I need direction...

We have been told that it would be very risky, potentially life-threatening if I were to conceive again. We have been told this by multiple doctors. This is a huge cross for me, because I would love to have more children. I’m only saying this because under normal circumstances, we would be open to conception. In fact, if things were normal, I would want a lot of kids.

I had a baby five months ago who was a preemie, and since that time we have abstained because there is not an NFP method we can currently use. My cycles are not back to normal due to breastfeeding. The Sypto-Thermal method is the NFP method that we are familiar with, but it relies on you to take your temp the same time each morning. Right now this is impossible due to the baby’s sleep/wake cycles and also due to my spiking blood pressure issues during the night (I had preeclampsia and I’m still dealing with the hypertension). Also, it relies on you to have your period so you can tell what phase of fertility you are in. We tried finding classes to learn the Creighton Method and Marquette Method. There is nothing available in or even around our area. Anyway, our issue isn’t with NFP. Contraception isn’t an option. I just wanted to give you a bit of our backstory.

Without going into too much detail, there have been a couple times within the last five months where we have given in to temptation and was “contraceptive” without neccessarily using contraception. When it happened, it was never a planned thing, but it happened. We know we had sinned, felt immediately repentant afterward and made every effort to go to confession at the next available opportunity. It pains me to think that we’re continually falling into mortal sin. Is this mortal? If something were to happen to one of us, I don’t want us to be sent to hell.

Please no lectures because it’s hard enough to share something this personal with complete strangers. If anything, please pray for me and my husband. I’m grateful for a healthy child, but I struggle with the fact that I can’t have more. Children are such a blessing! However, God is good ALL of the time, and ultimately I want what He wants, even though I’m struggling right now.

The ultimate decision are made by you, not anyone on this forum, not your priest, not The Church.

I am sorry about your situation and I can somehow understand how hard life is right now for you and your husband. Keep in mind that God do understand, forgive and love you, no matter what. He want to save us all, including the sinners. You can talk with a pastor, but he can only say what The RCC teach, what he may think is another matter. Your question is a hard one, and important for us all. What should we follow, our heart or The Church or both? In this case I think you need to rely on God’s love and understanding. The truth, alas, is that nobody on this forum can say what you should do. If I say “yes” I sin, if I say “no” I am a bad and hard person. So what I will say is that have faith and comfort that God love you and make your decision guided by that love. God bless you, and I will pray for you, I offer one decade of my dayli Rosary for you, praying that God in His everlasting love will guide you and help you do what is right.

uh…no. Everyone needs to follow the teachings of the Church.

You need to find a Catholic doctor who is in line with the Church to help you. There are organizations too that you can call and get advice from who deal with these kinds of problems and give guidance that is in line with the Church. I can’t remember the name of it offhand, but just google catholic doctors. Even if you can’t see one in your area, you could still talk to one on the phone or something. They could direct you to get more help.

Thank you both for your suggestions, especially for the prayers. I had an NFP- only family physician, but she left the practice a few months back, so I’m on the search for another one.

The Paul VI institute may be able to help you–if you need help with the link, let me know.

As to sin, it sounds like you and your husband are trying not to sin. You are repenting when it happens, confessing your sin to a priest, and have a desire to avoid the sin in the future.

While avoiding sin is of course the ideal, Christ knew that we would not all be ideal and set up a system for that. You are doing what Christ wants us to do when we sin, and that is wonderful!

In the saints’ writings about our battle against sin, this is precisely what they recommend: once one realizes one has fallen, one picks up the sword for renewed battle, just as you and your husband have done, not just lay there in the mud.

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