I need help with this. Re: communion


#1

Oh boy, where to start? There’s just so much.

First let me start by saying that I realize there is a real spiritual war going on for our souls. And that Satan pulls no punches.

I have always believed in transubstantiation and with my recent reversion and coming back to the Catholic church, and from what I have seen, I don’t just believe, I know, deep in my gut and my soul, that the Eucharist is THE body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. I assure you, there is NO doubt for me.

A bit of history. I have been lapsed for nearly 20 years. I have made attempts to “come back.” But there was always something that kept me away. I noticed too a pattern. When I’d start a class to get confirmed (I was baptised Catholic and have had first communion) my life would get, how do you say? Tumultuous. The only way I could describe it would be that, once I’d stop attending Mass or church, things would calm down.

And it happened again! Recently, I learned of the opportunity to confirm May 31st, and that a church here in town was having a 4 week adult confirmation class. It was truly by God’s grace I called in time to get my name on the list. This was like, 4 days before the first class.

But as always, things cropped up. My boyfriend and I argued more about religion, although we actually do agree and see eye to eye. I’d get grumpy or angry or self righteous (even the boards here, I’m terribly sorry and have been trying to refrain), or just other … crud (I am trying to clean up my language too :smiley: ) that I know were I to stay away things would “calm down” and life would be “easier.” I hate to admit this, and I have gone to confession about this and am now in a state of grace, but even recently I have been taking communion while NOT in a state of grace. :eek: Like I said, I have confessed that and all other sins. So I’m good. :thumbsup:

I’ve had a serious wake up. And I don’t mean just a spiritual awakening. Through us (me and my boyfriend who is Byzantine Catholic) receiving communion again it’s like, I didn’t just wake up, (as I did several years ago, actually) but I’ve had a light TURNED ON for me about Christ. I broke down and cried that I had denied myself communion over stupid trivial things and I was so sad to have missed receiving communion for nearly 20 years. I was MOURNING that loss. The good news is that I am receiving communion now.

Okay, all of that being said I can get into the latest … battle. I guess because I don’t just believe, but I know that communion is the body and blood of Christ, and I am receiving him while in a state of grace, I have yet another evil thought that I have not been able to shake, that I feel so awful for having, that even prayer hasn’t been able to get rid of it. It’s like it’s just NEEDLING me.

Remember, keep this “spiritual war” idea in mind when I mention what is going on.

After I took communion, while in a state of grace and all my sins confessed and penance completed, later that afternoon a horrible thought came into my head. I can’t even begin to express the horribleness of it and the evil… feeling to it. I just feel so awful.

The horrible thought that came into my head was this: “How can a God, have his people eat his flesh?” I want to cry right now thinking about this. The thought comes with a very evil bent, a horrible … voice behind it. I had the thought again on Monday to the point that I got nauseated, physically ill, just thinking about taking communion. Yeah, part of what is behind that one question is the idea of cannibalism. I KNOW that’s not what we do. I cried about this horrible thought in my head that my boyfriend really tried to console me.

One, prayer has not been able to shake this needling question. The wretchedness behind it.This question is not putting doubt in me, but it’s making me ill, physically ill. There’s a quieter, just as sinister voice behind it saying, “If you don’t take communion, you will not be eating your god. And you won’t feel ill and all of this will stop.” I just know this is another attempt to keep me away from communion.

Has anyone else gone through this? How do I get rid of this? I know I need to speak to a priest about it. I don’t think I am even adequately expressing just how awful I feel about this. The sinister feeling and voice behind that question that I have not been able to shake. It’s also very scary.

:frowning:


#2

Also, one more question in addition to my long and hairy post. Why DID Jesus have us eat his body and blood for communion? I’m not understanding that. Why eat to be in communion? Why not something else?


#3

The people who walked with Jesus had the same question!! Some of them even walked away from Jesus over this.

Spend some time in prayer with the sixth chapter of John, the Bread of Life discourse begins around vs 23…

Here is what the disciples said:

**"“This saying is hard; who can accept it?” **
** ****Since Jesus knew that his disciples were murmuring about this, he said to them, “Does this shock you? **** ****What if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before? **** It is the spirit that gives life, while the flesh is of no avail. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and life. ****But there are some of you who do not believe.” Jesus knew from the beginning the ones who would not believe and the one who would betray him. **** ****And he said, “For this reason I have told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by my Father.” ****As a result of this, many (of) his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him. **** ****Jesus then said to the Twelve, “Do you also want to leave?” ****Simon Peter answered him, "Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. **** **We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God."


#4

This is EXACTLY where I am right now. There IS NO where else to go, especially when you know, when you’re convinced, that Jesus is God.

I’ve only just recently started the New Testament and just started Luke. I think I’ll “skip ahead” and read John.

I just want this needling question to go away. I’m so scared, so scared to think that Jesus would see I’m doubting Him and denying Him again when being in communion with Him is really the only thing I crave right now. Which is why I am not going to stop going to communion even with these thoughts.


#5

My dear friend

I had diabolical thoughts for years. I won’t repeat them.,It can be a blessing in disguise because the cross is a great blessing. It’s a cross permitted by God to purify, cleanse and sanctify us. From what you say you should bless God for this opportunity to be purified and remain faithful to Him in the face of such adversity. Remain faithful and persevere and God will be exceedingly pleased with you and you’ll atone for any sins. It’s a blessing. Pray the rosary and ask your Blessed Mother to help you and She will. They’re only thoughts and thoughts can’t hurt you. We become what we eat and must eat the body and blood of the Lord to become holy, sons of God destined for eternal life. It’s the spirit that gives life, the flesh is of no avail - our Blessed Lord said. Think about the life of God coming into you, the Spirit transforming you into a new creation. A child of God. truly a child and not a creature or servant. God loves you intensely. He loves you with infinite love and no matter what. He’s crazy about you. can’t live without you. Insanely in love with you. He wants to be with you for all eternity. He must really love you. God will always love you like this. Just love Him back and do your best and all will be well. You’ll go to heaven. i hope this helps you. I’ll pray for you.

God bless you:thumbsup::slight_smile:
John


#6

Regarding your thought: “How can a God, have his people eat his flesh?”

Think about this:

  1. The Old Testament conceals the New and the New Testament reveals the Old.

  2. In the Old Testament Genesis 22 [7] And Isaac said to his father Abraham, “My father!” And he said, “Here am I, my son.” He said, “Behold, the fire and the wood; but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?”
    [8] Abraham said, “**God will provide himself the lamb **for a burnt offering, my son.” So they went both of them together.

  3. In the Old Testament as required for The Passover, which is a foreshadowing of the Eucharistic sacrifice, those who were to be saved were required to eat the lamb. (See all of Exodus 12 but especially: *[8]They shall **eat the flesh *that night, roasted; with unleavened bread and bitter herbs they shall eat it.
    [9] Do not eat any of it raw or boiled with water, but roasted, its head with its legs and its inner parts.
    [10] And you shall let none of it remain until the morning, anything that remains until the morning you shall burn.

  4. In the New Testament Jesus is the Lamb of God as proclaimed by John the Baptist in the Gospel of John Chapter 1: [29] The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, "Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! [36] and he looked at Jesus as he walked, and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God!”

  5. While man may not have thought to do it this way, God did choose to do it this way – to eat his flesh!
    Isaiah 55 [8] For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the LORD. [9] For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
    and in Matthew’s Gospel: chapter 26 *[26] Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed, and broke it, and gave it to the disciples and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” *

Mary Ann


#7

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