I need SERIOUS help with my brother


#1

It's reached a new low. I've probably told you all about my older brother. He's a hard-partying frat boy, a racist, a potty mouth, and a worlding through and through. But I just found him doing something even worse.

He was on Omegle, an open-chat site. He told me "you run into horny 14-year-olds and can mess with them." He's committing scandal, that's plain as day. But how do I tell him what he is doing is wrong? If I say, "you're causing them to sin", he's just going to write me off as a religious extremist and being "hypersensitive" as he has said every other time I try to correct him.

WHAT DO I DO? I just want to scream at him. Jesus got mad and turned over the money-changers' tables. People always tell me to "live by example" but he is obviously not getting it. I've had it with him, and I'm close to giving up. I feel like I've lost him. His heart is as hard as a rock.

Does anyone have any advice? What do I say to get though to him? I'm so tired of living with a relativistic family that picks and chooses what they want to believe. I'm done being "tolerant". It's time for truth.


#2

He's also stupid, because that "14 year old" could well be a 45 year old FBI agent pretending to be a teen in order to nab pedophiles. I would tell him that, at least, because he could really get into legal trouble with that stuff.

YOU cannot get through to him. Only God through the Holy Spirit can reach his heart. Pray for him, ask the help of every saint you can think of. Saint Monica, St. Augustine's mother, prayed for him for years before he stopped his sinning.

There's only so much you can do. Prayer is very powerful, however.

I wish there was some magic solution. Perhaps you should tell him, "If you are going to do these things, please don't tell me about it, because I get very upset and angry about it, and I can't do anything to stop you."


#3

Well… to let you know where I come from. I have an older brother whose heart is hard as stone as well. I axed him out of my life 8 years ago. A very hard thing to live with but the best decision I have ever made

CM


#4

Let's look at what Jesus says:

[BIBLEDRB]Matthew 18:15-17[/BIBLEDRB]

You are right that you need to help your brother. It can be hard for people with his attitude to listen, but you should try. Step it up as long as you need to until you feel that you have tried everything in that verse and then be done with him. Still love him and be ready to help him if it looks like it could use it, but you will have done as much as you can.

I'll add this to my prayer list.


#5

^ What Julianne said. Is he NUTS???

You didn't mention how old he is, or how old you are, or whether either of you are living at home. If you are, and he is using your family's ISP, you might want to point out to your folks that frequently the account holder can be in as much legal trouble as the one who is accessing this type of smarmy entertainment. Then let dear old Dad take over, that ought to put a screeching halt to this garbage.

If your brother is that much of a libertine, I'd focus my energies on praying for him (in addition to the above.) Not much is likely to get through that thick skull of his, especially from a younger sibling.


#6

He's 20 and I'm 19, and Dad isn't Catholic. In fact, Dad is where he gets his cynicism towards my faith.

And that's another thing. I feel like I can't talk about Church without him making a snotty comment about the Church (always something borderline blasphemous, or a snide remark about collecting money). And Mom is a cafeteria Catholic who doesn't think missing Mass on Sunday, contraception, or swearing are mortal sins, not does she believe confession is necessary. I am finding it harder and harder to live with these people. They feel like strangers now.

I have said so many rosaries and offered so many intentions at Mass for him. He just seems to be getting worse. I don't even want to live in this house anymore. I feel like I have let God down because of my failure to convert them. I have tried to live by example, and they still are not getting it.


#7

For your brother: heart to soften and turn his eyes to the Lord.

Hail Mary, full of grace.
Our Lord is with you.
Blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.


#8

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:2, topic:241365"]
He's also stupid, because that "14 year old" could well be a 45 year old FBI agent pretending to be a teen in order to nab pedophiles. I would tell him that, at least, because he could really get into legal trouble with that stuff.

[/quote]

Exactly!!!

But..... it is not your job to save him. You can live by example, plant the seeds, and PRAY, but it is not your responsibility to make him see the light. You have tried and tried again. You don't want to put all that energy into that anymore, I would hope.

Please continue to pray for him a lot. Ask others to pray for him. I will and am sure others on this forum will, too. Then leave it into God's hands.

I know that is easier said than done....... :(


#9

I fail to see why you are thinking for one moment about saying anything to your brother. He just admitted his intention to commit a felony, or that he has in fact already committed one with a 14-year old. I would be talking to 911. Period. That is your moral and legal obligation.


#10

You can simply block the domain "omegle.com" using your router. Go to the administration page (usually 192.168.1.1 in your web browser) and type in the username/password (which can be looked up for your particular router). The security page should have a section dedicated to blocking domains. This will solve the immediate problem, and help him to curve his unfortunate habits.

The "right" way to go about it would be to inform your parents, pray for him, and allow them to deal with it in a way they see fit. The fallout from informing the authorities yourself might not be in your best interests. He clearly needs help.

As a PS, swearing in most cases is not considered a mortal sin, but a venial one. :thumbsup:


#11

^ True. I would give him a warning first, reminding him that it is illegal, and then after that if he does it again, it's in the hands of the law. He is committing a felony, a very serious crime. Maybe he is just messing with them, maybe not. Things like this happen too often. Their family thinks it's "just chatting" or "they'd never really do anything" and then end up shocked when said family member ends up in prison.


#12

If you’re still not sure what to do, perhaps you could try either scheduling an appointment to talk with the priest in your parish or bring it up next time you go to confession. You never know what kind of insight they might have on such matters. :slight_smile: (On one particular trip to confession my mother sought advice to handle not seeing ‘eye-to-eye’ on issues with her siblings, who live in a separate state. The priest gave her his input and even told her about his own issue of disagreements he had with his own brother who was a devout Mormon with several wives!)


#13

[quote="JackVk, post:6, topic:241365"]
He's 20 and I'm 19, and Dad isn't Catholic. In fact, Dad is where he gets his cynicism towards my faith.

And that's another thing. I feel like I can't talk about Church without him making a snotty comment about the Church (always something borderline blasphemous, or a snide remark about collecting money). And Mom is a cafeteria Catholic who doesn't think missing Mass on Sunday, contraception, or swearing are mortal sins, not does she believe confession is necessary. I am finding it harder and harder to live with these people. They feel like strangers now.

I have said so many rosaries and offered so many intentions at Mass for him. He just seems to be getting worse. I don't even want to live in this house anymore. I feel like I have let God down because of my failure to convert them. I have tried to live by example, and they still are not getting it.

[/quote]

PLEASE do not take this on as your burden! This is actually pride on your part, to think that YOU need to feel responsible for your loved ones' salvation! You are human, Jesus is superhuman! I agree that you probably need to start making plans to leave home. You are in a sort of fiery furnace where it's going to be a test of your faith...It can strengthen you, or it can break you...Rely always on God's word and His promises, and the sacraments! Go to Mass often! Do Adoration and confession as often as possible! The Lord will shine through you. But it is NOT your job to save them! Jesus already did that on the cross of Calvary.

I sometimes get discouraged because my husband has not seen Christ through me, either, but then I realize that his heart is bitter toward God, which spills over onto me when I try too hard to show him Christ's love. I expect him to see the joy of Christ but he only sees what God hasn't done for him. All I can do is "Let go, and let God" handle my husband's bitter spirit.

What would your dad say if you knew his son was contacting 14 year olds (ostensibly) over the internet? Even if there were no moral issues involved, wouldn't he be very concerned for the legal issues your brother is playing with? If not, if he would be nonchalant, I'd find a way to get the heck out of that house (after confronting your brother of course) ASAP. Your father needs to set some limits with the internet, but it may be that he won't. So your boundaries may need to be set a little differently once you leave the house.

I will keep praying for you!


#14

[quote="JackVk, post:6, topic:241365"]
He's 20 and I'm 19, and Dad isn't Catholic. In fact, Dad is where he gets his cynicism towards my faith.

And that's another thing. I feel like I can't talk about Church without him making a snotty comment about the Church (always something borderline blasphemous, or a snide remark about collecting money). And Mom is a cafeteria Catholic who doesn't think missing Mass on Sunday, contraception, or swearing are mortal sins, not does she believe confession is necessary. I am finding it harder and harder to live with these people. They feel like strangers now.

I have said so many rosaries and offered so many intentions at Mass for him. He just seems to be getting worse. I don't even want to live in this house anymore. I feel like I have let God down because of my failure to convert them. I have tried to live by example, and they still are not getting it.

[/quote]

God gives the increase, your only responsibility is to plant and water, pray and fast. Leave it to the Holy Spirit to convict him of sin. But, point out the legal problems to your parents and him. They will likely, say he was not being serious. Just let them know you are concerned and don't want to have to visit a prision to see your brother.

You are at the leaving the nest age anyways, have you decided to joint the military or go to college, get a job and move out? Start plaining your fulture and do it.


#15

Wait, hold on, he's not a pedophile or anything. He's not getting carnal pleasure from this. He's doing it to play a prank on them. Still, it's wrong because he is causing them to sin.


#16

[quote="JackVk, post:15, topic:241365"]
Wait, hold on, he's not a pedophile or anything. He's not getting carnal pleasure from this. He's doing it to play a prank on them. Still, it's wrong because he is causing them to sin.

[/quote]

The law doesn't care why you're doing it. He can still get into serious trouble for this. If he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, telling him that he is sinning probably isn't going to have an effect on his behavior, but maybe the prospect of going to jail would.

I agree with everyone who said tell your parents, and let them deal with it. Catholic or not, most parents would be alarmed if their grown son was using their computer or internet connection to commit a felony.


#17

Do your parents know what is going on? If so…what do they think of his behavior?

I know you say your brother is not committing a felony…“just messing around with the 14 year olds”…but depending on what he is saying to them…he MAY be committing a felony…he just doesn’t realize it. He sounds very immature. Sounds like you have already talked to him and he basically dismisses you. At this point…pray for him…and be an example for him.


#18

[quote="JackVk, post:15, topic:241365"]
Wait, hold on, he's not a pedophile or anything. He's not getting carnal pleasure from this. He's doing it to play a prank on them. Still, it's wrong because he is causing them to sin.

[/quote]

Yeah, that's what they all say. I'm not saying your brother is a pedophile, it's just that someone looking at the situation wouldn't care so much what excuse he's using, it's what he's doing that matters. Like, "Officer, I was only stealing to feed my children." That kind of thing, only in this case, even worse because your brother should have no need and no interest in chatting with 14 year olds.

These days, trust me, he does NOT want to take that kind of risk. It can ruin his life.


#19

You've spoken to your brother. Tell your parents. Then let it be - you cannot control his behavior. Pray for him, try to interest him in other things, but don't discuss his internet habits. As others have said, if you can and it makes sense with your plans anyway, perhaps move out. But, if you are in school, saving up, etc and living at home is part of your plan, then don't feel that you must move out.

Also, for your own benefit, talk to your priest about what your responsibilities to your brother should be.


#20

Just FYI for both you and any other interested, under Kansas law:

21-3523. Electronic solication is using the internet/email/chatrooms to
(1) Enticing or soliciting a person whom the offender believes to be a child 14 or more years of age but less than 16 years of age to commit or submit to an unlawful sexual act; conviction of this crime carries a sentence of 55-247 months. It is presumed under the law that the person will go to prison, not probation.

        (2) enticing or soliciting a person whom the offender believes to be a child under the age of 14 to commit or submit to an unlawful sexual act; this is a severity level 1 person felony; conviction of this crime carries a sentence of 147-653 months. It is presumed under the law that the person will go to prison, not probation.

Notice that the defendant's motivation (a prank or fun or whatever) has nothing to do with the crime.


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