I need HELP answering an important sex question


#1

Today we had a speaker come to our school to talk to our class on abstinence. The questions she has had to field are pretty tough, and one in particular which I felt was not answered completely and wasn’t sure how I would answer was:

What if the couple is determined to have sex outside of marriage? Wouldn’t it be better for them to use protection?

What is the correct Catholic answer to that question?

I would really appreciate your imput; I’m going to be giving my own chastity talk in two weeks and am sure a question like this will pop up and want to give a solid Catholic answer.

Thanks!


#2

Dear pro-life_teen,

There is a “chastity” tab on the CA home page with Chastity Q&A that seems to address your question. I don’t know if you will find them satisfactory because I don’t know what the speaker you already saw said that you didn’t.

Anyway, the questions I found closest to yours were:

Abstinence is fine, but don’t you think they should teach about condoms for those who aren’t going to be pure?

or

**Isn’t using birth control better than increasing the number of STDs, teen pregnancies, and abortions?

Alan
**


#3

What is the greater sin? Adultery or adultery and murder…?


#4

No, that would be compounding sins. One sin plus one sin, doesn’t equal “no sins” or “less serious sins”. It equals two sins.

One a personal note: I have a brother who was **determined **to have sex outside of marriage. He and his girlfriend said it wasn’t anyones business and that “they weren’t hurting anyone”. They were using contraception, a shot that was given at Planned Parenthood. They had a baby, which resulted in both my brother and his girlfriend dropping out of high school, living in poverty, becoming temporarily homeless with an infant, and then giving that child up for adoption when she was about 6 months old.

I think they would have been less determined had they had foresight (hindsight is 20/20 of course) and the training in abstinence.

My brother has since cleaned up his life. (Mostly) But his now ex-girlfriend has had another child (which she gave up) and two abortions.


#5

I remember another thread on these kinds of questions back in the summer. (For example, a related question was the use of condoms by homosexual couples to avoid STDs.) Unfortunately, everyone had their own opinion, but no one managed to locate any official Church teachings that would settle the matter. Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul VI’s encyclical against birth control, was set completely in the context of married couples, as nobody had any doubt that sex outside of marriage is gravely sinful.

I don’t even remember if we came to a conclusion whether “more sinful” or “less sinful” was a valid concept when comparing mortal sins, since any mortal sin separates you from God.


#6

Pro-Life teen—

Protection from what? Getting pregnant? Oh, the pill might work ok for that. But it won’t stop STD’s. A condom? It might not prevent a pregnancy. And condoms don’t prevent the spread of some STD’s, many of which can lead to sterilization of young women.

Are they ready for a committed life together? Because if they aren’t, the girl risks being a single unwed mother. Beyond that, she risks getting an STD that might cause her to not have children. Both could get an STD and pass it on to other partners later in life.

What if neither have had sex yet and there is no STD risk? Why have sex? Is it for selfish reasons? Again, it is for selfish reasons if they are not ready for a lifelong commitment. Having sex the first time is a big decision, but after that it is easier and easier with different partners. Then the STD’s will almost assuredly appear. The baggage that one carries around from past sexual experiences can have unintended consequences in future relationships, physically and psychologically.

If everyone trusted God’s plan for sex and love, the world would be a lot better off. But we all have free will!

Good luck in your chastity talk!! :thumbsup: BTW, if you are giving chastity talks, what kind of resources or materials are you using for your talks?


#7

The most prevalent STD affects women and can eventually lead to cervical cancer, miscarriage and death. I can’t think of the name of the actual STD, but it is spread simply by skin to skin contact, not necessarily through intercourse. Therefore, “protection” would be no “protection” at all. It is not worth harming someone or yourself for life because you are “determined”. And this speaks nothing of the damage to the eternal soul.

Straight and truthful talk is the only way to go here. You cannot enable someone to do the wrong thing.


#8

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Fornication is wrong, and contraception is wrong.

I remember years ago a young lad who had a habit of backing about a block down our street to get to the house next door to us. The street was one way, and he didn’t want to go the extra blocks to come at the house in the correct direction.

One day he did it when there was a policeman there to see it. There were two charges on the ticket: driving the wrong way on a one way street, and backing into traffic.

Blessings,

Gerry


#9

Thanks for all your advice! It was very helpful!
:blessyou:

“Good luck in your chastity talk!! BTW, if you are giving chastity talks, what kind of resources or materials are you using for your talks?”

Our group has been using Jason Everts materials- the Pure Love booklet; his book, If You Really Loved Me; watching his and Crystallina’s video, Romance Without Regret; and Pam Stenzel’s videos and book. We have some handouts and stuff from Victory Won and Heritage House too.

I’m also reading the Pope’s book, Love and Responsibility- that is some hard, deep reading! I have to read each page a few times to grasp what he’s talking about.

Anyway, thanks again!


#10

Hi Pro-life teen (I love your name!!)

It’s such a slippery slope because look at how it could be argued… If teens are determined to have sex, wouldn’t it be better if they used contraception? Well, yes… so they don’t get pregnant. And if they get pregnant, wouldn’t it be better to have an abortion, rather than bringing an unwanted child into the world? Many would agrue yes. But that’s wrong. As other posters have said, you are just adding sin on top of sin on top of sin. What a mess! Sooooo the smart is answer is don’t have sex until you are married. YOU are worth the wait. (But YOU already knew that, didn’t you!!!:slight_smile:


#11

Rather than “two wrongs don’t make a right,” I think the real issue at stake is the principle that the end does not justify the means. Contraception is intrinsically sinful – by its very nature, always, in every situation. Thus, it is never excusable, let alone “better,” to use it.


#12

[quote=KiwiCatholic86]Rather than “two wrongs don’t make a right,” I think the real issue at stake is the principle that the end does not justify the means. Contraception is intrinsically sinful – by its very nature, always, in every situation. Thus, it is never excusable, let alone “better,” to use it.
[/quote]

I think you’ve hit on one of the important underlying principles that determine why “two wrongs don’t make a right.” :thumbsup:

Blessings,

Gerry


#13

[quote=Monoxide]What is the greater sin? Adultery or adultery and murder…?
[/quote]

The more responses I read, including the ones I linked to, the more I’m starting to see the wisdom in this post by “Monoxide.”

If they are determined to have sex and want to know, why not use birth control, if we knew that they would most certainly kill the baby if they did conceive, then contraception could effectively avoid a greater sin. That is, unless we think abortion is no worse than contraception.

I still cannot see how adultery/fornication + contraception is any more sinful than adultery/fornication without contraception. This is sex that isn’t supposed to happen anyway, so why do we think that if it happens at all, it should be done well? Telling them they should not use contraception if they have heathen sex is like telling them that if they knife somebody they should be careful not to spill any blood on themselves or on the carpet.

Alan


#14

What if the couple is determined to have sex outside of marriage? Wouldn’t it be better for them to use protection?

What is the correct Catholic answer to that question?

Well, that’s just it. If they are not going to listen to the Church on fornication, why on earth would they listen to it on contraception? Once they start down this wicked path, they are on their own. No way should we be sucked into this rabbit trail.

Scott


#15

Thanks again! I’ve found some good responses here that I can really use!


#16

[quote=Brad]The most prevalent STD affects women and can eventually lead to cervical cancer, miscarriage and death. I can’t think of the name of the actual STD, but it is spread simply by skin to skin contact, not necessarily through intercourse. Therefore, “protection” would be no “protection” at all. It is not worth harming someone or yourself for life because you are “determined”. And this speaks nothing of the damage to the eternal soul.

Straight and truthful talk is the only way to go here. You cannot enable someone to do the wrong thing.
[/quote]

That would be the Human Papoloma Virus - HPV - for short. It is the fastest growing STD, and condoms don’t do squat to prevent the spread of this disease, which is indeed linked to cervical cancer and infertility…


#17

[quote=pro-life_teen]What if the couple is determined to have sex outside of marriage? Wouldn’t it be better for them to use protection?

Thanks!
[/quote]

NO it wouldn’t be better. We Christians (Catholics) need to STAND for morality here–just like you do too among your friends. To simply say if you’re going to have sex anyway --might as well use protection is severely compromising your values.

DON’T compromise–stand for truth!!! If mistakes are made–folks will have to suffer the consequences. We must all, young and old have convictions!

God Bless You Sister for even asking!!!

Be one who stands for what is right O.K.? You can do it!!!


#18

If you can’t be chaste, yes be prudent.
No it won’t mitigate the sin, but you’ll lessen the tempral punishment due to stupidity.


#19

[quote=pro-life_teen]Today we had a speaker come to our school to talk to our class on abstinence. The questions she has had to field are pretty tough, and one in particular which I felt was not answered completely and wasn’t sure how I would answer was:

What if the couple is determined to have sex outside of marriage? Wouldn’t it be better for them to use protection?

What is the correct Catholic answer to that question?

I would really appreciate your imput; I’m going to be giving my own chastity talk in two weeks and am sure a question like this will pop up and want to give a solid Catholic answer.

Thanks!
[/quote]

The correct Catholic answer is that fornication and contraception are both sins and can never be condoned or promoted.

Somehow the sexual issues cloud the ability to think logically about a situation. So, use a different sin:

By way of analogy, if you had a friend who was determined to rob a bank would you say, “here, take this mask so at least you can reduce the probability of being caught”. No, you would not. If you were to do so you would be cooperating with sin by promoting the sin. You should, in the situation where your friend is determined to steal, continue to tell him why it is wrong, how it can be harmful, and do all you can to prevent his sin (including calling the police). “Protecting” him from being caught may have a temporal benefit (for the friend, not for the one stolen from) but it in no way protects him from the eternal consequences of stealing.

So, if someone is going to fornicate, should you say “here, take this condom, so you at least reduce your chances of …” No, you should not.

BTW, contraception only reduces, not eliminates, the physical consequences of illicit sex and can never “protect” someone from the spiritual consequences. From what are they being protected when using contraception? Temporal consequences perhaps, but never the eternal ones.


#20

[quote=1ke]By way of analogy, if you had a friend who was determined to rob a bank would you say, “here, take this mask so at least you can reduce the probability of being caught”. No, you would not. If you were to do so you would be cooperating with sin by promoting the sin. You should, in the situation where your friend is determined to steal, continue to tell him why it is wrong, how it can be harmful, and do all you can to prevent his sin (including calling the police). “Protecting” him from being caught may have a temporal benefit (for the friend, not for the one stolen from) but it in no way protects him from the eternal consequences of stealing.
[/quote]

That is a rather clever analogy! Thanks, I think I will keep this one on file somewhere to use it when I need it.:thumbsup:


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