I need your prayers


#1

My God, where do I begin? I am in a very sad point in my life, in fact the word sad is past due years ago. I am hurting so bad that it is impossible for me to bear anymore. I know I must. I need some serious straight from the heart prayers for me and may God bless you double the prayers He recieves from you for me. My life is just so pointless right now, I dont even know why I am here, please some words of incourgement


#2

By “here” do you mean on the earth, or on this forum?

I was seriously afflicted with mental problems including feelings of not only worthlessness, but at some times wickedness, too.

Ultimately it’s like this: This too shall pass. With prayer and some help from your friends here, I am confident we can make some progress at helping your funk.

Did you used to feel that your life had meaning? If so, can you think of what changed or how it changed?

Do you have any responsibilities in particular you aren’t being able to meet?

Are there things you feel guilty about? Are there people who are making you feel guilty about something, or trying to shame you for something in the past?

Just a few questions to get the ball rolling. I don’t need answers to them, but the more you share your pain with me, the more I can share my joy with you – and it will help us both mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I’ll tell you why I’m here, and why I came on this thread. I was ailing, and now I’m well. I was miserable, and now I’m happy. I was anxious and fearful, but now I am confident, peaceful, and joyful. All I want to do is try to help others experience some hint of the love that I’ve been shown since the Lord. I had severe bipolar disorder. Even the most optimistic doctors did not have hope for actual recovery, but the Lord has picked up where their imagination left off.

If you don’t mind, I would love to offer you to share in some of the love I’ve had in my life. Not the same way I experienced it, of course, but love can be communicated in infinitely many ways. One of the quickest ways to get started is to ask a few more questions, and maybe speculate on the questions you ask or the ones I asked above.

What is important for this to work, I think, is that we connect with empathy. That is, help me see what you see, hear what you hear, and feel what you feel.

About this word “pointless.” I like to go a bit against the popular thinking of “life with a purpose.” The problem is, people are so busy chasing their purposes and their dreams, they don’t know how to stop and rest, much less let God have at them. You may find out that you are particularly good at doing spiritual acts of mercy, for example, as in over the Internet. Even while you’re hurting, find other people that are hurting and ask them to tell you their story. Take your focus off of your story that way, and make loving communication.

Actually, I’d rather learn to live in the moment. If I live to fulfill some purpose, then at any given moment my life is not complete. If my happiness depends on whether I achieve some goal, then that happiness is temporary and will change as soon as the circumstances around me change.

On the other hand, the peace and joy we get as fruit of the spirit is different, and I have tasted that and wish to help you taste it, too. This peace is not like the world can give. The world can give you wealth, power, comfort, or esteem. These are temporary. I’m talking about peace that doesn’t even flinch when someone we are trying to help snaps back at us. It isn’t about what we get for doing the things we do, it’s about just being.

The past, even five seconds ago, is cast in stone and can never be changed. The future cannot be predicted, our best plans are always subject to change. So you can’t control the future, so learn to roll with the punches when it doesn’t go as planned. You can’t change the past, so as much as you tell the past it is good or bad, is to yell at a stone wall. I’m not saying that is a bad thing – it might be nice to yell at a wall and not get yelled back. So judge the past as you like, and it will be as you say, for you – and nobody can change that.

Help is here. Do not fear. You have many friends here. :love:

Alan


#3

I’m going to tell you what an older adult told me. God may get a grip on you but he won’t choke. And I can’t begin to tell you how many times u felt like my life was pointless or what was so good out there for me to wait and see, and I can honestly tell you that once the rain went away the sunshine truly came out. God is always with you. Beside you. When your crying or by yourself, sad as can be, don’t forget he’s right next to you while your letting it out. Sometimes we need that and it’s ok. He’ll always be by your side and he’ll help you, you have to help yourself a little. If your there and not doing anything but waiting, time will just keep passing by. Pray to the lord and ask for help!!! He’ll be there!!!


#4

The best way to explain how I feel is that I love life but not this way, I smile everyday so family doesnt know how I am hurting. I pray and pray and have hope that things can get better but 16 years have past and nothing has changed. I despise myself for felling sorry about myself, I have ignored it for so long. It was the only way I could pull myself through and every time I fight it I become so broken and making it impossible to move on. All I want is peace, and one that I love to care how I feel so I dont have to be selfish in reminding of how I feel. I would so desperately want a way out without hurting anyones feelings and a way in closer to God. But I know I am undeserving of Gods love. Growing up I have always had this special relationship with Jesus even as a child, so close was I to Him that I would dream of him and the Virgin Mary often. It makes me smile just thinking back. I would have to leave to be who I used to be before things got ugly in my life. Sometimes I sit there and wonder why this is happening to me and for so long, then atother times I wonder how I can be so selfish when there are others worse off than myself. I just dont know anymore, I do know that if others prayed for me I might have some chance of peace and determination to move on.


#5

sfrd,
Please know that you are not alone. I would venture to say that everyone that comes to this site has felt as you do now at some point. And the reason I say that is that we all go through trials in life. Some last for days or months, some for years. For some, it is physical, for others mental and for the truly unfortunate, it can be both. But the one thing that unites us all is Our Loving God. There is a saying that God never gives us more than we can handle. (and yes, as Mother Teresa said-sometimes we wish he didn’t trust us so much…:)) Sometimes, it seems unbearable. And that may be because we try to fight it too much. I am not saying that we should roll over and take it, but rather, learn from life’s trouble. Perhaps God is leading us somewhere else than where we are or where we think we should be.

I think that AlanFromWichita gave an excellent response to you about empathy. I have often marveled at how connected we can feel on this site with people that we never have, and most likely never will, meet. I turn to some of them for a daily boost. And I have learned that there is great value in praying for others. I urge you to go over to the prayer intention forum and find a couple of people that can use your prayers. Become involved with them through prayer and I know it will help you in your own life. Come here whenever you need a prayer, or a friend. CAF is always open! :thumbsup:

May God bless you and guide you.


#6

[quote="sfrd, post:1, topic:234315"]
My God, where do I begin? I am in a very sad point in my life, in fact the word sad is past due years ago. I am hurting so bad that it is impossible for me to bear anymore. I know I must. I need some serious straight from the heart prayers for me and may God bless you double the prayers He recieves from you for me. My life is just so pointless right now, I dont even know why I am here, please some words of incourgement

[/quote]

Number one, your life is NEVER pointless and if you believe that you are the precious child of God, you must believe there is a reason for your life, if only to glorify Him. How could your life be pointless when Christ died for YOUR sins???!!!

Number two, you sound depressed. Have you talked to your doctor about this? Sometimes we need outside help in order to function more fully. There are medications that may help you lose this hopeless outlook. There is a value in suffering, but you may have done your time in that realm, and now you might consider relief.

Number three, I will certainly add you to my prayers.


#7

Oh my God.

OH MY GOD!

Finally, after years of searching, agonizing, listening to genius and foolish both, going through severe mental illness coupled with spiritual warfare where at times I honestly didn't believe whether I was God, Jesus, antichrist, judas, peter, abraham, or some mixture of the three. I got very scared by something a priest said to me on June 8, 2001 and ran screaming out of the cathedral, to the apartment of a retired priest, the only priest who seemed to know my heart.

I told him that I had just been chased out of the cathedral with great anger and passion from a priest, because of what I offered to God (I played a hymn on the piano -- I am a church pianist but the priest running the cathedral didn't know me). I was told I must get out and not return. In fact, I felt it was so over, that I wanted to make sure I didn't disobey that priest ever again and not be tempted to return to the cathedral -- so I did something I thought would ensure that it was formal; as I ran out toward my car, I spat upon the cornerstone of the cathedral.

I got on my knees before Father Busch in his living room, begged if he could forgive me and let me back into church, and put my head down and crouched there in "air-raid drill" posture for a long time. Father Busch said, "Alan, I cannot forgive you for you have not sinned."

A few hours later I was locked up against my will, in a mental ward, without their even answering my demands to know why they thought I was a danger to myself and others, and under whose authority is this being done. You see, unlike accused criminals, mental patients don't have the right to know these things.

Today I am here to tell you that all these things, and I mean ALL these things were necessary for me to come to this point. It's all I can do to sit still and type, because my joy is flowing so much that it is hard to focus on the mundane job of trying to put my experiences -- as they relate to anything useful -- into words. I want to love. I want to live. I want everything God has in store for me, and what a shame if something I said, did, or thought got in the way of that!

To the OP. All I can say at this point is, believe that what you are going through even now, has great value toward bringing you everlasting and unconditional peace. It makes so much sense to me now, that I'm getting a really bad headache just to slow down my thoughts enough to put this into words. Do not be discouraged, if you don't want to and can avoid it. It is entirely optional. We could not thwart the will of God even if we tried, and I can see now that love really can conquer all things, and that with honest desire, God will show you the way to peace, joy, and contentment, as much as you can possibly stand.

So do you doubt your belief? That's OK. Just let God know you are open to His touch.

So do you question your faith? That's OK. Just tell God you love Him. If you feel like a hypcrite, that's OK too. Still tell God you love Him, and ask him to perfect your love so that you may ever do what is pleasing to Him, and never go against His will.

Here's the trick to praying that with weak faith: you can NEVER go against God's will; He simply won't allow it. He gives us free will, and He means it. If He honestly doesn't want you to go through a certain kind of hardship, He will protect you from it regardless of how much you may fear it. Try it now. Try to think of what you can do to ruin God's plan and nullify what Jesus did so that He may as well not have done it. Guess what? You can't. If you could sidetrack God's plan, then you are greater than God and to think that you have ruined God's day means your mischief and disbelief are more powerful than God's love, and that simply does not compute.

My headache is getting so bad it's hard to type. I'm going to go take medicine, and wake up my wife so we can get ready for work. I'll come back as soon as I can, but if I die or am otherwise prevented from returning here, I trust that the world is good hands with the Holy Spirit -- even in my absence. :D

Wow. I have just been given revolutionary, not evolutionary, gushed of love, peace, contentment, meaning, and all I'd ever want. I want for nothing. I could truly die now in peace. That said, I pray that I may live a long life to enjoy with all my friends, in person and on the Internet.

Alan


#8

Alan, you are awesome. I have read a lot of your posts, and you really have insight into this sort of thing.

OP: It will be ok, my dear! Prayers, you are still young (although I know how you feel, at 16 I really felt I have lived 1000 years). Some of us are old souls and feel acute, painful suffering at young ages. You will be ok one day, just keep holding out hope that God will heal your pain. If you are undergoing some sort of a trauma, or even just suffering from general depression, please get help. I tried to kill myself when I was 15, and almost succeeded. I couldn’t really articulate the pain I was feeling to anyone, or what was going through my mind. Medical personnel, therapists, and my parents just told me how selfish I was to try to end my life. A kind priest whom I will always have a special place in my heart for came and saw me at the hospital, and basically told me that God loved me no matter what i did, and that it was going to be ok one day.

I think that priest may have saved my life. I still remember his kind words and actions to this day. I went through many more years of suffering and agony, but that priest always showed me kindness and compassion no matter what happened.

God loves you, so so so much. And so does Jesus and the Virgin Mary. I pray that the Virgin Mother brings you some comfort in your time of troubles. If you want to talk about things more, please PM me. I have been there and done a lot, and I have come out on the other side. God is the only reason I am alive and well and a functioning, pretty normal person.

Much Love and God Bless, you are never alone!
Megan


#9
 First off, God will ***never*** put you in a situation that you can't overcome or get through....and I'm saying this from past experiences. Life can get VERY depressing and pointless BUT it will get better....Remember, the Crucifixion came before the Resurrection.

#10

O my, I really dont mean to get you all upset at the things i'm saying. I just needed to say them somewhere it can be heard.I am alot older than 16 now, I dont believe in suicide, if I did it would of been done already instead of me here chatting away.I love living, there are days where I just find so hard to handle because I just dont know what to do anymore. I know I am Gods child, He has sent me here for reasons I don't know. Maybe that is what I mean when I say "pointless",and after 16 years of being in this siituation trying my hardest to fix things up I feel broken and lost. When I pray, though I find myself again I still am broken, weak of trying and trying for so long. If there is anyone who can stay away from depression it is me but right now I am at a very low point that is all. just needed some outbursting to do, I have held in my feelings for to long.My joy in my life is when I do think and pray to God, when I speak to Jesus and everytime I think I am feeling sorry for myself I always Think of the sufferings Jesus went through on that day sooo long ago, and of so many others who suffers worse than me at present time or in the past. Thats probally why I feel guilty speaking of what I am going through. Right now its at a point where something is going to happen in my life and I am scared when it does and i dont mean suicide.


#11

Well, since we have no idea what situation you've been struggling with for 16 years, about all we can do is pray!


#12

[quote="sfrd, post:10, topic:234315"]
O my, I really dont mean to get you all upset at the things i'm saying. I just needed to say them somewhere it can be heard.I am alot older than 16 now, I dont believe in suicide, if I did it would of been done already instead of me here chatting away.I love living, there are days where I just find so hard to handle because I just dont know what to do anymore. I know I am Gods child, He has sent me here for reasons I don't know. Maybe that is what I mean when I say "pointless",and after 16 years of being in this siituation trying my hardest to fix things up I feel broken and lost. When I pray, though I find myself again I still am broken, weak of trying and trying for so long. If there is anyone who can stay away from depression it is me but right now I am at a very low point that is all. just needed some outbursting to do, I have held in my feelings for to long.My joy in my life is when I do think and pray to God, when I speak to Jesus and everytime I think I am feeling sorry for myself I always Think of the sufferings Jesus went through on that day sooo long ago, and of so many others who suffers worse than me at present time or in the past. Thats probally why I feel guilty speaking of what I am going through. Right now its at a point where something is going to happen in my life and I am scared when it does and i dont mean suicide.

[/quote]

You didn't disturb me at all. I've talked to many kids on the crisis hotline who wanted to die. I've wanted to die. Probably nobody on this thread hasn't at least thought about it once in a while.

The way I see it, if you disturbed anybody, it was with their permission. I figure smoe people just like to be disturbed -- who am I to deny them a chance to be? ;)

If they truly had the peace of Christ, nothing you say can take that away. If they didn't have the peace of Christ, then they needed to recognize that their getting upset automatically sounds a caution signal for them to review their prayer life and their spiritual journey. Basically, your story is giving them a needed experience to help purify them... So, it's all good. Don't regret anything you've typed; it's in the past so let the Holy Spirit take it from there.

Hey who's up for a party? Let's see if we might be able to get in on the one going on at the Prodigal Son's house. (I heard they had at least one no show. :D )

http://bestsmileys.com/party/5.gif

Alan


#13

Trust me. This wasn’t of my doing. I’ve been socially awkward all my life and been ridiculed a lot for it. Suddenly everything that’s happened in the past is OK, and I’ve come to terms with it. And, everyone against whom I had a grudge – and I mean EVERYONE – suddenly I am thankful for their role in my life.

I am so grateful that others are starting to feel some of the love I’ve been trying to convey. The Lord is bombarding me with love from all sides from all sorts of people – some seemingly unlikely. All I’m doing is talking about myself and my ideas – one of my favorite topics.:o

Lord, please take away my pride, but if you don’t mind, I’d like to be able to borrow a little from time to time. :rolleyes:

I think that priest may have saved my life. I still remember his kind words and actions to this day. I went through many more years of suffering and agony, but that priest always showed me kindness and compassion no matter what happened.

As of about four hours ago, I finally recognized the love that a priest was showing me, whereas yesterday if you asked, I would have spit on his grave. I sincerely apologize for that, and hope that others who have thought badly about priests can take some hope that I used to feel not only anger, but rage – but now the Lord has given me a new outlook on everything, and I now that the “evil” priest was really part of His plan for me, after all.

you are never alone!
Megan

Megan, with you, me, God, and all the other posters here, I’m confident we can get much good out of this thread. :heaven:

Thank you OP for starting it. :thumbsup:

Alan


#14

How can I find happiness in this life when the main leader of this family is finding new ways to hurt me and just when I forgive him because he promises me what I figured now are empty promises, he does it again? Year after year it just doesnt get better.I am tired of fighting, fighting to be strong, strong enough to survive any more.


#15

sfrd,

I can tell that you are very hurt and in continued pain. But beyond praying for you, and advising you to do the same, that is all anyone here can help you with, as your story is rather puzzling to us. I am not asking for every detail of your life, but just a bit more so that we can understand better what your situation is. Are you married or is this a parent you are speaking of? Is there abuse or alcohol or drugs involved? Physical or mental abuse? You see, it is difficult to help you if we don’t know what the problem is.

You will find much support and perhaps solutions you have not considered from people at CAF. Or just prayers and a kind word if that is what you are after.
May God bless you and guide you.


#16

[quote="sfrd, post:14, topic:234315"]
How can I find happiness in this life when the main leader of this family is finding new ways to hurt me and just when I forgive him because he promises me what I figured now are empty promises, he does it again? Year after year it just doesnt get better.I am tired of fighting, fighting to be strong, strong enough to survive any more.

[/quote]

Is there a particular time, as in so many months or years, that you might be able to be freed of the influences of a hurtful spirit? :banghead:

I pray it may be soon, and I am confident God will bring to bear anything in His creation to do what is best for you.:gopray:

When you find freeness, even in your mind, I think you will be able to process this a lot better. Even if you can imagine being free, then it could help you stay sane until the time you actually are. Kind of like Pinocchio or something. :p

Peace,
Alan


#17

Thank you all very much


#18

sfd hon,
You don't need to be suicidal to be depressed. There are many, many different levels of clinical depression. It is hard to make out exactly what you are going through, because some of your posts are rather cryptic. Who is this leader you are speaking of? What is he/she doing to damage your innermost self like this?

Jesus wants us to have inner peace, despite outer turmoil. You don't have this inner peace. I encourage you very, very strongly to see a counselor, okay? Anybody- a school counselor, a therapist, a psychologist, a priest- somebody who can hear more of your story and guide you to the right place. We all care about you here on this forum, and I don't think I am just speaking for myself when I say we will pray hard for you. You don't have to put up with these sad feelings. It's not okay to have such low self- esteem. Discouragement is from the devil. It is not from God, and He does not wish you to stay discouraged. Be courageous and do the best thing for yourself- seek help. God bless.


#19

Yes, I am going to try to get out of this,thank you for responding, I thought all gave up on me. I dont want to get into details but I am sure I’m not suffering as much as others may be. All I know is that my suffering has caused my self esteem to go to its lowest point, it has caused me to realize that nomatter what this person says to me that this person does not really love me. I have also learned that words are just words to me and I can not and will not allow myself to believe just words again, especially when the actions done towards me are the opposite, the complete opposite. I know I have to find a way to become strong and happy again, the way I used to be, but the only way I can do it or think I can is have good words of advise and care and incouragement from others to me and of course to find my way in trusting that my life is in Gods hands. I have a hard time with this because it’s hard to believe that God would allow this or anything bad if it were in His hands.


#20

If you wish to end this discussion, then I bid you well wishes. Honestly, some of the things you said in this post just now, I wish – I wish – I wish that I could do a bit of a “mind meld” with you because I’ve been where you are and I was delivered from it. Suffice it to say that the same healing is available to you, but you can’t do it my way. Your way is your way, and I trust that the Lord is in control of everything, through His spirit, and that whether you continue the discussion or not, you are in Good Hands with the Lord.

Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts so that we have these loving exchanges between human hearts on your issues. :thumbsup:

Alan


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