I am prevented from going to church. My mother controls my father. He was a Catholic. He was poor and went to university on a scholarship. He was teased. His head got turned by the wealth he saw. He married my mother. Who is insane. Her brother died in a mental institution. She is very dangerous. She has portrayed me as “bad” all my life. To my father. They are making love right now. That is a draw he doesn’t escape. He had to get a special dispensation to marry her for he was Catholic and she was unbaptized (2 generations unbaptized in her family.) She may have come from a Jewish family “passing” as Anglican I hate to bring it up but there is such a thing as a bad Jew. I have encountered many through being drawn by the similarity to my mother. People who just have something wrong, usually something weird that you can’t pin down, sometimes it is obvious, sometimes it is not.
Right now she has my son. That is why I am here instead of in Florida, where I had found help with getting to a Priest for baptism but…wound up coming here. Because my son had gone to my mother. And she has entrapped him in the same way she entrapped me 25 years ago, with two cats. Who he is now attached to for life. It gets so complicated.
There’s an expression she uses, an English one, “keeping her eye out”, which means she watches everything I do, and sees, in the way that a mother can, and goes “over” me in her mind. This is a very scary situation.
There is a nun, the Lord guided me, who I can see. She will see me again. I have seen her four times for Project Rachel counseling through Catholic Charities, and they allow 10 sessions.
Please pray for me that I follow through with this, that I have the strength and the ability to do so, that I am not prevented, and for her continuing guidance, the Lord tells me she still prays for me. I have an appointment coming up with a local mental health practitioner which is terrifying me. I am trying to get out of psych. I had a wonderful doctor who is across the border in NJ, he is Hindu but very encouraging of my faith and very kind and caring, honest, I moved a little farther away and closer to my parents and my son. He just gives me the help I need and doesn’t pry and manipulate.
I would like to continue to see him again and see Sister for counseling, that would give me three months with her and time to continue outside of the sphere of my mother’s wide influence as far as MH. She stated her intent to just go ahead and put me right back in the state hospital, when I first returned here from Florida. It’s been 25 years since that, for the Love of Jesus. She put me in terror right away.
Please pray. The Lord has shown me much tonight.