I NEED TO TALK about a gay child


#1

I’ve been informed by my 20 year old son that he is gay and in a relationship. He has totally rejected Christianity and any notion of hell or the devil. He finds anyone he can to support him, especially those who will twist scripture or concur that it (scripture and church teaching) no longer applies to todays culture. His mother and I were divorced 13 years ago and I’ve had limited influence on him. I love him and want to be there for him but cannot support him on this issue. My heart is very troubled for him and we pray for him constantly. He has threatened suicide in the past so I have to be very careful about causing him to go into depression again.


#2

[quote=David L]I’ve been informed by my 20 year old son that he is gay and in a relationship. He has totally rejected Christianity and any notion of hell or the devil. He finds anyone he can to support him, especially those who will twist scripture or concur that it (scripture and church teaching) no longer applies to todays culture. His mother and I were divorced 13 years ago and I’ve had limited influence on him. I love him and want to be there for him but cannot support him on this issue. My heart is very troubled for him and we pray for him constantly. He has threatened suicide in the past so I have to be very careful about causing him to go into depression again.
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my best advice… Pray for him and yourself… pray ernestly, and often… talk to your priest if your catholic…

I wish you peace…


#3

I doubt he would commit suicide if he knows how much you love him. I really think all you can do is continue to pray for him, let him know where you stand on the issue, and show him how much you love him. I am no expert so take what I say with a grain of salt!!

God Bless!

[quote=David L]I’ve been informed by my 20 year old son that he is gay and in a relationship. He has totally rejected Christianity and any notion of hell or the devil. He finds anyone he can to support him, especially those who will twist scripture or concur that it (scripture and church teaching) no longer applies to todays culture. His mother and I were divorced 13 years ago and I’ve had limited influence on him. I love him and want to be there for him but cannot support him on this issue. My heart is very troubled for him and we pray for him constantly. He has threatened suicide in the past so I have to be very careful about causing him to go into depression again.
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#4

[quote=David L]I’ve been informed by my 20 year old son that he is gay and in a relationship. He has totally rejected Christianity and any notion of hell or the devil. He finds anyone he can to support him, especially those who will twist scripture or concur that it (scripture and church teaching) no longer applies to todays culture. His mother and I were divorced 13 years ago and I’ve had limited influence on him. I love him and want to be there for him but cannot support him on this issue. My heart is very troubled for him and we pray for him constantly. He has threatened suicide in the past so I have to be very careful about causing him to go into depression again.
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Wow - tough situation and I pray for guidance for you.
Keep right on loving your son. He needs your prayers at this time to the Holy Spirit to help pull the veil of deception from his eyes.

Pray for yourself as well - for strength and comfort from the Holy Spirit. You said you were hurting from this as well. I cannot imagine the pain you are experiencing - but can offer my prayers.


#5

I don’t know how to help, other than saying that you all are in my prayers. God bless you in your trying times!


#6

Keep loving your son - let him see Jesus love in you. There is a Catholic ministry called Courage that may be able to give you more support - I think that the website is www.couragerc.net

Love your son - I have gay friends, and continue to love and pray for them.


#7

I have a friend who is gay. We used to be best friends. When we were little we were draged along to a rosary group our parents had. We grew up with similar rules… I dont know what happened. I dont understand why he has changed so much… I still talk to him sometimes, but its hard for me to be close to him, now. All I can do is pray for him. I will pray for your son, too.


#8

The goal is to love the child yet not support the error. This is very counter-cultural, and you will be in my prayers. I have found great support in praying to the Spirit as each new contact arises that I will be an instrument in God’s work in that person’a life.


#9

[quote=David L]I’ve been informed by my 20 year old son that he is gay and in a relationship. He has totally rejected Christianity and any notion of hell or the devil. He finds anyone he can to support him, especially those who will twist scripture or concur that it (scripture and church teaching) no longer applies to todays culture. His mother and I were divorced 13 years ago and I’ve had limited influence on him. I love him and want to be there for him but cannot support him on this issue. My heart is very troubled for him and we pray for him constantly. He has threatened suicide in the past so I have to be very careful about causing him to go into depression again.
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Dear DavidL:

Tell him you love him, and make every and any attempt you can to be as close as you can be, reaching out in love, like I’m sure you already are. He needs to know you love him no matter what. Try not to mention anything about hell or the devil or his soul, etc. that is not what he needs to hear, rather that you love him and support him as your son, even if he chooses this path. You can however, try to explain that you know this is NOT the best for him, nor what God’s plan for him is, and that you are praying for him. Make every attempt to do things together, to restore the father/son relationship. Let him know he can share his feelings with you, anything, and that you will not judge him, rather you will listen. He needs you to be there, more than you think, not your judgment, as hard as it is. It just might be an experimentation phase he’s going thru. Anyway, love love love him with fatherly love, yours and the Father above’s infinite love.

God Bless~~


#10

Through God’s grace and my brothers prayers I started my way back to the Church in 1997, however it wasn’t until Dec. 2001 when I totally broke away from that same lifestyle that your son is in now.

The WORST thing you could do is to badger him about religion and scripture. Love and prayer DOES work but the your patience will be truly tested.

I jused to verbally argue that the Church needed to ‘grow up’ and is ‘out of touch with today’, I said those things back in 1992.

I just wonder if your son’s concience really recognizes what he is doing to himself. In the beginning, I ‘knew’ I was doing wrong and kept doing it. Then later, it felt like my conscience wasn’t even there. Yet, God’s grace awoke my conscience and during 1997-2001 I made an effort to stop. IT ISN"T EASY to convert back to Christ’s Church. Are you patient to wait for your son to realize his wrong? Your waiting is love.
Your prayer is love.

My prayers will be with you!

God IS with Us!
Edwin


#11

I think that you have had some great posts here. Love your son, while you don’t like the choices. He knows that. Get some support from people in the know. There are other parents that could help you and of course priests that devote themselves to this issue and how to help families. I am sure at a Catholic book store they could point you in the right direction for a good book to read.

You are already doing the right thing by asking for help and praying. Keep it up.


#12

[quote=Edwin1961]Through God’s grace and my brothers prayers I started my way back to the Church in 1997, however it wasn’t until Dec. 2001 when I totally broke away from that same lifestyle that your son is in now.

The WORST thing you could do is to badger him about religion and scripture. Love and prayer DOES work but the your patience will be truly tested.

I jused to verbally argue that the Church needed to ‘grow up’ and is ‘out of touch with today’, I said those things back in 1992.

I just wonder if your son’s concience really recognizes what he is doing to himself. In the beginning, I ‘knew’ I was doing wrong and kept doing it. Then later, it felt like my conscience wasn’t even there. Yet, God’s grace awoke my conscience and during 1997-2001 I made an effort to stop. IT ISN"T EASY to convert back to Christ’s Church. Are you patient to wait for your son to realize his wrong? Your waiting is love.
Your prayer is love.

My prayers will be with you!

God IS with Us!
Edwin
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God bless you Edwin…you rock!:bowdown: :bowdown:


#13

[quote=martino]I doubt he would commit suicide if he knows how much you love him.

God Bless!
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He tried once. Conflicted sexual identity is at the root of a number of suicides. People don’t go commit suicide because no one loves them; they do so because they are so mentally screwed up, and because of depression with despair overtones.

Every person I know of who has committed suicide was loved.


#14

There are those who would blister his ears about his sinfulness and the fact that"he is going to hell", and would demand that you do likewise. They see the world in black and white, and take the position that if you are not verbaly condemning the sin, you are supporting it.
There is another route. I would suspect that he has already heard about the sinfulness. Supporting him as a person is not easy, as it can be twisted on you (by him, as well as others) to indicate that you support his lifestyle. However, support is what he needs; Christ tells us to hate the sin but love the sinner, to love our enemies, to turn the other cheek when we are assaulted.

I would never suggest that you be anything but honest with him as to what your position is about the lifestyle; but I would not say it unless it came up, or unless you were sure that he was twisiting your position or response to his own ends of justification. I would go out of my way to assure him of your love, if I were you.


#15

[quote=otm]He tried once. Conflicted sexual identity is at the root of a number of suicides. People don’t go commit suicide because no one loves them; they do so because they are so mentally screwed up, and because of depression with despair overtones.

Every person I know of who has committed suicide was loved.
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I never wanted to commit suicide but the sexual idenity and ‘finding yourself’ is probably the toughest thing ANY teenager can go through.

In retrospect, I felt like I ‘convinced’ myself that I thought I was homosexua when I was a teen. I felt socially shy, to begin with, and then had quite a number to girls turn me down in high school. I don’t know what your son’s social life was in high school, but kids can be pretty cruel.

Last year, I had a chance to talk to my brother and we probably firgured out why I thought I was gay, when I was younger.
This is what we came up with: Since I am visually impared and this was in the 1960’s, my father probably didn’t know how to deal with a disabled child. AND back then, it was common for the mother to stay home and be with the kids, SO I was more influenced by my mother than my father.
I know I must have broke my father’s heart that he couldn’t teach me sports or having rough play with the neighborhood kids. (One sharp blow to my head would (and can still) cause me to go blind).

With all that, now you can probably see why I thought the way I did.

Kids today are impressionable with what they see on TV and on the Internet…It seems that being ‘gay’ is ‘cool’. We all know it is NOT.

THAT was then and THIS is now.
However your son developed this attraction, is a concern, but just know that it can’t be permament. It wasn’t for me and I am sure this ‘could’ be the same here.


#16

Why not give the kid his space? Have you actually sat down and talked to him. I am not going to tell you to pray for him because praying doesnt solve anything. Perhaps he needs therapy to deal with your divorce? Has he sought professional help? Is his mother involved in his life? Perhaps sitting down and talking to him like an adult would help? Then again 20 is a tough time for any kid to go through. Let him make his own choices. The suicide thing is a cry for help (professional NOT religious). I hope it works out for you.


#17

Another thing to do with this situation…give God back the glory. Pray that God will be glorified in these suffering times, and “go forth to love and serve the Lord” by loving your son in whatever ways God directs you…and you may be surprised how he directs you!
God Bless,

Justin


#18

Well I certainly do not doubt anything that you said especially that they all were loved. I still think it is a matter of perceptioin, they may in fact be loved, but do they perceive that they are? Who really knows!

[quote=otm]He tried once. Conflicted sexual identity is at the root of a number of suicides. People don’t go commit suicide because no one loves them; they do so because they are so mentally screwed up, and because of depression with despair overtones.

Every person I know of who has committed suicide was loved.
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#19

I think alot of others have given invaluable advice already and therefore I shall not make this post long.

I do think that the most important thing is to pray for your son and love him. That always works, even if it take a long time. God will always be there for you, even when those closest to you are not.

As often said, love the sinner but hate the sin. Perhaps try to talk to him as often as you can, and try to find out why he is gay. For many youths, it is often for the sake of attention, while for others, they may be encountering other problems, etc.

And of course, show him your love. The best way to let him know you love him is to act your love out. Take it step by step, little by little, and it will work out. I trust that by God’s grace he will begin to see your love, even if it take time.

I will also do my part to pray for you and your son. God bless. =)


#20

David L,

I’m sorry that your family is going through such difficult times. I will remember to keep your family in my prayers. You may want to read Someone I Love Is Gay*: How Family & Friends Can Respond* by Anita Worthen & Bob Davies. Here are a few resources that you may find helpful:

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God Bless,
JMJ_Pinoy


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