Hi all…I feel so sad as I write this but have an appointment with a divorce lawyer tomorrow. My husband is financially irresponsible and driving us to bankruptcy. He has lost 3 good jobs since our 5 yr marriage due to his outbursts and temper, has been diagnosed with depression, becomes defensive if I try and talk about finances with him and I am at my wit’s end.
When creditor’s first started calling, he ignored their calls. I tried to set up payment plans but he lost his job and income; all of the bills, house payment, utilities, food all of the expenses fell to me. I pleaded, begged, screamed, yelled at him to look for work and he would promise to do so; he spent maybe an hour or so looking and yes I know it’s hard. But he would lay in bed drinking coffee and watching TV while I left for work in the mornings! I sent resumes, looked for jobs for him - basically had to force him to be responsible. I grew resentful of his failure to understand what was going on. Every cent I make goes toward running the household. We have not been intimate in 2 years. I just don’t see him the same way. I don’t want to kick him out because I know he has no where to go. But I would like to feel better again. We are in our 40’s and I am depressed and can barely focus on my job.
The bulk of the credit cards are in his name that he had before marriage and now they are threatening to sue. He still acts oblivious to what is going on. He found a part time job but it doesn’t cover much. I don’t want to file bankruptcy, but he doesn’t have a choice and I will be affected as a result I feel I have no choice but to leave him to his own devices. We tried Retrouvaille and marriage counseling and he does not take it seriously. We were married in the church and it just hurts me to do this. I try talking to him and he cuts me off, claims he’s going to do better, but does not listen, blows up at me, so I just avoid talking to him - it’s easier. Besides, I am even tired of hearing myself nag! I am just angry but feel he is dragging me down.
I feel guilty, sad at the same time and just don’t know where to turn. I don’t know what has happened to him. He was not like this when we married. I feel he’s gotten worse or he hid his true personality. I don’t see any other way out but divorce yet I feel like crying.
Any advice would be appreciated.