I need some advice


#1

Do you think bartending is wrong or immoral?


#2

There are certainly ways to abuse the position (for example, by serving alcohol to someone who is visibly intoxicated, pemitting an underage person to order drinks, or dressing provocatively to get better tips), but bartending as a job is not in and of itself wrong or immoral.


#3

No, I think it’s just a job. As such, it’s morally neutral. Only thing I can think of is, you will undoubtedly encounter more and varied kinds of temptations and near occasions of sin working in that kind of environment. So…it’s good to know what you’re in for and to be (spiritually) prepared.


#4

I bartended to get through university. Yes, I dressed sexy for tips, but my intent was not to date anyone and I always went home in a taxi alone. I don’t feel that I did anything immoral to help pay for my education. The investment was well worth it in the end.

The only thing I hated about bartending is that men thought I was a flake and that I was just a pretty face who should be “conquered”. I dated a guy that I met while bartending and he broke my heart big time. I would highly recommend not dating your customers…they can’t get past the sexy outfits and the fact that you work in a bar.

After getting my heart broken the one time, I never dated a customer again and I’m glad I took that approach. At one nightclub I worked at, I got a reputation for being a lesbian because I wouldn’t date anyone :eek:

You will see the ugly side of men while bartending, so you just have to remember to keep things in perspective. It’s just a temporary job to get money in the bank.

I am assuming you’re a woman :thumbsup:


#5

My advice is… if you are planning to be a bartender in a nightclub… be aware that nightclubs attract people who like the darkness of evil. Not everybody but some of those people will walk in with negativity.

My advise is to bless yourself with holywater and ask God and his angels to protect you from evil each time you go to work. Ask God to protect you from negative men who may want to harm you. By doing this… God will make sure that you are protected.

I used to love to go nightclubbing when I was in my 30’s. I would always bless myself and ask God and my angels to keep the negative men away from me.
God kept me safe all of those years. I used to love to dance at night clubs.

The men got to know who I was… and I have fond memories of one special man who would keep the negative men away from me by telling them to stay away from me. He was my protection. Plus, I knew that God was also protecting me. I would alway leave a nightclub before a fight or a shooting broke out in the nightclub. My intuition would tell me
when it was time to leave.

As a bartender… men will want to buy you a free drink. Tell them you only drink orange juice or sodas but they have to pay the price of a drink because of the rules your boss will have on you. They try to make as much money as they can.

Maybe you could work in a restaurant bar which is safer than a night-club. Or a country club or private club.

If I had to work nights I would rather choose to work in a hospital that is open all night.


#6

I think LaLucia hit the nail on the head. No bartending is not ‘wrong’. But, you can do any job immorally.


#7

nodito has the right idea. You can do this job immorally, morally, or amorally.

Immorally:
-serving alcohol to someone who is visibly intoxicated
-pemitting an underage person to order drinks
-dressing provocatively to get better tips

Morally:
-possibly be in a position to offer someone comfort or counsel (maybe this only happens in movies)
-“Give drink to the thirsty” work of Mercy;) though rarely would this be legit
-be in a position where you can actually prevent drunkeness and drunk driving.

Amorally:
-It is simply a job that you do neither for the Glory of God nor to the detriment of your neighbor.

That is good advice I never would have thought of in advance.

Your manner of dress may have had something to do with the way they treated and viewed you.

To the original poster, please do not take this approach of dressing in tight or revealing clothing to increase your tips. Your employer may or may not ask you to do that and if they do, that is not the sort of place you should work. You may need the money, but there are other ways.


#8

Looking back on my night-clubing days of years past… The place I would go dancing was a lot like the t.v. show Cheers, where everybody knows your name. They always had a regular crowd where most of us knew eachother or knew about the other regulars.

I remember one gal bartender who would accept drinks from her men friends. She could really drink and work but by the end of the evening she would get real drunk but still be able to work.lol. I am sure she became an alcoholic with all those free drinks.

I always ordered sodas eventhough with added alcohol it would cost just a little bit more.
I preferred not to drink alcohol. I was always willing to pay the regular price of a drink but let it be just soda.

I chose not to work as a bartender because I felt that night clubs and bars were negative places to work at. But if that is your only option you must look for a safe place to work at where the manager will keep you safe with top security.

I still would prefer working in a hospital at night or work late at a department store, or the all night take-out food places.
I am really happy to be retired now from a professional career that I truly loved for many years.
Remember to always protect yourself by asking God, angels, saints, to take care of you while you work at what ever hours you work.


#9

When men offered me a drink, I used to put water in a shot glass and take the money. I know that’s really bad :eek:

When I said I dressed sexy, I never dressed sleazy…there’s a big difference.

Men treated me like an object to be conquered while bartending b/c I was very pretty and they were drunk. It wasn’t because of the way I dressed. I was better dressed than most of the women on the dance floor.


#10

Hello Sarap, we are kindred spirits.lol. We have the same attitude. I remember guys wanting to buy me drinks. The bar waitress would beg me to accept the drinks so she could make her comission. I would accept the drinks and just let them sit on my table.

Only night clubbers can understand our situation at night clubs.

I can just see you drinking a shot of fake vodca.lol. It was more like a money tip for you since you had to charge for the drink. Alcoholic men at bars prefer to buy drinks for bartendars than to give a tip. It makes them happy that they are sharing their money in buying drinks for other people at the bars.

My parents were big time party people and drinkers at night clubs. They wasted a lot of our family money by buying drinks for other people at bars.

I wouldn’t have suffered as a child if my alcoholic parents had not been so free in buying drinks for others. My dad used to play big shot and tell the bartender , “Drinks for everybody at the Bar”. He would laugh with joy not understanding that he was spending the rent and food money that our family badly needed since he didn’t always have a job when the weather was bad in construction work.

We all have to work at whatever job we can find so my sister and I never throw stones at any person that will find work in whatever job they can get to support themselves.
I had to work my way through high school and college in order to get my great career job.

My only reqret is that my parents could have done better financially if they didn’t throw their money away instead of improving our family lifestyle. It was my destiny to be poor as a child. God helps those who help themselves.

Serap, I hope you now have a better job. I have your sense of humor.LOL.


#11

We are definitely kindred spirits :wink:


#12

No. and St. Augustine is the patron saint of beer isn’t he.


#13

no. but i would never bartend (again) in a place where almost every drink represented an occasion to sin-- a place where pick-ups and hook-ups were the* ordre du jour*.

in a nice restaurant? sure.


#14

You have to do what you gotta do. I bartended to pay my rent and university bills. It was for a dang good reason considering I had no family support.

Sometimes, bartending is very understandable and justifyable if someone is doing it to better themselves in the future. It’s not so cut and dry for everyone and it’s a shame.

I hated bartending and quite as soon as I passed my last exam. I had to get away from those flakey people. I did it out of necessity and if I met a young girl like me, I would understand why she is doing it…better than taking her clothes off for money…


#15

in charity, serap, i challenge your contentions.

if on one hand "you have to do what you have to do" and on the other hand "....bartending anywhere is "better than taking her clothes off for money...."

why is taking your clothes off for money NOT included in "have to do what you have to do" if stripping is what a young woman believes she has to do...?

in fact, you've presented a false dichotomy. stripping or bartending are not the only options for making money and a paycheck does not come down to a choice between either one or the other on your very short list.

other options: stretch the degree. work longer, stay in school longer.
rent a room instead of apartment.

learn to say " would you like fries with that?"
learn to scrub a toilet. people pay housekeepers well. (between bartending and housecleaning, i made loads more money housecleaning.)


#16

weren’t you a bartender once yourself? young people don’t have the same insights that us old folks have.


#17

yeah, i was-- for a*** loooong ***summer. and if i came to a place seeking advice on the morality of my job, i’d look for advice that had some morality to it.

being young excuses a lot. but not everything. being of the age of reason makes one responsible to apply reason. receiving the graces of the sacraments makes one responsible to use those graces when applying reason.


#18

Monica, we gals have always had to find ways to financially support ourselves when we don’t have financial support from our parents.

We all have the opportunity to find the best jobs to financially support ourselves.

Serap had a hard job of doing bartender work. I am always impressed when I hear some gal used to work as a bartender because that has been a job for men for years.

They pay enough money for a gal to not have to have two or three jobs to support themselves. Some pleople now a days don’t make enough money to even pay for a room in someone’s house. I had a friend who paid $700. per month for a room and she had to go to a laundermat to wash her clothes. Her job didn’t pay enough to support herself so she would beg for money from her relatives.

I also knew a gal who used to work as a prostitute, she had no relatives. My Mom looked down on her but I supported her because she didn’t have any job skills and when she went to work for a lady doing housework that lady was super mean to her. I don’t approve of what she did but I don’t throw stones either.

I also know a dance stripper who says she stays in that job because it pays better.
I don’t throw stones at her either. She is trying to get out of it be getting an education.

Remember the story of the Semaritan woman who Jesus said she had been with 5 different husbands? Jesus was being kine to her because her relationships had been questionable with these men. That is how that woman found a way to be financially supported. She was an outcast in that village but Jesus didn’t throw any stones at her.

Men have always had the oportunity to work as Bartenders. Should they be digging ditches as work instead? Which job pays better to support themselves?

Monica there is nothing wrong in you not wanting to be a bartender but there are many women who do work as bartenders.

When people are desperate for work they will do any type of job to support themselves.
It is very sad when I hear of married men also working part-time as postitutes in order to suppliment their paychecks at their reqular jobs.
We all live in a sad dismal world where people have to do what they have to do…


#19

la lucia,

working ones way through school doesnt make one desperate. having starving children? trying to sock away cash to get away from a dangerous abusive husband? yeah, that might make a woman desperate.

the OP asked if bartending was an OK job to have. i answered that i think it's an OK job if the establishment is an OK place. my contention was that if serving drinks is clearly entwined with an environment that if rife with sin-- lustful dancing, immodest behavior and and hook-ups etc then bartending there contributes to immorality-- mine and the patrons' (routinely and obstinately providing occasion of sin is an act of immorality.)

serap seems to contend that my standard is irrelevant-- that simply needing money makes a job bartending anywhere an OK job.

then this:
I I also knew a gal who used to work as a prostitute, she had no relatives. My Mom looked down on her but I supported her because she didn't have any job skills and when she went to work for a lady doing housework that lady was super mean to her. I don't approve of what she did but I don't throw stones either.
I also know a dance stripper who says she stays in that job because it pays better.
I don't throw stones at her either. She is trying to get out of it be getting an education.

la lucia, this can't be defended in the least. throwing stones is wrong. but Jesus said **both **"don't throw stones" AND "go and sin no more." he DIDN'T say, "Go and sin no more when circumstances improve or when you graduate from school."

misguided compassion can be devastating when someone is seeking counsel. we are called to say what's true with LOVE. we are never allowed to sin in order to bring about good. and when we attempt to, our efforts will NOT be blessed by God.... surely you've heard of ill begotten gains. and Jesus warned "what does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul..?"

moreover, are you contending that working for a mean houewife is worse treatment than a paid sex provider? **what...? ** i cleaned houses for many years. some people were wonderful to me, some people were mean to me, some people treated me like the dirt i was cleaning. but i met some of my own criteria for desperate (nearly desperate, anyway.) so i cleaned houses.

la lucia, if eveything can be excused away, then there is NO SIN. but if we say there is NO SIN, then we make Jesus a liar (saint John's words, not mine.)

i stand by my original assertion: if the establishment is reputable and the intent is to provide moral entertainment (good food, music etc.) then bartending is a good job. if it is in an establishment in which the environment and intent is lustful, hedonistic behavior, the bartending is an occasion to sin.

we are challenged to NOT tempt our weaker brethern.


#20

over my dead body will my daughter ever work in a restaurant or bar, but for me to judge a young girl who was once like me; to me it just seems…well…hypocritical…

if she were to ask me what I thought about it; I would tell her that there are other things she could do and I would try to help her with my contacts.

I wore more clothes than the other girls; never drank any alchohol at work; went straight home afterwards; never too my clothes off; hooked up; received money for sex; i.e., sinned; etc. I would go home and get up 4 hours later to go to school. It was a very difficult time in my life that I would never want my daughter to go through.

I was accused of being a lesbian at my work b/c I didn’t hook-up with anyone. I was known as being a “goody goody” who was mysterious to everyone. They kept me b/c I was pretty of course and friendly to the customers. I was also honest and they knew I’d never steal from them. Many were fired b/c they were caught stealing.


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