Okay I know this dilemma isn’t exactly earth-shattering but it’s causing major crazy-pregnant-woman tears because I don’t know what to do.
Some of you might remember me posting about some family issues concerning my mom. My mother decided to cancel the baby shower that was originally planned with friends and family, after getting angry with me and deciding to stop speaking with me. This was back in November.
Plenty of people asked about the cancelled shower and I just explained we decided not to have one after all. However, my feelings were very hurt about it and I had a few cryfests with my husband about just generally feeling disappointed. I remember him saying something like, well honey can I throw you a shower? And I was like, NO I don’t think you understand the whole concept behind baby showers… and he doesn’t. The whole bridal shower thing was foreign to him too, back when we got married a couple years ago.
This afternoon I get a phone call from two of my lifelong best friends who are like, “okay so we’re throwing you a surprise baby shower but we decided we needed to let you in on it in order for you to register and give us info about people to invite who aren’t in our circle!” which totally took me aback. I had just had several other friends over for dinner this past week and they had all asked about a baby shower and I had said, no, we’re not having one, no big deal. So I for whatever embarrassing reason started crying on the phone, with my friends, and just saying don’t worry about, I’ve already told so many people to forget it, that it’s such a point of contention now because my mother has basically ruined the whole idea of a baby shower. They’re like, oh don’t worry we’ve already told a few girls that you just don’t know what’s really going on and that we are definitely having a shower for you. So at that moment, my husband walks in the door and is like, why are you crying!! (I’m still on the phone.) And I’m like, oh I just feel weird about E and R wanting to throw me a surprise baby shower. And immediately I could tell by his face that he was totally in on it and knew exactly what the conversation was about. And I was like, have they been talking to you? And he was like, uh… and then my friends are like, well we needed him to get numbers out of your cell phone and stuff. So anyway I was like, I don’t know about this I need to talk to my dh. So I hang up and my dh is like jumping around saying how he knew this would make me so happy. And I was like, what exactly is going on???
So finally he’s like, well I just emailed them and told them how sad you were about your mother canceling the baby shower and asked what we should do to cheer you up. And I was like, WHAT? DID YOU SUGGEST THEY THROW THE SHOWER FOR ME?!? And he’s like…visibly confused…‘uh, I don’t think so, I just said you were sad and what were their ideas to make you feel happy about the baby coming…?’ So this went on for awhile, with me being crazy and crying and him being like, “their response was that they had just been thinking how they wanted to throw you a surprise baby shower” and I was like, yeah right, you basically asked them to do it! Anyway, now he’s disappointed and mad at me and completely confused because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, and I feel like he basically ASKED for a shower for me by telling them I was sad about it being canceled–and then including a question about what to do to make me feel better.
I mean how can I accept a baby shower that my husband basically asked them to throw? I am just so conflicted and it’s over something so stupid, and all these people are trying to be so nice, but now I feel like since he started the ball rolling I can’t accept it. I’m supposed to call my friends back and tell them if it’s okay to go ahead and I don’t even know what to say now that I know my husband initiated all of it. I KNOW he had the best of intentions and I KNOW he has no idea that husbands aren’t supposed to try and figure out a way to get a shower for his wife. He said his intention was not to even suggest a shower, he was thinking of having a “baby party” and having lots of friends over just to celebrate a new life, but it turned into this and he thought I’d be ‘so happy’…
What should I do??? He says if I tell them no I don’t want it that I’m being ungrateful but that’s not it, I just feel awkward since HE’S the one who put all this in motion and not them. I’m sure if I asked them, they would claim to have been already thinking about it, but I’ll never know and what if I’m accepting something they don’t sincerely want to do? My husband says I’m being insane.