I need to leave the parents but I'm afraid


#1

I'm 26 and have lived with friends twice, but convinced myself it was "God's will" that I move back. I pay rent right now, but still have this acute need to prove I can live by myself(no friend support or anything).

I'm also kinda financially insecure as I grew up in government subsidized housing and turned against "charity". I work a minimum wage job and I'm afraid that in the real world I would drown financially. That and it's hard to get motivated about anything because life seems like a treadmill. Something's missing.

Any thoughts??


#2

youd have a better time 'proving' or even demonstrating your financial independence if you had a better job. being you're already home with your parents, why not go back to school? learn a trade. give yourself 18 months- 2 years of school/ experience, get a better job then move out.

pell grants arent 'charity'. their a necessity for most people trying at furthering education and increasing their employment options.


#3

[quote="josephback, post:1, topic:246854"]
I'm 26 and have lived with friends twice, but convinced myself it was "God's will" that I move back. I pay rent right now, but still have this acute need to prove I can live by myself(no friend support or anything).

I'm also kinda financially insecure as I grew up in government subsidized housing and turned against "charity". I work a minimum wage job and I'm afraid that in the real world I would drown financially. That and it's hard to get motivated about anything because life seems like a treadmill. Something's missing.

Any thoughts??

[/quote]

You're right, working a minimum wage job, you are going to have a hard time being independent. You need some training or to go to college, have you ever thought about that? I'd say you do need to start working towards leaving your parents' house - 26 is getting on in life not to be at least minimally self-supporting.

Getting grants and scholarships, you can go to school and work part-time. I would NOT get heavily into student loans, I have heard of many young people coming out of school with 100K of student loans to pay off and no work in their field! :eek:

The "something missing" may be an interest that will produce income as well as be a profession/job you can take pride in.


#4

I've been told by other people that it's getting to the time I should commit to something, but it all seems so meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It seems I go in circles, and when I do what people say I should it sometimes feels like selling out(materialism and such) I want my life to matter, but I don't always feel the drive necessary to make that happen. I do pay my own bills, but I also have the safety net of living with my parents if something goes wrong. And that's what I'm afraid to lose...

As to education I've thought about becoming a truck driver, but haven't gotten into it much. I don't really know how it'd go. I don't know, I complain a lot....

Mostly I want to make the right decision and one that will matter, but I feel like I'm just gong by the seat of my pants with no real direction. It's unfulfilling.....


#5

The truck driver occupation sounds like a very good idea. A trade like that with a job guaranteed at the end of your training is a very good way to go. Also there is always military service. I myself come from a family who lived on welfare, I tried to make it though college but it is very hard without some support at home. I'm not saying that college isn't possible but I think that for some people who come from economically distressed situations, there are better options .

And I wouldn't even think of moving out, as long your parents are willing to let you live there.
Don't loose hope, I found my way out poverty by building a business with my husband, though things are a little tight now (the economy is to blame), I have had many years of very comfortable living and sent my own children to college.

Best wishes and God bless!


#6

[quote="josephback, post:1, topic:246854"]
I'm 26 and have lived with friends twice, but convinced myself it was "God's will" that I move back. I pay rent right now, but still have this acute need to prove I can live by myself(no friend support or anything).

I'm also kinda financially insecure as I grew up in government subsidized housing and turned against "charity". I work a minimum wage job and I'm afraid that in the real world I would drown financially. That and it's hard to get motivated about anything because life seems like a treadmill. Something's missing.

Any thoughts??

[/quote]

I commend you for wanting to leave your parents and strike out on your own.

Why do you have an acute need to prove that you can live by yourself? What's wrong with living with friends and sharing the costs of an apartment? I think that's a very realistic way for young people to start out in life. It's kind of fun!

Frankly, I agree with you that you will drown with just min. wage. Perhaps you live in a part of the U.S. that is cheap enough that you could find a place and be able to afford it, along with all the other expenses of life in the U.S., on just min. wage, but wow, I can't imagine.

If you had several roommates who all had gainful employment, you might be able to live on min. wage by volunteering to do extra chores around the apartment, or perhaps doing most of the cooking, since you won't be able to chip in much towards the rent. That would work out OK. Is that a viable option for you?

I agree with others that you probably should get some more schooling, probably in a trade school or apprenticeship. If you stick with min. wage jobs, you'll never have enough money to get very far in life. If you're OK with an extremely simple life and a constant struggle to survive, then that's OK. But if you like the idea of living on your own, or if you have any hopes of getting married, or have other goals (buying a car, travelling, etc.) you will have to earn more than min. wage.

Could you get together with a career counselor, perhaps at your old high school? These people have tests that assess your interests and help you to hone in on what kind of work you would enjoy that would also provide enough income to make a decent living.

It sounds to me like you are struggling with the reality that in the United States, people have to work at a job in order to earn money so that they can buy things and live a decent life.

It's understandable that you are having a hard time internalizing the fact of getting a job and earning a wage. So many people in the U.S. have NOT accepted that reality, and they choose to just play instead of work. They live on handouts, either from their parents, from the government, or sometimes from a foolish friend (often a friend with a romantic interest). There are families who have lived for several generations on government dole. They don't know any other way to live because they haven't bought into the idea that they have to actually work to earn money to support themselves. And sadly, some of these people have the gall to complain that they don't receive enough money from the "handouts."

So perhaps you need to start out by sitting down and convincing yourself, once and for all, that in the United States, you must work at a job to earn money. This is not futile or "a treadmill." It's reality, and it's important to accept this reality and work within it, not try to deny reality and live outside of it in a fantasy world.

Another thing that it sounds to me like you are struggling with is the idea that work is not always enjoyable ("treadmill"). Again, it's understandable that you're having a hard time with this. So much of media has given people the idea that your job has to be fulfilling and spiritually-enriching, and something that makes an important contribution to humanity.

This would sure be nice, and some people manage to find jobs like that. But most of us end up in jobs that are not especially wonderful. We are bored, or overwhelmed, or physically tired, or in some other way less than thrilled to go to work everyday. If someone dropped millions of dollars into our laps, we would quit in an instant!

But that's just too bad, so sad, for us! No one is going to drop millions into our laps. What most of us have learned to do is find enjoyment on our jobs whereever we can find it. We CHOOSE to be happy. We don't expect happiness (or money) to fall into our lap.

So perhaps the next thing you have to do is stop thinking of "work" and "living on your own" as a "treadmill" and instead, see it as "life." And then you'll have to learn ways of thinking that help you to enjoy life rather than feel like "something is missing."

Finally, you really do have to do some hard work just figuring out what kind of hard work you want to spend the rest of your earthly life doing five days/evenings/nights a week. A guidance counselor would definitely help. OR you could do a lot of online research--I'm guessing that there are lots of websites about "finding the right career for you."

But it's work. It means putting away the video games, turning off the TV and possibly the radio, and spending many hours a day working at finding work.

One option that might be something to think about is joining the military. I personally would never want to do this because I wouldn't want to be killed in a war. But most military people are not killed in a war, just like most people who drive cars are not killed in car accidents. Military veterans end up with good benefits, including a lot of good options for paying for college. They also learn trades while serving. And they learn to be self-confident and make friends. Perhaps this would be something to think about.

I hope that some of my thoughts have given you something to chew on. Good luck to you.


#7

[quote="josephback, post:1, topic:246854"]
I'm 26 and have lived with friends twice, but convinced myself it was "God's will" that I move back. I pay rent right now, but still have this acute need to prove I can live by myself(no friend support or anything).

I'm also kinda financially insecure as I grew up in government subsidized housing and turned against "charity". I work a minimum wage job and I'm afraid that in the real world I would drown financially. That and it's hard to get motivated about anything because life seems like a treadmill. Something's missing.

Any thoughts??

[/quote]

You should work to emancipate yourself financially but you don't have to move out unless you and/or your parents want you too.If everybody gets along then why do you have to move out? If you are still able to live independantly but respectfully of your parents then it isn't necessary for you to get an apartment.
At 26 you should be doing better than a minimum wage job unless you have some kind of disability or had a major career setback. You probably would drown financially .

Have you considered taking some civil service tests ? Taking some classes at community college?


#8

I've totally rejected the welfare mentality and actually despise it. I do not intend to sit back and let others pay for me. That said I probably have fallen for the media spin that a job needs to be fulfilling, I want what I do to have lasting value. The job I have right now doesn't qualify.

As for living on my own it's interesting that some are questioning the need. I guess I never got over the slightly teenage need to prove myself. I often feel like I'm behind my peers.

My need to live on my own without roomates is probably a pride issue. That and I'm a loner.

I have mixed feelings on my parents(actually my mom and stepdad). They are(as I was) heretics and I don't know whether to hate, pity, or be indifferent towards them. The early Christians separated themselves and I could do that but it would be hard. It's very hard to view them as lost living under the same roof. Ditto for my friends.

Truck driving seems l Ike a good option, but I've been wondering how it works/interferes with Sunday Mass. I don't want to add any extra difficulties to my spiritual life. Any truckers with a perspective?

Thanks for everyone for commenting:)


#9

They are(as I was) heretics and I don't know whether to hate, pity, or be indifferent towards them.

joseph, how about none of the above? how about pray for them and pray for yourself asking God to put into your heart a sincere and enduring desire for blessings for them?


#10

I think the correct answer is to love them, but I don’t know how to love them and reject what they believe. There are also some other things I’m bitter about with them. I like my bitterness…should probably change my religious views to “bad Catholic”.

Prayer presupposes a power behind it. And how can anyone know an answer will come or if one does that it will be from God?:shrug: What does prayer accomplish?

That’s where I stand:(


#11

[quote="josephback, post:10, topic:246854"]
I think the correct answer is to love them, but I don't know how to love them and reject what they believe. There are also some other things I'm bitter about with them. I like my bitterness.....should probably change my religious views to "bad Catholic".

Prayer presupposes a power behind it. And how can anyone know an answer will come or if one does that it will be from God?:shrug: What does prayer accomplish?

That's where I stand:(

[/quote]

Go to adoration, my friend. Sit in front of Jesus' Body and you will find answers. Just place yourself there and it will help, I guarantee it.

Jesus will not allow you to remain bitter.


#12

My advice would be to join the military, you can even become a truck driver in the military if you like. There are hundreds of jobs to choose from, you can join for as little as 2 or 3 years, you'll be in great physical shape, housing taken care of, and food, and you'll build character and a resume. I've heard that becoming a chaplain's assistant is an awesome job.

If you're worried about going to war, join the coast guard.


#13

[quote="katolsk, post:12, topic:246854"]
My advice would be to join the military, you can even become a truck driver in the military if you like. There are hundreds of jobs to choose from, you can join for as little as 2 or 3 years, you'll be in great physical shape, housing taken care of, and food, and you'll build character and a resume. I've heard that becoming a chaplain's assistant is an awesome job.

If you're worried about going to war, join the coast guard.

[/quote]

The problem with the military is, I don't take orders well:p


#14

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:11, topic:246854"]
Go to adoration, my friend. Sit in front of Jesus' Body and you will find answers. Just place yourself there and it will help, I guarantee it.

Jesus will not allow you to remain bitter.

[/quote]

I think adoration here is on Friday, which was yesterday. Besides bitter I'm also frustrated and cynical. Maybe the rosary will help.


#15

You indicate you are in the Chippewa Valley area. There are some excellent affordable schools nearby - UW Eu Clair and UW Stout. Check them out. Classes start in about 6 weeks. I know young people who go to both schools and really like both. You need an education to get a decent (more than minimum wage) job.


#16

Do people not think that any wage including minimum should be enough to sustain a home especially if they are giving most of their free time and being to their employer?


#17

That is a whole separate discussion. The reality is that one cannot maintain much on minimum wage. The OP is young and sounds like he is looking for direction. Studies show that those with college degrees generally earn more over a lifetime than those without. He states he is earning minimum wage, and he clearly is not happy. So do something about it!

Minimum wage is $7.25 per hour. Working 40 hours per week at that is $290 per week. Assuming paid vacations, at 52 weeks per year, that is $15,080 per year. That is not much!

Rent (or mortgage and home insurance), car payments, car maintenance, car insurance, fuel, food, utilities, health insurance, and more eat that up pretty quickly! Once one is married and has children, life insurance costs get added to that.


#18

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