OK, so I just finished my freshman year in school and am now home in the process of looking for a summer job. I had my first interview today and it went well, though I know it’s not a guarantee. I’ve been home for nearly two weeks and it’s been difficult.
I’ll admit to being a little burned out from school. I decided I was not premed anymore because I realized that as much as I like science, it’s not what I see myself doing every day. I also realized that while school should be challenging, you should not feel like you have to kill yourself just to pass the class (which is what I was doing). I’ve decided that next year will be focused on getting requirements out of the way and taking some fun classes to figure things out. I know that I want to help educate women in poor countries and also do prolife work, but I don’t know what exactly is going to help me do that. I know that in order to do that, I need to be educated and have the piece of paper to prove it, which is why I’m committed to staying in school. I also love my school and have learned a lot in that first year, not to mention I’m in a great city for college students and I’ve grown up a lot. I think what bothers me the most is not having a clear-cut plan for my life, which I know I have to let go and let God take care of.
I’m also having a hard time because, after being constantly busy and always around people, I’ve been somewhat isolated. Both my parents work, so I have no access to a car (that will adjust somewhat when I get a job) and I live in a small town which isn’t exactly pedestrian friendly. I haven’t gotten a job yet (not for lack of trying) and my friends aren’t around because they’re either working already or they live far away. So it’s me alone in this house. I’ve done a lot of cleaning, read books I’ve been wanting to read, and such like that, but I feel so lonely. I’m already missing a lot of my college friends and this adds to it. Meanwhile, my younger siblings are still in school, my sister dances nearly every night and my brother plays baseball, so they’re constantly busy. I’ve gone to see them at games, concerts, w/e, but I haven’t had anyone I can really talk to and it makes me sad. I’m a very social person so it does weigh on me.
I kind of wish that I spent the summer in the city because I would have found a job more easily, transportation wouldn’t be an issue, and I know a lot of people so there would be some get-togethers. At the same time, this will probably be the last summer I spend home, so I wanted to take advantage of that.
I’m just feeling isolated and somewhat incompetent (some of my finals were not so great, even though I studied, and for someone who normally does well in school, it’s a blow). I just need some encouragement. I’m in an emotional and spiritual slump and I’m completely unsure about everything