My name is Tracy. I have been married for 7 1/2 years. I have one daughter, Emily, who is three years old. I am having some serious marriage problems.
My husband Danny and I have never really been deliriously happy. Content, perhaps, but on-fire-in-love, no. I am rather sick of talking about this because I've told so many people the problem, and they all say, "Go to counseling and fix it. If you can't fix it split up." Well, I wish it were that easy. The most practical problem we have is a huge mountain of debt that we can't seem to get from under. Building our house has made that worse. (Oh, but he HAD to have that house!) It's hard to divorce when you have no money. Truth be known, things didn't start to get hopelessly bad like they are until we moved into this house about a year and a half ago. Emily at the time was 18 months old. Building the house just about killed both of us - him from driving nails and me from excessive child care responsibilities. I was also out of work for about nine months - five months before and four months after we got into the house. During that time, since I wasn't working and due to the additional stress of building the house, I put on weight. My husband basically told me one night (oh, excuse me - yelled at me one night) that if I didn't lose the weight, he'd find someone else to sleep with. I joined LA Weight loss soon after that. He was so kind as to print the info for me off the internet. That worked for a while, but then I got a job at Kohl's. (BTW, DON'T use them. You're better off losing the weight yourself. They suck.) I did that for six months and then had to find something full time because I wasn't making enough money. All this time, Danny is, of course, being his hateful, nasty self - always looking for something to yell at me about. He has been abusive to me. He hasn't broken any bones, but he has done what I like to call "manhandled" me and verbally abused me harshly. He makes more money than me, but it's not enough to pay the mortgage and all the debt we have, so I have to work. My job history from that point on was a blur for a while, going from one job to the next, seeing what was going to work for me. Since I had been out of work for a while and had only done retail (where mostly women work) up to this point, adultery was not something I considered at length. But as soon as I started working where there were some decent-looking, sweet-talking guys, adultery started to look pretty attractive. I've been with several men since I left Kohl's, and to tell you the truth, in my particular situation, I'm still looking. I mean, really, y'all, if I have to end up leaving my husband due to his harsh treatment, I would like a replacement. Note: We tried counseling several times. I went by myself at the beginning of the marriage, we tried one guy later - he "fired" us, and the most recent counselor (last straw - why I'm writing this) was a straight-shooter, problem-focused sort of woman. Guess what? He didn't want to go anymore. Big surprise, huh? He also knows about some but not all of my affairs. At first he was hurt, but here lately, he honest-to-God does not care what I do or with whom. I'm certainly not getting any "lovin'" from him - of any kind. If he's in a good mood, he'll hug me. That's it. I have also talked to my preist about an annulment. He said that I cannot be considered for that until a civil divorce is complete. I did not know that. The Pauline privilege would never apply to me because he is Catholic as well as I am and he said that, "If anyone in this relationship is going to leave, it would be you." It sounds to me that he just wants to treat me bad enough that I finally get fed up and leave effectively making me the "bad guy" and therefore, free to marry no one else ever unless I qualify for an annulment. I love the Church and her discipline, but I'm between a rock and a hard place, folks. Is this what Jesus really wants for people? Please tell me how I should get through the next year or two of my life. Any resposes to this post would be greatly appreciated.