I need you r help, prayers and encouragement


#1

I left my wife and family 3 years ago. I began abusing alcohol and drugs for the first time in my life, decided I was atheist, and was unfaithful. I thought I wanted something different and have only succeeded in ruining several lives. I am trying to find a way to come back home, but I don't know if that's possible now.
Please pray for my family first, and me secondarily. If you are a priest or pastor, I could sure use some guidance. email me.
Thank you all


#2

I am sorry for the pain that you are in, that your family is in. God wants you back. From Matthew Chapter 18

8 "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, 9 for I say to you that their angel
What is your opinion? If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them goes astray, will he not leave the ninety-nine in the hills and go in search of the stray?
13
And if he finds it, amen, I say to you, he rejoices more over it than over the ninety-nine that did not stray.
14
In just the same way, it is not the will of your heavenly Father that one of these little ones be lost.

You are a sinner that has been returned. We are all sinners - go to confession - see a priest. Get yourself into pastoral counseling. If your wife will have you back then know that is a gift from God - if not that is a cross you must bear. But regardless your Parish priest will help you the best because he will know you better than any of us online could. We are here though to discuss things and keep you in our prayers. God bless you and keep you. Until then - daily mass and confession is the best thing you can do. BTW- I am making an assumption that you are Catholic - have you had your Sacraments or is this something you need to finish.


#3

I'm a cradle Catholic and have received all of the sacraments available to a lay person. Thank you for your response.


#4

Today, I hope I have made the first step back home, but I am and will be burdened by my own guilt. For the first time in years, I just happened to want to read our Lady's monthly message from Medjugorje. I know Med is not yet approved, but the message I just stumbled upon certainly speaks to me, and others my situation:

June 2, 2010 Message

"Dear Children, Today I call you with prayer and fasting to clear the path in which my Son will enter into your hearts. Accept me as a mother and a messenger of God's love and His desire for your salvation. Free yourself of everything from the past which burdens you, that gives you a sense of guilt, that which previously led you astray in error and darkness. Accept the light. Be born anew in the righteousness of my Son. Thank you."


#5

You have my prayers.


#6

It is never too late to come back.Do you recall the parable of the prodigal son?Luke15:11-32

The main character in the parable, the forgiving father, whose character remains constant throughout the story, is a picture of God. In telling the story Jesus identifies Himself with God in His loving attitude to the lost. The younger son symbolizes the lost (the tax collectors and sinners of that day, Luke 15:1), and the elder brother represents the self-righteous (the Pharisees and teachers of the law of that day, Luke15:2)
We see in this story the graciousness of the father overshadowing the sinfulness of the son, as it is the memory of the father’s goodness that brings the prodigal son to repentance (Romans 2:4).
So be brave have courage go and speak to a priest.You will be made so welcome.You will be invited to make confession & you will feel so much better afterwards.The priest will be able to advise you on how to best go about making ammends with and for your family.

Welcome back home!!

Oh Mother of Perpetual Help, grant that I may ever invoke your powerful name, the protection of the living and the salvation of the dying. Purest Mary, let your name henceforth be ever on my lips. Delay not, Blessed Lady, to rescue me whenever I call on you. In my temptations, in my needs, I will never cease to call on you, ever repeating your sacred name, Mary, Mary. What a consolation, what sweetness, what confidence fills my soul when I utter your sacred name or even only think of you! I thank the Lord for having given you so sweet, so powerful, so lovely a name. But I will not be content with merely uttering your name. Let my love for you prompt me ever to hail you Mother of Perpetual Help. Mother of Perpetual Help, pray for me and grant me the favor I confidently ask of you.Please intercede for rls0810 that he will have the courage to return to his faith and talk to a priest.Amen
(Then say three Hail Marys).


#7

Only children ever cling to the concept of "coming back home."
Adults know full well that adulthood means one possesses the ability to conceive, create, build, and to maintain 24/7 that which constitutes functional, safe, nurturing, supportive relationship and a functional, safe, nurturing home and homelife for themselves and their children.
A man isn’t someone who runs away from and "comes home."
A man is someone who shows the world that he can build and maintain 24/7 functional relationship and a functional home.

So what exactly are you doing to create, build, and maintain real world, real time, your definition of, vision of, and concept of functional relationship and a functional “home”?
Have you learned the solid, serious skills necssary to build and maintain a “home” for even just yourself… let alone anyone else?

Kids need adults who possess and demonstrate solid skills of creating, building, and maintaining functional relationship and creating a functional “home” and homelife for themselves and others.
You apparently were lacking those skills when you left home.
You would have to clearly demonstrate to your family that you have somehow managed to learn and that you daily practice those solid skills in order to ever be taken seriously.


#8

[quote="former_Catholic, post:7, topic:202573"]
Only children ever cling to the concept of "coming back home."
Adults know full well that adulthood means one possesses the ability to conceive, create, build, and to maintain 24/7 that which constitutes functional, safe, nurturing, supportive relationship and a functional, safe, nurturing home and homelife for themselves and their children.
A man isn't someone who runs away from and "comes home."
A man is someone who shows the world that he can build and maintain 24/7 functional relationship and a functional home.

So what exactly are you doing to create, build, and maintain real world, real time, your definition of, vision of, and concept of functional relationship and a functional "home"?
Have you learned the solid, serious skills necssary to build and maintain a "home" for even just yourself..... let alone anyone else?

Kids need adults who possess and demonstrate solid skills of creating, building, and maintaining functional relationship and creating a functional "home" and homelife for themselves and others.

You apparently were lacking those skills when you left home.
You would have to clearly demonstrate to your family that you have somehow managed to learn and that you daily practice those solid skills in order to ever be taken seriously.

[/quote]

Former Catholic- I think you misunderstand - the term "Coming Home" is a term used for those who have left the Church and realized their error who wish to be in Communion with Christ again - since that is what the OP wishes arguments to the contrary really serve no purpose - although some of your life skills comments do. Let's just try to help the OP with Charity as he is opening up and admitting his wrong doing in the drug abuse, drinking, and adultery and probably feels a bit nude about now.

OP- You have many prayers - know that the only sin that Christ cannot forgive you for is the sin that you refuse to forgive yourself for. Have you gone to see that priest yet?


#9

[quote="joandarc2008, post:8, topic:202573"]
Let's just try to help the OP with Charity as he is opening up and admitting his wrong doing in the drug abuse, drinking, and adultery and probably feels a bit nude about now.

[/quote]

Functional relationship skills can be studied and learned.
The skills to build and maintain relationship and home can be studied and learned.
People's lives that have been "ruined" can be repaired and rebuilt into health and success.
There are classes and textbooks and university degrees granted on such subjects!

It isn't a matter of who's right and who's wrong and simply begging forgiviness from God and family.
One needs to offer God and family one's best efforts to make things right in this world!
One needs to offer God and family one's serious commitment in life to doing the very real work of learning how to build functional relationship and a functional household in order to do better in this world.
Life isn't about reward and punishment and endless guilt..... life is all about learning to do better in this world.


#10

I understand what you are saying - and you are saying nothing different than any of us. However, this is a site on being Catholic and Catholic advice. Yes, we help him with some things as they are black and white but for the most part most of us will probably tell him exactly what I am going to say now

OP:

For life skills and marriage counseling:

you should get a marriage counselor and go to AA/NA- your priest can help you find some good ones - depending on your job situation he can also help you go through Catholic Charities if you can't afford counseling.

As far feeling guilty the Sacrament of Reconciliation will start to help that.

Still praying for you.

When I say with charity I don't mean with hand out I mean be nice.


#11

[quote="joandarc2008, post:10, topic:202573"]
However, this is a site on being Catholic and Catholic advice.

[/quote]

The OP is a cradle Catholic who received all the sacraments, including marriage.
So what went wrong? How did a cradle Catholic who received all the sacraments, including marriage, get into this miserable place where he is now.... and how does he get beyond it?
It's good Catholic advice to say "you're a sinner, go talk to a priest" but is that all anyone can offer him?
I offer the following: that he himself has indicated exactly how he got to where he is, and the direction he must move in if he wishes to build something better:

"I left my wife and family 3 years ago."
(I had a problem building and maintaining functional relationship with my wife and family and ran away from them 3 years ago)

"I began abusing alcohol and drugs for the first time in my life"
(I had a problem building and maintaining functional relationship with myself and tried to run away from myself too)

"I decided I was atheist,"
(I had a problem building and maintaining functional relationship with God and tried to run away from God too)

"I was unfaithful."
(I had a problem building and maintaining a functional relationship with my wife. It also appears I had a problem building and maintaining a functional relationship with the other woman too.)

"I thought I wanted something different"
(I had a problem building and maintaining a functional relationship with myself....and so what I thought I wanted in life seems not to have been what I truly wanted in life.)

"I have only succeeded in ruining several lives."
(I had a problem building and maintaining functional relationships with others and my problem was so severe that it has apparently adversely affected others' ability to build functional lives and to create functional relationships with themselves and others)

"I am trying to find a way to come back home, but I don't know if that's possible now."
(I am trying to find a way to come to a place of functional relationship....
but I don't know if I know how to create, build, and maintain functional relationship with myself, with God, and with others)

It's pretty clear that the place to start is the serious study of how to create, build, and maintain a functional relationship with self, with God, and with others.


#12

#13

Yes, and all can be forgiven by Christ - but since you are a former Catholic I am assuming you no longer believe that so there is no point in arguing that with you - you are only here to harm people’s spirits.


#14

This all sounds “right”—however, relationships aren’t machines, nor are we robots. Life involves tons of free will, choices, spiritual involvement…and of course, prayer/God’s answering is HUGE. We can do all we can in the human flesh that we have, but relationships are organic, living things—we don’t control them by doing A,B,C and D–then expecting something perfect to pop out at the end.


#15

If impurity was an issue, you might want to consider checking out the link in my signature.

  • curl

#16

[quote="former_Catholic, post:11, topic:202573"]
The OP is a cradle Catholic who received all the sacraments, including marriage.
So what went wrong? How did a cradle Catholic who received all the sacraments, including marriage, get into this miserable place where he is now.... and how does he get beyond it?
It's good Catholic advice to say "you're a sinner, go talk to a priest" but is that all anyone can offer him?
I offer the following: that he himself has indicated exactly how he got to where he is, and the direction he must move in if he wishes to build something better:

"I left my wife and family 3 years ago."
(I had a problem building and maintaining functional relationship with my wife and family and ran away from them 3 years ago)

"I began abusing alcohol and drugs for the first time in my life"
(I had a problem building and maintaining functional relationship with myself and tried to run away from myself too)

"I decided I was atheist,"
(I had a problem building and maintaining functional relationship with God and tried to run away from God too)

"I was unfaithful."
(I had a problem building and maintaining a functional relationship with my wife. It also appears I had a problem building and maintaining a functional relationship with the other woman too.)

"I thought I wanted something different"
(I had a problem building and maintaining a functional relationship with myself....and so what I thought I wanted in life seems not to have been what I truly wanted in life.)

"I have only succeeded in ruining several lives."
(I had a problem building and maintaining functional relationships with others and my problem was so severe that it has apparently adversely affected others' ability to build functional lives and to create functional relationships with themselves and others)

"I am trying to find a way to come back home, but I don't know if that's possible now."
(I am trying to find a way to come to a place of functional relationship....
but I don't know if I know how to create, build, and maintain functional relationship with myself, with God, and with others)

It's pretty clear that the place to start is the serious study of how to create, build, and maintain a functional relationship with self, with God, and with others.

[/quote]

It is not for us to judge.We are ALL sinners every one of us.We will all commit sins in our life of varying natures and God is merciful to those who are truly sorry.As has been advised already to you rls0818 go to see your priest.No sin is too big to be forgiven.Your priest will be able to advise you & hear your confession.Then you will be able to start to make right the things in your family life.The Catholic Church has a programme called 'Welcome Home' for returning catholics.God bless you rls 0810


#17

I am here because this man is sitting in the rubble of his life wondering why he rejected his family and avowed faith and messed up his life and the lives of others and how he can “come home” out of the rubble. I have no doubt whatsoever that Christ will pull up a rock out of the rubble to sit on and discuss the matter with him shortly, one way or another.

The OP has plenty of company with this problem. There are more than enough lawsuits bankrupting the Church over this very same problem. There are plenty of priests and bishops who have likewise abandoned their own sacred vows and messed up their own lives with addiction and others’ lives with abuse of one sort or another. There are plenty of husbands and wives who have likewise abandoned their own sacred vows to marriage and family and likewise messed up their own lives with addiction and others’ lives with abuse of one sort or another. The OP has plenty of company in his sufferings, his family has plenty of company in theirs, and a whole lot of Catholics have in recent years become “former Catholics” over how this problem has adversely affected their families, neighbors, and former Church communities.

The Church is quick to write off this problem of abandoning vows and becoming addicted as merely “these people are bad apples!” …yet fails to explain how somebody devotes years of their lives to prayer and study then just magically ends up a “bad apple” and why such obviously “bad apples” were allowed to remain entrenched in positions of power such that it took civil court proceedings and lawsuits to dislodge them. Likewise the boards here are full of people struggling to understand how somebody devotes years of their lives to sacred vows of marriage and family and ends up addicted to pornography or running off with some girl or guy they just met.

I don’t buy the “bad apple” theory.
I don’t buy the “this guy is just a sinner and we’re all sinners, it’s just that some sinners are worse than other sinners and we just happened to accidently put and keep them in positions of power” theory.
I don’t buy the “these people just all somehow mysteriously went temporarily insane” theory.
I don’t buy the “satan/demons made them do it” theory.
I also don’t buy the “let’s profess charity” while condemning a “former Catholic” as “only here to harm people’s spirits” theory.

What I do see, over and over again, is a problem of people raised with clear concepts of people having power and control over one another and respect for one another generated only from fear…
while lacking basic kindgergarten skills in relationship, partnership, and communication between people and a respect for others generated from compassion for others.

Basic kindergarten skills in communication, in sharing, in taking turns, in cleaning up after oneself, in taking responsibility for one’s actions and their consequences, in equality, in relationship, in partnership, in empathy, in respect generated from compassion for others… are lacking in every case.
These are essential kindergarten lessons in life that need to be learned.
Not having learned them eventually causes one’s life to be reduced… to rubble…
when the internal and external struggle for power and control becomes either domination-of-other or domination-by-other rather than partnership, and an overcontrolled, overcontrolling, and out-of-control self.

Learning the essential kindergarten lessons of communication, sharing, taking turns, cleaning up after oneself, taking responsibility for one’s actions and their consequences, equality, relationship, partnership, empathy, and respect based on compassion rather than fear is how one begins to rebuild one’s life.

God forgives…
as a loving parent watches over toddlers falling all over themselves, all making mistakes, all learning… but the point is learning


#18

Yes and we are here to help from a Catholic standpoint - and I would say that your information is far from true. So please leave this man to people that will help both his situation and his soul.

OP- I am sorry for the distraction - please feel free to PM any of us that have responded to you in a positive manner by clicking on our names, going to our profiles and selecting, send a private message.


#19

You are correct that I am sitting in the "rubble." But on my best or worst day I would never pass judgment over you or anyone else. I wouldn't dare try.
I wonder if you are angry at the Catholic Church, or just angry. But take this from an admitted sinner: sometimes you just need to sit quietly and listen to the whisper of God amidst all the noise.
One thing about bottoming out, it gives you a new and unique perspective.


#20

By the way, I have figured out that I am "OP," but what does it mean? Obduro Peccatoribus?


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