I need so much help that i kinda feel like dying

Sorry if my spelling is atrocious as I am balling my eyes out at this very moment.

My husband and I are going through really hard times financially, so much so that we couldn’t move as we wanted to because we can’t afford first and last for any apartment, so we are stuck in this overpriceed basement that is falling apart. I depend completely on my overdraft and a bank loan. My last 2 months rent cheques bounced. The one I just wrote to cover this months cheques also bounced, which I just found out. We’re gonna get kicked out basically, and it’s all my fault. Sure, the landlord did say that he would call me before he cashed it (which he didn’t) but it’s still my fault for doing the math wrong. I called my mom to talk to you her about it. She didn’t offer to help me, nor did she seem like she cared at all, she just passed the phone off to my sister while I was in the middle of talking to her…she didn’t even say goodbye.
I feel so worthless and stupid right now. Not to mention the fact that I’ve only been clean for a day, i’m freaking out and I don’t know what to do. We can’t even afford to buy soup at the grocery store. My husband told me he would leave if he didn’t have “food in his belly, and a roof over his head” (i don’t know if he really meant it). Well, now we have neither. I really feel like dying. I don’t see the point in living like this, I’m in so much debt from school, I can’t get a bursary because of that, I can’t get goverment loans for some reason, and i can’t even get on welfare because I’m a student. I know this sounds like a pity me post, but it’s not, I just really feel like killing myself and making it all go away. I really need some help right now, I need someone to talk to who won’t get mad at me…someone who at least seems like they care. no matter what I do, nothing gets better…it just gets worse…i need help or I’m afraid I don’t know what I’ll do…

I just want to say that I am so so sorry for you but that you must try and be brave. You are in my prayers and I will endeavour to tell as many God loving people as I can to pray for you about this sad situation.
I know only too well what it is like to be short of money. Is there a counselling service you can maybe contact (I know in England we have the Samaritans and they are fantastic) Also there are organisations who help out with money even in the short term (maybe your Church?)

Im sorry I dont seem to be of much help right now :confused: perhaps if you explained your situation better? Although I am far from qualified to give advice, I have had contact with those who contemplated suicide (I’ve been there myself too briefly). You say you have been clean for a day - from what?

May God bless you in your hour of need

I am so sorry for your situation. I do have a few questions that I mean sincerely, not to make you feel worse. You say you are a student and you have student loans, rent, food bills etc that you can’t pay. ANd, you have recently become “clean.” Does this mean that you are sober and off drugs and or alcohol? Is this what had impeded you from getting a part time job after class? Do you have a physical impairment that prevents you from working? It seems that many of your problems stem from a lack of money. Again, I’m not trying to be snide, I just wanted to know a little more about your situation before I tried to help. In the meantime, pray, pray pray!

Sorry, i should have explained. I’ve been “clean” from marijuana. I last bought drugs about 2 months ago ( i had bought it when I had a job, it was enough for me to get high everyday until yesterday when I threw it out). I was employed since june 2004 but just before december, my hours were cut so drastically that I only got a 4 hour shift a month so I quit and have been looking for a new job. My performance at work has nothing to do with it…everyone’s hours were cut, but by what extent, I don’t know. I know that suicide is the stupid way out, but i don’t see the point of living anymore. The harder I try to find God in this pain, the more it seems that God is just a fairytale. I find no comfort in prayer, I find no comfort in anything anymore…just sleep and drugs. Drugs are bad, I know, I threw out my pot and don’t have the money nor the possessions to pawn to buy more ( i pawned everything to buy food) so i have no choicec but be sober. Sleep has turned into insomnia…2 hours of sleep a night is killing me…it seems as if the only way I’ll get a peaceful good sleep is to just do away with my self and sleep forever. I know this is depressing but it’s a thought loop that I’m stuck in and can’t get out of no matter how hard I try.

Sweetie,
I want you to listen to me nothing, nothing,nothing is worth taking you life. It always get better, life always get better. People can go thru some horrible stuff that seems like the light of day will never come but it will and it does. This the time to flip open the phonebook (or check on line) and call every social agency out there. I don’t know what kind of stuff they have in Cananda but I’ll try to do some searching for you. I’m sure you guys must have a crisis hot line there. Stay online ok and I’ll see what I can find. Life sucks sometimes but don’t give up, it will get better. I get back with you.

first and foremost, there are community help lines to call for suicide prevention. those are not just for people holding a gun to their heads. they are for someone expressing emotions like you are now. call them. let them talk you through this moment of anxiety. it may seem silly, but they will be with you while you set your feet back on the ground. they can’t solve your problem or take away pain, but they can and will help you to face the next moment without falling into ultimate despair. if you live, you can cope, but if you give up, you will waste the only truly valuable thing God ever gave you: you. you only have to survive this pain a little while, and then you can begin to take steps to help yourself.

take a deep breathe, walk outside and look at what God has made. look at the smallest things, at the details. this is a sign of how much He cares, not a signal that things are expendable. see how fragile everything is. let His work show you that nothing should be wasted. the intricate detail shows us that we should be careful not to break what we have. even though you don’t see the solution, it does not mean the problem is unsolvable.

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**Life is hard, but God is good! ** He will not abandon you in your time of need. My husband and I are also going through financial difficulties and I have chronic health problems. One prayer that really helps me is the ending prayer from the Chaplet of Divine Mercy:

Eternal God, in Whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase your mercy in us, so we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit our lives to Your Holy Will, which is Love and Mercy itself.

You are in my prayers.

You are at the bottom right now and there’s nowhere to go but UP. The poster was right when she/he said to get your phone book out and call every social service agency that you can find. I want you to remember that you are so precious to God. He delights in you and wants so much for you to be happy. He had planned for you to be here even before you were born. Please don’t take your own life. Better days are coming, I promise you.


Please, try to think of a beautiful sunset; a rainbow; a flock of geese; the ocean, the smell of spring - God has given us so much.


Believe me, I know how stressed we can get over bills. It seems like all I do is pay bills and never get ahead but we must keep the faith.

I will be praying for you tonight. Remember, you are precious in God’s eyes.

Bless you,
Shannin

Sarcophagus,
Send me a personal email and we will correspond. Don’t kill yourself. Here is the link to the Canadian Suicide hot line/help desk please contact them they are trained professionals.

suicideinfo.ca/csp/go.aspx?tabid=40

Contact them right away.
Sucide in incredibly painful to all you leave behind and it is an ache you leave that will never ever heal.
God is real. He does love you. However, you are in a spiritual war now, as the bible shows the demonic is real and you are under siege now and now is the time to be praying.
I don’t mean this flipantly considering your are hungry, but offer it up as a fast and claim your victory purchased by the blood of Jesus. He is victorious over even death and he will be victorious for you in this titanic battle you have now going on for your soul. Turn to your guardian angel and pray for angelic intervention as I am doing for you now.
An Emergency Novina by mother theresa “Holy Mary mother of God be a mother to me now” repeated nine times. Do it now. Offer up your needs. Turn to God He will not fail you. I have contact the staff and advised them you may be getting personal email from them too. Suicide is no joking matter. I have seen its damage. God bless you. You are in my prayers NOW.

dcontario.org/centres.htm

I dont know if the above link will help but its a start…

Please make sure you ring someone who is a professional and knows how to help you. If you can google your area with crisis line in the search as well it may help - or let us know where in Canada you are…

Sorry I cant be more help but you are in my prayers…

Okay fist my two cents then my reasons I am qualified to give them. :wink:

First you have come to the right place.

2nd you are looking at this all wrong. This is a chance to start over. Completely over. Reinvention of yourself if a gift that very few of us have the oportunity to do. Your life before was not meeting your needs or bringing you to God. You needed change. Change is difficult it hurts but it is also full of possibilities.

Do what you can to close up the life you don’t want to live anymore. Close of friendships that were unhealthy. Open up a relationship with God. Close down all your financial concerns either through a credit counciler or a bankrupcy. Close of a life filled with fear. Open up a life where you can again choose any direction.

You can be reinvented, renewed, restored, and be the person that YOU want to be.

Now my qualifications. I have done this to differing degrees during my life. I have overcome many barriers. I left a fiance, left a job, home ect. I had no money I started over without the man I thought my life had to have. Later I found the true love of my life. I have a son with disabilities. I again left a home, job and started over in a new town so he could be close to the doctors he needed. I recently had to re envision my life again. I have to admit that I was pretty confortable with my life but then God chose to give me a little wake up call with cancer. I am currently in the process of giving up many outside the home boards, and community projects so I can focus on my family on home. I know that this too will be a time of metamorpheses for me.

Know that God has a plan for you. He is mindful of us in ways we just can’t appreciate in our current limited states. Some day you will look back at this time as the days where you made the decisions that formed your new wonderful life. I never thought I could be one of those shinny happy people. Turns out it was inside me the whole time I just needed to loose everything to find it.

CATHOLIC CHARITIES OF THE ARCHDIOCESE OF TORONTO
1155 Yonge Street, Suite # 400, Toronto, Ontario, M4T 1W2
Phone: (416) 934-3401 Fax: (416) 934-3402 E-mail: cathchar@pathcom.com

They will be able to direct you on organizations that help you all kinds of different assistance. Also you nearby parish should have many resouces, there are so many organizations out there that provide all kinds of assistance.

There is hope, don’t give up. You can’t see the future, you can’t imagine it but** I promise you** you will come out of this. Don’t you give up!

Thank you to everyone who have posted replies…i don’t know if this is wrong but i feel ashamed almost that I posted this. I’m sure all of you have more important things to do than be concerned for me. But because you are, i guess it shows me that someone cares.

Thank you

I am so sorry for your state. It sounds to me like you have given up your habit temporarily. As soon as you get more money you will start using again. I’m no expert, but is there a rehab place somewhere you can go? At least to get you comfortable physically? You can’t go on like this, you need to take action on your own. I know it feels like God has left you in left field but it is simply not true! He has led you here and perhaps you will find some way, through these dialogues, to help yourself. I wish I could convince you of the power of prayer. I have fallen on hard times myself, and though doubtful at times, God has always interceded and helped me in more ways than I know.

continued.

don’t think about the problems you are facing until you are ready. if a person were in front of you, beating on you, you’d make them stop. this is the same thing. remember, no matter what mistakes you’ve made that have contributed to this, you still have the dignity of a valuable human person. just as another person doesn’t have the right to assault you and take your life, the world doesn’t either. are your problems bad? yes. do you have to do something now? no.

in a room full of people shouting at you, you might feel the urge to shout back, but that isn’t going to solve your problem. there is nothing wrong with getting up and walking out. it strengthens you to fight later. imagine each problem as a shouting person, and walk away, until you are ready to deal with it.

consider each problem individually. don’t let it all overwhelm you at once. you are no different than anyone else. we would all get overwhelmed. we would all feel despair. don’t let the world do that to you. one problem at a time. prioritize. don’t be afraid to make radical changes. once you stablize your situation, you can come back to things you have to give up now. food and shelter are first. look to the Church and friends. friends don’t have to make huge commitments. couch hop for a while, mondays and tuesdays, here, wednesday, thursday there, etc. it is humiliating, but empowering. friends understand. you will be taking care of yourself.

lastly, and pardon me for being blunt, but you are fighting for your life. if your husband said that sh#@ to you, tell him that he has no right to speak to you that way. tell him to f@&# off, pick up a blanket and pillow, and sleep any place where he is not. i know that you probably love him, but marriage involves the love of two people. if he is going to act that way and contribute to how you feel right now, then he doesn’t even have the right to look at you. if he loves you he won’t leave, but if he does leave, half of your problems leave too, and you will be confronting the world on your own terms. if he were my husband, i would have put an end to that cr!@ long ago. i’m not much, but no one has the right to treat me like trash. being alone is lonely, but it is not demeaning.

please trust us to help you. feel free to post about your situation day by day. we can reflect on your issues and walk with you as you make it through. open your heart to Jesus. He has opened His Heart to you. facing the world with trust in Him is still overwhelming, but it is the better kind of overwhelming.

your are in my prayers,

john

haven’t you figured out that besides lecturing you on your lifestyle, the clothes you wear to church, and your work habits we are also your prayer partners? You do realize the whole crazy network of us, trads/libs and in between are praying like mad for you.

Hub and I started out with a $60 a month flat, $53 a week income between the 2 of us, $26 in our pockets, baby on the way, and two weeks after the wedding learned his dad had used the money he worked for like an animal during to pay for school had gone to pay for his sister’s wedding and down payment on a new house, and they had taken out student loans in his name. We made the last payment the very month our oldest went away to college. We made it, you will too, and someday you will say the poor days were some of the most fun - as well as the most desperate, like, gee honey we have $20 bucks, should we buy groceries, the baby’s medicine, or the gas bill?

YOU WILL GET THRU THIS, and you will do it by prayer, by total reliance on God, true appreciation of Divine Providence, surrender of your will to Jesus, and WITHOUT pot or any other artificial “help” - keep us posted, we care.

[quote=sarcophagus]Thank you to everyone who have posted replies…i don’t know if this is wrong but i feel ashamed almost that I posted this. I’m sure all of you have more important things to do than be concerned for me. But because you are, i guess it shows me that someone cares.

Thank you
[/quote]

when it comes to something like how you are feeling, i think it is fair (and accurate) to say that none of us have anything better to do.

i feel privelaged that you have given us a chance to help.

smile.

you’re welcome.

in Christ,

john

[quote=sarcophagus]Thank you to everyone who have posted replies…i don’t know if this is wrong but i feel ashamed almost that I posted this. I’m sure all of you have more important things to do than be concerned for me. But because you are, i guess it shows me that someone cares.

Thank you
[/quote]

When my wife and were married some 25 years ago, we thought we had the world by the tail. We worked in the same factory, and 1 year later it closed. We were both out of a job, and in the middle of a recession. I eventually found part-time work, and she found a job cleaning at a hospital. A few years later, she had lots of medical problems, (7 surgerys) and about that same time, my mom died. Then I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and I thought all was lost. I have been cancer-free for 5 years now, and just when I was on the verge of retirement, I fell and broke a hip. I recovered and am still working trying to pay off the medical bills. I wonder sometimes if I will ever retire, and if we’ll ever get to do some of the things we wanted to do in our later years. I have faith in God, and I keep praying that things will go better. But have faith, keep praying, and your situation will get better. God bless you.

Jesus is commanding me to make a novena before the Feast of Mercy, and today I am to begin it for the conversion of the world and for the recognition of the Divine Mercy… [size=4]"so that every soul will praise My goodness. I desire trust from My creatures. Encourage souls to place great trust in My fathomless mercy. Let the weak, sinful soul have no fear to approach Me, for even if it had more sins than there are grains of sand in the world, all would be drowned in the unmeasurable depths of My mercy."
God Bless you,and do not give up!:slight_smile: [/size]

[quote=sarcophagus]Thank you to everyone who have posted replies…i don’t know if this is wrong but i feel ashamed almost that I posted this. I’m sure all of you have more important things to do than be concerned for me. But because you are, i guess it shows me that someone cares.

Thank you
[/quote]

Do not be ashamed. It took a lot of courage to ask for help; some people would rather continue to suffer indefinitely than ask for help. I will pray for you.

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