I love my husband. I do. But he, I have to admit, is a drunk. He spends all his time at the local bar. I know why he does it, but I have tried everything from being understanding to yelling.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just found out he has spent $6000 dollars in just the past few weeks. I confronted him about it, asked him where it went to, and he can't or won't say. The bank records show that he is taking a lot of money from the ATM and doing many, many numerous small transactions at different stores around town. I am the main bread winner. I don't go shopping but for groceries. So that six thousand bucks is almost all him.
We argue all the time about his drinking. I don't begrudge a man going out for a beer or two after work, but he is now (didn't used to) spending at least 6 hours a night at the bar, every night.
We never talk anymore. Just argue. He comes home sloppy drunk and almost immediately passes out on the couch. Before he does that, he has the nerve to blame me for our problem -- if I would only come out to the bar with him we wouldn't, he says, have any issue.
I am so sad and lonely. But I don't want to 'compromise' by going to the bar. I've been there once on a Friday after work to try to meet him half way, but I hate it. And meeting half way just seems like I am okaying his behavior.
I want my husband back. I have tried everything. Last weekend I even said the D-word. He got very angry at that, again blaming me.
A good (non bar) friend of his has even talked to him and told him he has his head up his you know what. That worked for a total of 3 days. After his friend talked to him, he told me that he would stop drinking and spending, then went right back out again and did the usual.
I think need to cut him off, money wise. I plan to go to the bank tomorrow and start a new account and let our current account just be his. I hope that once he is cut off he will stop spending so much money at the bar, or, at least, I won't be dragged down with him -- at least not in terms of budget; I know that because he is my dh I have to deal with his money issues. Even so, just the separation of the money feels like I am giving up on our marriage.
I want to go to our Priest, but, to be honest, I really don't want to hear about how I am being a bad wife -- because that is what he would say. Along with how my dh's drinking is my fault somehow.
And, my feelings are very, very hurt. He obviously doesn't love me enough to want to spend any time with me -- just at the bar with his bar buddies. The irony? When I meet any one of his bar friends, all they do is tell me how much my dh loves me and how he talks about me all the time about how wonderful I am. Well then why the heck doesn't he want to spend time with me??? If it weren't for these bar friends saying what they do, I really think that he may have a woman on the side, as well.
I love my husband. And I don't believe in divorce. But I sure as heck can understand why people do it. He is spiraling down and taking me with him.
I guess I just needed to vent. And find out if there was anyone else out there who has gone through the same thing and see how you might have saved your marriage. I am at the end of my patience.