’t have any of the qualities that a woman want a man to have (leader, assertive, funny, etc) that’s because i’m a very shy man.

please tell me what should i do?


#2

Sexual sin is among the most tempting, because our natural urges to procreate are so strong. Most of us experience lust. It’s natural. Just don’t engage it, or redirect it.

As far as not being able to get married- Don’t be so down on yourself! Even if you’re an introvert, you can develop skills to seek and court the lady that is meant for you. Read self-help books, try to seek help from a counselor, perhaps, maybe a life trainer… Our natures as human beings, even though its not perfect, is very powerful- we are made in the image of God. As such, you can transcend those limitations that you currently have. Trust in God and in your God-given capabilities.


#3

First, I would like to remind you that God loves you - not because you are perfect, but because you are you. It can be very distressing to feel as though you are displeasing God, but quite frankly, none of us are perfect. It took me so long to realize this (and really, it happened in a moment of grace, so I can’t even take credit for that). So, while you are struggling, know that God loves you.

Second, you are on to something with the mass. Quitting your job may be a bit extreme, though. An important thing to remember is that we are going to just will our negative desires or temptations away. We must replace them with something good. Something we want even more. I personally struggled with the exact same things in spite of being married.

Once I was finally able to open my heart to God and just not worry about pleasing or displeasing Him, things became much easier. I still have nights where temptation just feels thrust upon me, and honestly, it can be rough. Somehow, though, it is different. There is a real strength in knowing God will be will me through the temptation. He will stand by my side and keel me from falling - as long as I don’t push Him away.


#4

Most dioceases have special programs to help deal with these problems. Check the dioceasan web cite. If it doesn’t mention one ask your pastor if he knows of one.

You have to cut the porn - now. If you have to, cut out the computer, T.V. Read the lives of the Saints for encouragement. Have a regular routine of prayer life, get at least one hour a day of moderate exercise.No drugs or alcohol. Get a good, innocent, cheep hobby. Volunteer your time to help others - something in Catholic Charaties for instance. Don’t worry about getting married, that will not solve your problem and that would be a great disappoint to your wife. Avoid the occasions, whatever is leading to these incidents. Don’t give up…

Linus2nd .


#5

First, thoughts are not sin but temptation but they become sin when you engage them.

The less you engage this and act on these temptations the easier it is.

Try this:

Resolve to abstain for 40 days (yes lent is over but your giving up sexual impurity for this “lent”. In 40 days you will have formed new habits.
Pray the Rosary every morning (I like to listen and pray along to Rosary Army podcast)
Conclude your rosary with a special petition from your heart for deliverance. Say the our father and Hail Mary for this.
Download the litany of the saints and sincerely pray for the saints intercession

Go to confession now. Confess this. Tell the priest your plan.
Go to mass every week at least once a week. If you can go daily go daily.

If you stumble, go to confession and do not take the Eucharist until you have gone.

Go to the same confessor for this. You need the shame and embarrassment as motivation.

Exercise everyday (even just walking outside)
Read a spiritual book (not related to sexual sin)

Get someone to help you.

If you want to try this I will act as a partner for you. I will email (pm) you everyday to ask how you are doing in this area.

You can overcome this. Jesus will take it. The Blessed Mother will pray for you and you can be healed.

Prayers for you,


#6

You do not have to quit your job. That would make you idle and an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. If you cannot get to mass, why not try to say the daily rosary.

Congratulations on being a virgin at this age.

**i’m never gonna get married **

That’s rubbish. Not everyone is a leader, assertive and funny. There are tons of women out there who are shy and would not want a too aggressive man. Don’t go for the overtly pretty or cheerleading captain. An average nice girl would be your type.


#7

My suggestions:

  1. Ask Blessed Jacinta Marto to pray for you. Her intercession is very powerful in this area (personal experience).

  2. Develop your spiritual life (spiritual reading, meditation and prayer)

  3. Every morning pray the Litany of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Every Evening pray the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Every night, before you go to sleep, pray the Litany of the Holy Spirit.

This is only a beginning. If you can, you should find a spiritual director. Every catholic should have one.


#8

1Corinthians 6:8-Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

Flee from sexual sin. All other sins you are supposed to stand and fight, but this is one sin you should flee from. Cut everything out of your life that leads to this sin. If this means not having an internet connection, downgrading from a “smart” phone to an old phone, or having an internet blocking mechanism…do it. Also, this isn’t easy. You need to think about what causes you to turn to these coping mechanism (loneliness, stress, idleness), and see what you can do to head off the urges early, and find new ways to deal with the underlying problem. Exercise is the best way to deal with it, but you’ve said you tried all the coping mechanisms. I’m 26, I struggled when I was younger, and it never goes away, but you have to find something else to fill the gap. I joined a running group, trained for a marathon, stayed active, and promised myself that I would die before turning to that stuff again. It’s not going to be easy…but take heart, many others struggle with the same issue.

P.S.- My best coping mechanism is to log onto C.A. forum and read about other people struggling, then you can see it for what it is ( a sin), and are reminded of the way that you would feel afterwards.

P.S.S. - Many say that diet does indeed affect our inclination to lust. I’ve seemed to have notice this, as high protein/fat foods (cheese/meats) increase sex drive. Where complex carbohydrates (whole wheat, vegetables) help knock it down.


#9

Hi

There has been much loving and well meant advice in the replies.

I once walked a very long way from one side of Rome to the other.

How did I manage it? I started walking and decided that I would walk to the next bus stop. When I arrived at the next stop, I then resolved to continue again to the next stop. Going like this, a bit at a time, without any stress, I ended up walking the entire journey. It was a long way!

Maybe this would help you. Every day when you wake up. Make the resolution that ‘today’ I am not going to masturbate or watch porn. Then you feel great at the end of the day. The next day do the same thing. It is much easier to work at it a day at a time. You will then get into the habit of not sinning in this area.


#10

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation.

Although temptations are so troublesome and grievous, yet they are often profitable to us, for by them we are humbled, cleansed, and instructed. All the Saints endured many trials and temptations, and profited by them; but those who could not resist temptations became reprobate, and fell away. There is no Order so holy, nor place so secluded, where there are no troubles and temptations.

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him.

Some people undergo their heaviest temptations at the beginning of their conversion; some towards the end of their course; others are greatly troubled all their lives; while there are some whose temptations are but light. This is in accordance with the wisdom and justice of God’s ordinance, who weighs the condition and merits of every man, and disposes all things for the salvation of those whom He chooses.

**We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear it.” So, let us humble ourselves under the hand of God, in every trial and trouble, for He will save and raise up the humble in Spirit. In all these trials, our progress is tested; in them great merit may be secured, and our virtue become evident. It is no great matter if we are devout and fervent when we have no troubles; but if we show patience in adversity, we can make great progress in virtue. Some are spared severe temptations, but are overcome in the lesser ones of every day, in order that they may be humble, and learn not to trust in themselves, but to recognize their frailty. **
-The Imitation of Christ, Book 1, Chapter 13

LOVE! :heart:


#11

Dear CatholicGuy25,

Hi, I think I have some resources that may help you.

Jason and Crystalina Evert are a married couple who share their AMAZING testimony about God and how He brought them together. Both of them struggled with lust in various ways.

Here is their Facebook, and official website where you can purchase Jason’s CD Porn Detox. You should also check out the blog and Q & A topic about Pornography. You should also check out Matt Fradd and his website, as well as Covenant Eyes.

I also strongly suggest you visit the Angelic Wafare Confraternity website and enroll. This is a spiritual fellowship that prays for all members of the group with the intention of growing in chastity.

As for the “I’m never getting married” thing you said, I think the devil is trying to put despair and doubt into your mind to give you the idea that lust is the only way you can find fulfillment. Don’t listen to those thoughts. Every time you have a thought like that, pray a Hail Mary for your future bride. That way, you will be making progress and stepping ever closer to your future spouse! Write her letters about your struggles that you can give to her during your honeymoon. Don’t give up. Because, what if she waits for you, and you never show??

TruthSeeker92


#12

I’m so glad to hear someone mention Jacinta Marto. What a wonderful saintly girl.


#13

Don’t give up buddy. I was 25 and a half years of age when I stoped and now I am 30.

What happen to me was I simply broke down and cried twice because I knew it was wrong and I was scared of hell.

-You must go to confession even if you have to go often like twice a month or even once a week. Confession strengthens you. You walk out of there stronger.

  • Start praying the Rosary because the rosary helps you from worldly desire and destroys vice and helps you reduce sin. Google the rosary for 15 promises for reciting the rosary.

  • You must start taking steps like destroy all pictures and magazines that you have and do your very very best not to go searching for porn on the internet and TV.

It will be hard at first but you will get on top of this. Also this shy business I just want to say I fill looking at porn and masturbating and so on destroys us in being able to be aroun d women and talking to women and we really don’t know how to be around the opposite sex’s. Once you get on top of this you will be different around females.


#14

A bottle of whiskey and two half-bricks should do the trick! :slight_smile: Or perhaps two bottles of whiskey and two half-bricks. Or you can buy those horrible Victorian contraptions which will stop nature in its tracks.

The more you consider this unfortunate, sad habit, the more you realise that nature is indeed a woman…

Best wishes,
Padster


#15

This is not true. Don’t let the media, TV or anything like that fool you into thinking what a man should be. Maybe this isn’t the place to discuss dating tips but not all women are into hyper-assertive types. Of course being shy makes it difficult to meet the type of women who might like shy types, but they are out there. The best thing is to stop trying to fit some stereotype of how you think you should be and trying to be yourself more. Appreciate yourself. Believe in yourself. The rest follows on from there. Oh and yes of course, you’ll never meet a girl in front of your computer so become more social and do more stuff with other people, not in order to get a date, but you may find you get one as a result of that. A good place to start is your church. They probably have some program with social events for young people to mingle and hang out together.


#16

I know you meant this well, Linus, but I don’t think you expressed it well. I am sure that the OP wants to get married for other reasons than avoiding sin. He longs for intimacy, for relationship, for love. These are his deepest needs.

It will be unimaginably difficult for him to stop sinning, in the long run, unless he gets these needs met. I myself have spent years setting up systems and creating habits to avoid sin, but in the moment of temptation, when I feel terribly alone and cut off, none of those systems or habits help. The enemy is loneliness.

Of course, you’re right that a person with a sexual addiction should show marked improvement in chastity before getting married. But the concern there is not disappointing your wife – we can’t control if our past actions disappoint people – but rather entering into a promise you cannot keep. So the OP should grow in chastity before marriage, but he doesn’t need to be anywhere near perfect before pursuing marriage.


#17

catholicguy25,

I would encourage you to think less, in the short term, about marriage, and more about friendship. As I said above, you need intimacy and love, and I suspect that porn is where you go when you feel this emptiness and need. What sorts of friendships with other men do you have? In my experience, such friendships are quite as important as my marriage in terms of meeting my need for love and intimacy, and in helping me to keep my head above water, in terms of temptation.


#18

I think you’re on the right track, but I’d like to point out that God should be the one to meet the OP’s need for love and companionship, not a potential wife. Marriage can be the pathway for some people to keep loneliness from overwhelming them, but even within marriage the point is to grow closer to God in cooperation with our spouse, not just to grow closer to another creature. Plenty of people are still lonely within marriage these days, because we’ve lost sight of the sacramental purpose of having a husband or wife. In our modern culture we have to be careful not to confuse the means with the end, even if the intentions are noble.


#19

I’ll give youa tip - after stopping for a month or two - the desire goes away and your mind turns away from it - you have to get to that point first and it is a struggle - and to continue along that path you have to pray daily for Gods grace. You must have a daily prayer routine in order to succeed. It may take years to get there but you must always continue to try never giving up - and you will get there one day if you do this.

When you feel this desire - remember God is watching - all of heaven is watching - and if you keep that in mind you won’t do it. It should ruin any though of it.


#20

Um, that would totally not help me. It would just make me feel more ashamed and worthless – feelings that drive me to sin. To each his own, I guess.


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