I recommended NFP but


#1

My brother is thinking about getting himself "fixed". I recommended that he look into NFP and shared that we are using it. I got him the phone number and address for a NFP facility close so him and his wife. After a few days I asked if he got the information after not hearing from him for a while. Then later I found out thorough another person that he said I was butting in I felt so sad and hurt. Should I talk to him anymore about it?


#2

No, you should not bring it up again. You gave him the information. He is a grown man who can choose for himself what to do; you cannot force him, cajole him, convince him, etc., to do what he chooses not to do. His decision, and its consequences, are his to bear. Like I said, you gave him good information, but you cannot make him use it. Pray that he makes the right choice, and do not bring it up with him again. If he should ask you about it, of course discuss it. Until then, know that you've done what you could.


#3

[quote="onestepatatime, post:1, topic:251246"]
My brother is thinking about getting himself "fixed". I recommended that he look into NFP and shared that we are using it. I got him the phone number and address for a NFP facility close so him and his wife. After a few days I asked if he got the information after not hearing from him for a while. Then later I found out thorough another person that he said I was butting in I felt so sad and hurt. Should I talk to him anymore about it?

[/quote]

Yes. Your brother's soul could be on the line.

If you can, maybe you can have someone else speak to him too, like your or his pastor.

I'll keep you in my prayers.


#4

Well, you have one “no” and one “yes”.

I think the answer is that it depends. You know him better than we do. All we can do is relate it to our own experiences and acquaintances. If he’s mentioned to someone else that you’re being pushy, then it seems he doesn’t want to be confrontational with you, atleast not yet. On the other hand, if you know him to be someone who can listen to reason if it is presented in a less intrusive way, then perhaps you need to be more creative in your approach.

If it were my brother, I would tell him in no uncertain terms that sterilization is a grave sin, whether or not he believes in the existence of “grave” vs. “non-grave” sin…whether or not he believes in “sin”, for that matter. But that’s me. NFP is a good alternative to suggest, of course. But sounds to me like he first needs to know, and quickly, that getting himself “fixed” is a spiritually bad idea, to say the least.

Is he Catholic?


#5

The fact that you found out how he feels about your advice from a friend instead of from him directly speaks volumes. Clearly, he does not want to discuss this with you. He may think you’ve committed a major invasion of his privacy, and perhaps his silence is his way of taking a “time-out” until he can calm down enough to avoid saying something that will ruin your relationship.

I know that’s hurtful and I understand - it’s very sad when you can’t discuss important issues with your siblings. You’ve done the right thing by giving him the information, but ultimately, he is the one who must decide what to do with it. If he chooses poorly, at least you know that you presented the option of a better choice. Pray for him and his wife, but don’t discuss it with him again unless he brings it up.


#6

I agree. This is not moral issue/NFP. This is a communication issue. You did your obligation. When they talk to you do not give anymore unsolicited advice.


#7

[quote="onestepatatime, post:1, topic:251246"]
My brother is thinking about getting himself "fixed". I recommended that he look into NFP and shared that we are using it. I got him the phone number and address for a NFP facility close so him and his wife. After a few days I asked if he got the information after not hearing from him for a while. Then later I found out thorough another person that he said I was butting in I felt so sad and hurt. Should I talk to him anymore about it?

[/quote]

If it was me, I wouldn't talk to him any more about NFP. BUT I would talk to him about why he couldn't tell you how he felt you were butting in but could tell someone else that. I would be very hurt that he discussed that part of the situation with someone else and you had to hear it second hand.


#8

[quote="onestepatatime, post:1, topic:251246"]
My brother is thinking about getting himself "fixed". I recommended that he look into NFP and shared that we are using it. I got him the phone number and address for a NFP facility close so him and his wife. After a few days I asked if he got the information after not hearing from him for a while. Then later I found out thorough another person that he said I was butting in I felt so sad and hurt.

[/quote]

You pricked his conscience. That's painful for anyone.

The mental hurdles between sterilization and nfp are numerous and cannot be overcome overnight.

Should I talk to him anymore about it?

If he seems determined, maybe you could suggest a reversible vas, (maybe he'll come to his senses later.


#9

[quote="mark_a, post:8, topic:251246"]
You pricked his conscience. That's painful for anyone.

[/quote]

Or it could be that the pain is coming from the realization that his sibling seems to lack a normal sense of boundaries. Time to MYOB.


#10

When we see our brother doing wrong, Jesus doesn't seem to support the MYOB approach...

[BIBLEDRB]Matthew 18:15-17[/BIBLEDRB]

There is no such thing a personal sin. We are all members of the Body of Christ and we are all wounded by sin. If you have an opportunity to bring light to even the smallest sinner, you should do so.


#11

First of all, if you are a man and you suggested NFP. That is one thing.

However, I am going with the assumption that you are a woman.

I find it VERY odd you found out your brother is getting ‘fixed’. It makes me wonder what kind of conversations you 2 have. I am curious if he told you and you suggested NFP or if you heard through the grapevine and contacted him to tell him about NFP.

Now, as a Catholic, you have a responsibility to inform him what is a sin. Then your job is done and you allow him the free will God gave him. From your post, it sounds like you just told him about NFP and never discussed the sin aspect.

If ever the topic comes up again I would say ‘I am sorry I did not explain where I was coming from. Vasetomies are mortal sins and I felt I should let you know there are alternatives’. Then say no more. He was the right to make his own decisions

But to then call him a few days later and ask if he got the information (that you sent and looked up with out his asking) can easily be perceived as controlling and bossy. If he wanted the information he would have sent a ‘thank you’ or a ‘by the way, I never got it’

It doesn’t matter what the moral issue is. When you pry into someone else’s personal business, they will avoid you

CM


#12

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