I have time to say a bit more now.
Personally, I have had an intense and unrelenting attraction to men since I was probably about 11. I grew up at a different time, so there was little opportunity to act on it, aside from an addiction to pornography that developed and has plagued me ever since. I know the self-hatred you’re feeling, the longing to be normal, the longing to be open and the terror of being fully known. I know how deeply you hide, and how much you long to break it all open into the light.
Don’t buy into shame. Shame is the devil’s tool. The devil wants you ashamed of everything you are, every sin you’ve committed; the devil wants you in mortal terror of being “found out.”
You cannot fall for that trick. You need to reveal yourself, voluntarily, to people you trust. You need to be prayed with. You need to be intimate with people, emotionally. It is really, really hard; I know from experience. But do it. It is the path to healing.
People do not get free of addictions alone. Nor with only online help. You need to be daring, my brother! God loves you so much He sent his only son to die for you. His son knew men who had sex with other men, and showed them brotherly love. Do not think you are beyond God’s love. You are lovable.