I need to come here and vent before I lose my mind!


#1

I am about to explode w/ frustration!:mad:

Exactly one year ago, my husband and I sold our home to move back to where we are originally from. The couple who bought our home just so happens to be from our hometown (we never knew them beforehand). The ‘lady’ is very clingy, thinks she and I are destined to be best friends, and she calls me non-stop. I cannot take it anymore!!

When she came to view our home (she came w/o her husband the very first time), she instantly fell in love with it. She asked me if she could bring her camera when she came back with him that same evening, and I told her ‘of course’. I mean, what harm could it do…right? Well, she has decorated the house ALMOST exactly like I had it and emailed me the pictures. It has come down to her buying the same knick-knacks I had and putting them in the same locations.:eek: I didn’t respond back to the email (I was a bit freaked about it), and she called me to find out what I thought about it. She said, “I don’t mean to put you on the spot, but…”. This is how all of her conversations seem to go with me!

She called me this past weekend to see why I never had a garbage disposal installed. Does it matter? It’s your house now, do what YOU want!!!

She called me yesterday and left a message on my machine because she noticed an odor coming from the fireplace (it’s a ventless gas fireplace) when it is lit, and wanted to know if that is normal.:eek:

And the reason I am so irritable right now…she just called for the gazillith time and woke up my little boy!!! She KNOWS he takes naps at this time. It just so happens I had laid down to take a nap with him because I was VERY sick yesterday, and needed to rest. I answered the phone when it rang because I was trying to avoid him waking up, and cringed when I heard her voice. I told her now is not a good time, and she wanted to know what I was doing!:mad: I told her napping, and she laughed and said, “now, dont’ you have enough to do without taking a nap.”:mad: :mad: I didn’t say a word, and she told me to just call her back after I was rested.:rolleyes:

My husband told me just to not return her phone call, (which I have done PLENTY of times - she doesn’t get the hint). She just keeps on calling and calling.

Oh, and she belongs to a non-denominational church and homeschools her kids (I am in NO WAY knocking this). She constantly makes ugly comments about our choices for our kids, and the fact that my kids go to (a very good) Catholic school. She thinks my life would suit me better if I homeschooled. It is none of her business!

She has called me MANY more times than I can write on here with the stupidest questions, and can hear me trying to tend to the children but just seems to think that her stupid questions are more important. I am at a point I am just going to have to be rude to her because she doesn’t understand nice.

I dont’ know what my point in writing this is, but if you are still reading…thank you for letting me vent! I have been very sick for the past 2 days and am in a grumpy mood from lack of sleep. :frowning:


#2

Change your phone number and block her emails. This is bordering on stalking.

~Liza


#3

same rules as for any other obnoxious inconsiderate neighbor or caller–get caller ID and block her calls. report her email as spam. if she asks questions about the house send a formal letter directing all inquiries to the real estate agent who handled the sale.


#4

She sounds like my daughter who borders on multiple personality disorder. She has too much time on her hands, she wants to manage you. Or she may try to steal you from your dh or steal your dh if she wants to possess what you have. She may be a bit lesbian as I think my dd has a problem with this, comes from trauma in chidhood. She may try to rule your children too, now I’m venting sorry.


#5

I do have caller ID, and usually never answer her calls. She will call 3 & 4 times and leave messages (and make it sound urgent) before I decide to call her back. She just doensn’t get the hint. Oh, and as for answering the phone today, I was taking a nap and have very bad eyesight w/o my contacts or glasses on. I just grabbed the phone and answered it to make it stop ringing so my son wouldn’t wake up (it’s not like I could’ve read the id screen anyway;) ).

THe letter sounds like a great idea, but we sold our home FSBO. I know that there wasn’t/isn’t a thing wrong with it because they hired an inspector who couldn’t find a single thing wrong with the house. She never calls to complain about the house. She is just obsessed with the life I lived in it and tries to imitate it – down to the decorating. I mean, she bought my house, not my friendship! I have never heard of anyone trying to remain friends with the previous owner of the home they live in.:shrug:

But thanks Liza and Annie for the suggestions. I must sound like a witch, but I am just so fed up and tired of her. This has been one long year!:blush:


#6

1.) Save all the emails you have, and any answering machine tapes if you have a regular answering machine. Chnage the current machine tape if that’s how you do it. If she has called you on your cell, go to your provider’s website andg a printout log of all calls.

2.) Call your home phone provider. Tell them this woman is harassing you. That is what she is doing, harassing you. Tell them you want your phone number changed.

3.) Do not talk to this woman, her husband, or her kids again. Period. Ever.

4.) If she sends you any mail, make a copy of it, and turn it over to the police when you open a formal complaint against her.

5.) If she comes to your front door, tell you you don’t want to see her, and to go away. If she refuses, call the police.

6.) Lock your doors. If you can afford it, get an alarm system.

7.) She sounds as if she has serious problems.


#7

I echo what everyone else has said - block her e-mails and her calls.

And, sweetie - turn off the ringer when you’re napping, unless you’ve got a relative in hospital and you’re waiting for news. The answering machine can get it, and you can call them back later. :wink:


#8

She is probably lonely and looking for a friend…trying to think of reasons to call you. Sorry you’re dealing with this, it would freak me out, too.


#9

She is more than just lonely - this woman has something seriously the matter with her.


#10

Woah what a crazy situation!

Did you do a private sale? Anytime I have been involved in a real estate transaction, I barely know the name of the person I am buying from / selling to. I guess your situation just goes to show that you had better do it with as much distance as possible.

She really shouldn’t be calling you and asking you about things in the house. (obviously). You are in a tough place.

I guess I would just stop taking her calls. Do you have call display?


#11

Oh, your post totally reminded me of something ( I told you I could go on and on about her!:wink: ). When we moved back to our hometown, we built a new house. The exact same day my alarm company was installing my alarm system and giving me the demo, she showed up at my new house:eek: ! I have NO CLUE how she found out my address or where I was building because we weren’t occupying the residence yet! She whipped out her camera, and took pictures of my cabinets when I wasn’t looking and ended up having her cabinets in my old house (her house) faux finished to look like my new house. That is just insane!!!

You guys always make me feel better. Thanks for letting me vent. Now, I am off to get my children from that horrible school I make them attend;) I’ll check back later.


#12

You aren’t sounding like a witch; she however, does sound crazy.

Don’t be afraid to set and enforce limits, and if those include zero contact, so be it. I’d block her number, and just hang up on her if she calls. She may have good motives, but her aberrant behavior shouldn’t be tolerated in adult society. If she doesn’t beg off, tell her you are calling the police.

Also, rent the movie “Single White Female”…


#13

You have a serious stalker! I’m sorry you’re going thru this. Can I ask, was this a private sale or was it done w/realtors? If you had a realtor, you can tell her to have her agent call your agent, and your agent will contact you. Be careful. She sounds like a nut. If you make her angry she could sue you for something about the house… I’ve seen it happen, I worked in Real Estate for 3 yrs.

I think the way she found your address was easy. It’s all in public records. I can get anyone’s address in the entire country just by their name and last name, heck all you need is the last name! It’s very easy to do if she has access to public records. Even if she didn’t, the online white pages give you so much info, it’s not even funny! Once I searched myself to see what would come up, and my mom’s address, my address, my emails and phone numbers were on there? How??? I don’t know. I contacted the online white pages to have all my information removed. Heck, I even paid for my address to be excluded from the book when I first moved out of my mom’s but it was published online???

What this person is doing is illegal. You can call your phone provider and they can screen and/or block her calls. They can do this if you’re getting harrassed. You can also change your number if she’s doing this to you. With all you have, you can get a restraining order. I mean, to come to your house and take pictures??? This woman is obsessed with your life!!! God forbid she would do anything to you or your children!


#14

Hi, just my two cents here, and not to demonize this woman, but you are dealing with not only her external behaviour, but a very subtle “web” or trap. If you confront her, you will be wrong. If you freeze her out and avoid her, you will be wrong. It’s abuse, and there’s no winning.

The way abusers operate is unconscious, but it’d designed to push other people to (or past) their limits, which then, no matter HOW they react, will justify the abuser’s sense of being a victim. I can almost hear this woman… “I was only trying to be nice. But I liked her knick-knacks so much! How could she (you) be so cold-hearted and mean?”

There is no way you will be able to get her to see you as you are. To her, you are only an instrument, a puppet in her sad game.

Search your own heart, and do the best you can for you. If it were me, I would write her a brief, civil letter expressing your boundaries, so that it’s clear why you are turning off the phone and not returning her calls – then follow through, and don’t feel guilty. If she presses, get a restraining order, and/or follow the lists of suggestions above.

You are not required to be an instrument of her illness. It doesn’t actually help her, and I can tell you from experience that it will be harmful to you if you stay trapped in the web. I believe it’s more loving to draw limits and live your truth (for her or anyone to see) than it is to continue “taking it”, which can be a subtle internal trap as well. For example, is it your ego that doesn’t want to see yourself as mistreating her? Are you TRYING to be holy? Or are you genuinely concerned for HER.

Genuine concern for HER would lead you to not let her continue her harmful behaviour, for her sake as well as yours.

Have courage!
And thank you for sharing. I’m glad I’m not alone!


#15

Hello:wave:

Do you have caller id? If not–get it, it is the best thing in the world! Well, not in the world, but if you don’t want to answer the phone, but want to know who’s calling, it’s great. When you see her calling, don’t answer. At first, reading your thread–it sounded like she was trying to be nice…but she just sounds intrusive at this stage. :o


#16

Is there any way you can contact her husband and let him know what is happening. If she does have an illness and perhaps is in treatment, her doctor would need to know about this. At the very least you have it on record with someone else in the family that you have asked her to stop contacting you. IF it goes nowhere with the husband I would get an order of protection. Sounds harsh, but my husband was a cop and pretty strange things happen with stalkers.


#17

She sounds like a case of BPD. These unfortunates usually have been abused, abandoned, unwanted or exhausted to the point of having no chance to learn who they are inside. Sometimes drugs contribute to the illness. What works on normal people just sets them off. They don’t know the range of relationships between merging completely with someone and hating someone vehemently, so you can’t turn her away politely if this is her affliction; you can only avoid her and do what other posters have suggested: record what she does and be ready to make a formal complaint and get protection. If she can’t be one with you, she will see you as betraying her by rejecting her and abandoning her (I know it doesn’t make sense, but that’s just a common part of BPD thinking). What she is afraid of has nothing to do with the difficulties of deciding whether to get a disposal. It’s disappearing completely without someone to turn into when her current false personality fades away. Don’t give her any more info about yourself, because she can use it to imitate you and she will jsut get more addicted to being you. That is, if she really is BPD, which it sounds like to me.


#18

I know others have said this, but it is really getting dangerous. I was stalked by a former student once and it started very similarly to this…it got dangerous and violent - I had to leave my job and disappear - REALLY. Change your number, and if you need it, get an order of protection - don’t wait until she really tries to take over your life!


#19

Well, she has decorated the house ALMOST exactly like I had it and emailed me the pictures. It has come down to her buying the same knick-knacks I had and putting them in the same locations.:eek:

This is definately very weird, and I would find this behavior very creepy. However, that said, do you perhaps have an exceptional ability at style and home decorating? Many people don’t–they know what they like when they see it, but they don’t know how to pull it together.

She liked your old house enough to buy it., and she now wants to get all her interior decorating and home maintenance ideas from you. She also seems to like you, and since you return her calls, she may think you also like her. If this is typical behavior from her, she probably doesn’t meet too many people who return her calls–I wouldn’t.


#20

Yessi, yes we did a private sale (no realtor involved --my house sold after being on the market for 1 1/2 days). We did have a real estate attorney present at closing, and did all the paperwork through the proper channels (I have a realtor friend who gave us advice)…we just didn’t have realtors to talk through. Correct me if I am wrong, but I was under the impression that you have 1year and 1 day after the sale of a house to be ‘free’ from a lawsuit.:shrug: Sunday was the deadline for that. I could be wrong about the 1yr, 1day thing…my brain is a little foggy right now. :o Either way, I am so not worried about anything in that regard. She hired an inspector, we passed it with flying colors, and everything else was done legally, so she has nothing to sue us over. (the house was only 5 years old). Also, she has sent me gobs of emails saying how she can’t believe how well we kept everything up, and how they are enjoying the house so much (along with her pictures).

Gardenswithkids,

Well, alot of people tell me I am a very good decorator. It’s something I just have a passion for, and I can just walk into a room and invision things. Having said that, I have NEVER encountered anyone who wants to copy exactly what I have, well…until her. I have bounced around ideas to anyone who will ask for my opinion because they like my style, but have never had anyone want to be just like me:blush: . It just seems creepy that she is so obsessed with me.

Oh, and Vinessa…yes, I agree that I can’t win with her. I feel bad after the 4th or 5th message and eventually call so that I don’t look like a witch. She would totally play the victim and say ‘I was just trying to be nice’ if I ever came out and said how she irritates me.

Thanks to everyone else who responded. I just told my hubby that I am no longer answering the phone or returning any more of her calls. He said if she leaves a message, HE will call her back. I hope that she backs off by us doing that. I really don’t want to have to resort to changing my phone # or being downright rude and ugly.


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