I need to find some hope


#1

I’m not sure who out there has been following my story. I’m also not sure how many of you are sick to death of hearing it. I feel guilty for being on such a pity-party when there are so many people out there dealing with things a lot worse than I am. It’s just that I’m really having a hard time dealing with all of this. I’m feeling really lonely and depressed here. I’m also very ashamed to say I actually tried to kill myself about 2 weeks ago. I understand that it is a huge sin. Please do not preach about this to me. I need some help. Anyone please??? I don’t feel that I would try this again, but I feel a sadness that is so great. I’ve never felt this low before.


#2

[quote=Anna’s Mom]I’m not sure who out there has been following my story. I’m also not sure how many of you are sick to death of hearing it. I feel guilty for being on such a pity-party when there are so many people out there dealing with things a lot worse than I am. It’s just that I’m really having a hard time dealing with all of this. I’m feeling really lonely and depressed here. I’m also very ashamed to say I actually tried to kill myself about 2 weeks ago. I understand that it is a huge sin. Please do not preach about this to me. I need some help. Anyone please??? I don’t feel that I would try this again, but I feel a sadness that is so great. I’ve never felt this low before.
[/quote]

If you have seriously tried to kill yourself, I think you need help beyond what we can offer here. I’m not the US but what agencies are there that can help with this sort of thing? Remember how much your daughter needs you.


#3

The love I have for my daughter is so great I can’t understand why I tried leaving her. What is wrong with me??? All I can do is cry all the time. I feel I’m loosing my mind. I have been doing weird things. I’m having trouble concentrating on anything. The other day I went to a pre-pay gas station paid for gas, got in my car and drove away without pumping it. A few days after that I found myself wearing two diferrent shoes. ( both were blue and white running shoes but still…) Today I went to walmart, the grocery store, post office before I realized I wasn’t wearing (excuse me) a bra. I don’t feel this is normal activity. Has anyone else done stuff like this??? I feel out of control.


#4

I’m so afraid


#5

Dear Mom,
Your cry for help is one that I could not ignore, but your problems are beyond what can be dealt with in this forum. I would suggest that you consider talking to your priest, and asking him to refere you to a Catholic counselor. Catholic Charities in your diocese may have a counseling center who could help you. They most likely charge on a sliding scale based on your income. I am sure that everyone who has read your post will be praying for you. Marysann


#6

Anna’s mom. Please dear, get help right away. Catholic Charties would be your best bet, but if its during the night, or the weekend go directly to any hospital medical center, they usually have a crisis center right there and can help you (a Medical Center must take you, even if you have no insurance) You must tell them everything and they can help. No one will judge you, they are there to help you only. you will not be “locked up” as so many people believe, it part of an Emergency Room usually. Then you can follow up with your Priest or Catholic Charities, but don’t wait. (In my small Parish we have one Priest and so we have to make an appointment or hope he’s there.) Your behavior sounds like a woman who is severly depressed and you need help now for you and your little girl. I will Pray for you and give you a big cyber hug(((:love: ))). :blessyou: Kay (not sucide thoughts, but I had to bring my son with Autism a couple of times when he abused himself so badly I could not control him and they were so kind and caring to every patient in there even a man who seem to be strung out on drugs… Gave him the help we needed and several hours later he went home and followed up with his Doctor)


#7

Your symptoms would indicate Major Depression - loss of concentration, crying all the time, forgetfulness, suicidal thoughts - sometimes there is a “social stigma” related to seeking treatment for this condition, however I would have to say that many people - more than you would think - are treated for this condition!

I sought treatment when I realized that my kids were growing up with a mother who was unpredictable - one moment happy, the other in tears or screaming at them. I didn’t want them to remember their childhood like this - now I can cope with life.

If you have no insurance, most areas have a county mental health department. I agree with the others on this forum, you need more help than what you can find on this forum.


#8

Anna’sMom,

You need to seek council with a priest, and a Catholic counslor. You need to pray often the Serenity prayer and the St. Michael prayer. Ask for help with these burdens. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! Remember the footprints poem! However, satan is playing games with your doubt. Ask God for strength to carry your burdens. He does not want you to be in this must dispair, he wants to help you.

Many blessings and prayers to you!


#9

Anna’s Mom,

First of all I am so happy you did not go through with the temptation to end your life.
I understand what you may be thinking, I too had a very dark time in my life. It takes time, patience and self control. All which are not easy in a time of sadness.

Please seek help, no matter how hard it may be for you. If God did not see hope in us, would He have sent down His only Son? He loves you so very much and wants you in heaven with Him.

Do not despair.
May God bless you and if you need to vent please contact me.


#10

[quote=LynnieLew]Anna’s Mom,

First of all I am so happy you did not go through with the temptation to end your life.
I understand what you may be thinking, I too had a very dark time in my life. It takes time, patience and self control. All which are not easy in a time of sadness.

Please seek help, no matter how hard it may be for you. If God did not see hope in us, would He have sent down His only Son? He loves you so very much and wants you in heaven with Him.

Do not despair.
May God bless you and if you need to vent please contact me.
[/quote]

The worst part is I did go through with it. I carried out my plans, however I’m still here today.
I am seeking counseling, although I do not feel like it is helping me. Counseling cannot bring my husband back. Counseling cannot take all this blame off my shoulders.
My biggest fear right now is that If I talk to someone, they will take my daughter away, thinking I cannot deal with her right now. She is the only thing keeping me going at all.


#11

Anna’s Mom, are you in Kansas City?

I live here too and I’m wondering if you need some referrals for a a priest. I understand you haven’t been to mass in awhile, so I’m wondering if maybe you’re not sure what priest or parish to call upon? If you would like some guidance, PM me.

Since you are within the first year since your darling baby was born, I am wondering if this situational issue (your husband leaving) is exacerbated by post-partum depression?

Again, I don’t know, and it sounds like you don’t either–which is OKAY. But please let a psychiatrist guide you.

This is a suicide hotline. Please call it when you are feeling afraid or like you may want to hurt yourself. These people do not judge and will listen and help you reframe your thoughts.
**1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433). This is toll-free and open 24/7–call any time during the day or night for FREE.

**Please call your medical insurance provider and find a psychiatrist who is in-network and funded by your insurance plan. He or she will be able to evaluate you and determine the best course of medication (if needed) and therapy to help you feel better.


#12

yes, I live close to Kansas City.

I’m afraid to talk to a priest

I didn’t feel depressed or sad after the baby when my husband was around, so I don’t think it is post partum.

I do not have any insurance. Sometimes I barely have gas money to get to work. Had to buy a pack of diapers recently with all change. I feel these finances are making things worse. Now I know where the money has been going with dh. (check out my recent post to other thread)

don’t know what to do. I’m at wits end here.


#13

Don’t be afraid to talk with the priest! Remember, he’s heard all sorts of Confessions, whatever you say or tell him about your life will be nothing new or unusual to him. Tell him also of your financial struggle and he might be able to get you in touch with some charities.

What is the worst that could happen if you talk to a priest? It is possible that he might not have massive amounts of time to help out but he certainly will be able to point you in the right direction for help. You need support and he’ll be able to lead you to that support.


#14

I live on the Kansas side, in the suburbs, and I know many kind, gentle priests. I have a good friend who lives on the Missouri side and may be able to reccommend to me someone who would compassionately guide you.

As for post-partum, symptoms do not always develop right away. Symptoms can start 3 mo, 6 mo, 9 mo, 11 mo, etc after delivery.

If you do not have insurance, then I reccommend Catholic Charities. Here are all the contacts for the Kansas City, MO side (which is a different diocese then I am in, but the two collaborate all the time) **which offers COUNSELING on a sliding scale. **

1112 Broadway
Kansas City, MO 64105
(816) 221-4377 ext.335
(800) 875-4377
Judy Thompson
jthompson@ccharities.com

                     751 E. 63rd Street
                 Kansas City, MO 64110
         (816) 333-2040 ext. 101    
     John Kostoryz, M.A.        

dharmon@ccharities.com

If you want counseling at any of these KCMO Catholic parishes, provided by Catholic Charities, pick the one closest to you and then contact the person below to arrange your appt. Explain at that time that you are concerned about the financial aspect but you are suffering suicidal thoughts, your husband has left you and you have a young baby to care for.
*
St. Therese, St. Mark’s, St. Patrick’s and Christ the King.*

751 E. 63rd Street
Kansas City, MO 64110
(816) 333-2040 ext. 107
Donna Harmon
dharmon@ccharities.com

If you live closer to these cities/counties:
*(Serving Andrew, Atchison, Buchanan, Caldwell, Clinton, Daviees, Dekalb, Gentry, Grundy, Harrison, Holt, Livingston, Mercer, Nodaway and Worth Counties in Missouri.)

The following serve: (Bates, Carroll, Cass, Henry, Johnson, Lafayette, St. Clair, and Vernon Counties in Missouri)
Heart of Missouri Office
118 Hout Street, Suite F
Warrensburg, MO 64093
(660) 747-2241
(888) 626-4245
Diane Ciafullo
dciafullo@ccharities.com

To arrange appt. in Warrensburg:
118 Hout Street, Suite F
Warrensburg, MO 64093
(660) 747-2241
(888) 626-4245
Velina Todd
vtodd@ccharities.com

ALSO. If you are needing money for diapers and food and other supplies, CC of KC-St.Joe provides Emergency Assistance. The do both medical and food assistance.
Kansas City Office
1112 Broadway
Kansas City, MO 64105
(816) 221-4377 ext.315
(800) 875-4377
Laura White
lwhite@ccharities.com

Northwest Missouri Office
1302 Faraon
St. Joseph, MO 64501
(816) 232-2885 ext.25
(888) 629-2886
Dorothy Blakley
dblakley@ccharities.com

Please reach out to these people who can help you. Things will change and only get better if you get some help and assistance during this difficult time for you.


#15

thank you.
I just don’t know what to do.
i don’t want to be anyone’s charity case.
I already get the baby’s formula paid for by WIC.


#16

[quote=Anna’s Mom]thank you.
I just don’t know what to do.
i don’t want to be anyone’s charity case.
I already get the baby’s formula paid for by WIC.
[/quote]

Don’t think of it as charity, you are getting help for you and your daughter. That is what its there for, people in your situation. Because so many companies cut back and don’t offer any insurance, this is the workingman/woman’s only option. Don’t be embarrassed, they are there to help you.((((:love:))))


#17

Anna,

please seek out the advice here—especially that of Princess Abby. She gave you many resources to investigate.

I think with all of the thoughtful and caring advice here, I have nothing more to add, except my prayers.

Trust and hope in the Lord Anna.


#18

Anna’s Mom:

I’m a Filipino Senior deep in debt and “not bankable” - and who is still searching for the way out of my situation. I feel bad about not being to help out my 50-yr old Widow-Sister. She called up many times the past weeks asking for urgent financial help. She has 5 growing up children needing food and education. And I could not give any. As my other Brothers and Sisters have problems of their own, they all decided (soon after the death of our Mother in Yr 2002 and contrary to my position) to sell out our one and only “Family Compound” which Mama specified in her Will should not be disposed off as this was Mama’s one and only legacy. In difference to me, they gave me until Year-end 2004 (extended to Yr-end 2005) to “Buy-Out their shares”. To-date, the “Buy-Out Money” has yet to fall from Heaven. Hence, I am in deep crisis myself.

On the other hand, I saw my Mother as a Catholic Teacher-of-Life. I would advise that you get to visit my blog - mymotherinheaven.blogspot.com. To me, Mother was a Model of Catholic Survival. Perhaps, she could be yours and others as well. Kiss Anna for me.


#19

[quote=Anna’s Mom]thank you.
I just don’t know what to do.
i don’t want to be anyone’s charity case.
I already get the baby’s formula paid for by WIC.
[/quote]

Sometimes God sends a variety of people our way to help us, though not always in the way that is most easy for our pride. I doubt that a psychiatrist is going to land on your front doorstep and know exactly what you need. :slight_smile: Nor do I think a shoebox of cash will come your way and suddenly be enough for medical and food issues. I am not trying to be rough with you, I’m just trying to demonstrate that God provides the resources and then we have to be willing to do our part by reaching out. Remember that saying, “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten”?? I think this applies here. If you try something new, different and even out of your comfort zone, you have no idea the grace God will give you to heal and take care of yourself and the baby.

Please reach out and get some help. Just because you need help right now does not mean this situation won’t change and that in the future, when things with your husband are more settled and you are feeling more steady–things will turn themselves around, because you’ll be healthy enough to deal with all that is facing your family.

If you don’t have health insurance, is Anna covered by a state program? I bet WIC can give you info to cover her through medicaid? Again, just a suggestion.


#20

AM,

I am so sorry to hear that you have been dealing with what appears to be severe depression. After what you attempted, I would guess you have had at least some medical intervention. Please, take the advice of the people on these boards. Princess Abby has done an excellent job of locating exactly the right places to call for help.

Have you ever heard the joke about the person in the flood asking God for help?

If you’ve already heard it, you can skip it. Otherwise, it goes like this:A large flood comes and a young man finds himself cut off from an escape route as the waters continue to rise. He turns to God and prays that the flood will avoid his home and all his posessions, leaving him unharmed. His prayer is interupted by a neighbor who has a boat that can be reached and giving them a way out. The neighbor invites him to join him. “No thanks,” answers the young man, “I’m a strong believer in prayer and I know God will spare both me and my home.” His neighbor knows that as the waters get higher it will be more dangerous to maneuver the boat, so he departs, leaving his friend behind.

The waters continue to rise, now coming up into the house, the basement has filled and now the first floor is experiencing flooding as well. Again, he turns to prayer, asking God to make the waters recede, spare the remainder of his property and keep him safe from harm. This time, he is interupted by the sound of a bullhorn. A rescue team has approached and asks him to enter their larger, safer boat and be brought out to dry ground. Once again, this young man answers, “No thanks,” says the young man, “I’m a strong believer in prayer and I know God will spare both me and my home.” The rescue team tries to reason with him, but in the end they leave in the hopes of saving others in his small community.

By now the waters have risen quite a bit, and the man is forced to climb out onto the roof of his home to stay dry. He again turns to prayer, conceding that perhaps he had too great an attachment to material things, he asks God one more time to make the waters recede and spare him from harm. As he completes his prayer, his thoughts are drowned out by the sounds of helicopter rotors approaching him on the rooftop. A rescuer is lowered down and attempts to strap him into a harness to be pulled to safety. But the young man only answers “No thanks, I’m a strong believer in prayer and I know God will spare me.”

Shortly thereafter, as the young man struggles to understand what he is seeing, he realizes it is the pearly gates and St. Peter standing before him. “Why am I here and why didn’t God answer me?” he asks in disbelief.

"Who do you think sent your neighbor, the rescue boat and finally the helicopter?"
AM,

We are all called to be vessels of God’s love. As such, you are not a “charity case” when you accept the love of God offered to you through one of his children. Catholic Charities sounds like they may be able to help. The parish priest may be able to help. You need to accept the advice you’ve been given, recognize the answers you’ve been receiving to your prayers and take action to help yourself, your daughter and your husband as well by getting the help you so desperately need.

Do not pass up the lifelines which have been dropped to you.

God Bless,

CARose


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