I am starting to believe I have been called by god. I have to tell you about a strange dream I had when I was an 11 year old child, it still haunts me this day.
The year is 1993. I am fast asleep in my dream:
*I hear a loud boom inside my garage. I go to see what has happened. When I open up the door I see a strange car with all kinds of grafiti on it.
The car lights are blinding my vision, but I think I see what looks like alien life form in the vehicle. An inisiduous vasuline smell fills my nostils.
Out of the vehicle step two identical twin aliens. They tell me they are my guardian angels and have been sent here by god to warn me if I don’t stop watching porn I was going to burn in hell.
They then kidnapped me and took me to their mothership where they abducted me while watching one of my father’s porn movies.
My guardian angels told me afterwords they had surgically inserted a tracking device in my privates to track how many times I yanked myself. A full report would be given to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named; aka GOD!
Then I met god. He was a short, dark-skinned man with a bald head, it was Ghandi! Only this time Ghandi had curly blond hair. I kissed his feet and begged his forgiveness. Then I woke up. I was all sweaty and scared, I didn’t play with myself for a whole week. Then I fiqured I was destined for hell.*
As unreal as this might sound this actually was a dream I had when I was 11, what should I do? Do you think a priest could help me or does this kind of help require the assitance of a cardinal?