I Sinned Very Badly and feel Awful (Need Advice, Please Help)


#1

Okay so I am 24, a Catholic from a practicing Catholic family, who are not old fashioned or overly strict but do maintain that we all live good moral lives. Generally I do help people in my life, I have a job which involves me working a lot of weekends and I do try to go to Church as often as I can, I always try to do my best to be a good person. I have always been very scared of sex and always told myself I will remain a virgin until marriage. Unfortunately in a terrible loss of morals, moment of madness and just general regret I ended up seeing an escort and lost my virginity to her. Despite being scared of it I have had a sort of unhealthy obsession with sex as I have DVDs and pictures and so on and I already was guilty enough about that but I just feel like I have snapped in this moment of madness when I did this and lost my virginity. Part of me thought by watching the DVDs and stuff, it would be enough to stop me from doing anything like this and going as far enough as to do something this bad.

As I walked away from there I was so regretful and knew I would never be able to tell anyone no matter how bad things get. I actually almost began to cry as I walked down the road, out of guilt and just pure shame in myself.

I have been worrying about STIs all day and since it happened yesterday, I am hoping in August to go to a walk in clinic and get tested on a day when I know my family will be busy. I have basically just sat in my room when I have been home searching through STIs and people writing about how they have done this and regret it and seeing if I can get advice about what to do to stop feeling like this. The problem is most of these people just feel shame and guilt about doing it and losing their virginity but they aren’t Catholic. Basically the whole time I have been home (which has been at least 15 hours has been spent doing this) and I just can’t sleep, at work I just keep thinking about it and can’t stop. Today at work I was very tired due to my lack of sleep and one of my parents today even asked me if I was okay as I didn’t seem my usual jokey self, so even though I have tried to make it unnoticeable I mustn’t be doing a good job. I just don’t know what to do.

I wish I could get my virginity back and just forget about this and I hope that I do not have any STIs or any lasting bad thoughts about this.

I really want to apologise to my parents who have brought me up against all of this (rightfully) and taught me never to do these sort of immoral things. But I feel such a failure and feel like it will greatly upset them if I tell them this. I can never tell any other family members or friends due to the shame. I have thought about telling my brother but again I just feel shame and I think telling him would make him just lose respect for me and he wouldn’t have anything productive to say. I also keep thinking if I ever do have a wife and children my life will be a lie as I could never admit to something like that to her. I realise I could go to confession but just couldn’t bring myself to say it, saying it out loud to someone will just make it feel so much more real to me, plus I am quite a nervous, twitchy, shy person and I feel like saying this to the priest may even make me feel close to crying.

At worst I have actually for a few split seconds this evening wondered if I should end it all as I feel such shame. Don’t worry though I don’t think I could ever do that and I realise it is a selfish thing to do and I couldn’t put those I love through the pain of that.

I just don’t know what to do to feel better about this, in health, mind, spirit and just in the general way I feel I have let everyone down, both my family and God.

Just in case anyone is wondering this is a very serious thread and is the truth, everything I have wrote here did happen and is how I have been feeling. Just please can anyone give me advice?

Thank you so much for your time.


#2

You will be healed. This is the grace of repentance. Go to confession and be at peace. Don’t let despair win! Give your heart to Jesus


#3

Thank you for your reply John. Would you advise me telling my parents too, keeping in mind I do not want to hurt them, or should I just go to confession and ask the Priest and Jesus for their help and forgiveness?


#4

[quote="TheShadow, post:3, topic:330477"]
Thank you for your reply John. Would you advise me telling my parents too, keeping in mind I do not want to hurt them, or should I just go to confession and ask the Priest and Jesus for their help and forgiveness?

[/quote]

I would not tell your parents. Just tell the priest and be at peace and rest in The Divine Mercy.


#5

Go to confession first and talk it over with the priest, discuss with him whether or not you ought to tell your parents. I would say that that would probably depend on your age. It is a sin against God, not against your parents.


#6

[quote="TheShadow, post:3, topic:330477"]
Thank you for your reply John. Would you advise me telling my parents too, keeping in mind I do not want to hurt them, or should I just go to confession and ask the Priest and Jesus for their help and forgiveness?

[/quote]

My thought is go to confession, hear the words of absolution, forgive yourself then and move on.

Ask the priest for any advice further regarding your parents.

You're not the first to make a grave mistake and won't be the last. That's why we have the Sacrament. Utilize it.

Peace,
Mary.


#7

As someone who has made all sorts of hideous and monumental foul-ups in life, you have my deepest sympathy. God loves you dearly and will not turn His back on you for this sin. The great grief and repentance that you so evidently feel is a sign of His grace at work in you even now, so do not give into the temptation to despair.

To echo everyone else, confession is the place you should be heading before you do anything else. Personally, I would not suggest telling your parents, at least not whilst everything is so raw and unsettled in your own mind. However, ask the priest about this matter and he will advise you.

May God bless you! I am praying for you! :console:


#8

And don't feel anxious about confessing this to the priest. He'll have heard things like that countless times before, and will have heard much worse.


#9

I agree with others about going to Confession and asking the priest about your parents. Also get rid of all the bad DVDs and pictures as soon as you can. (tell the priest about them too).

Read these quotes from Jesus about His Mercy... :)
piercedhearts.org/treasures/devotions/divine_mercy/divine_mercy_words_of_jesus.htm

God bless!


#10

[quote="TheShadow, post:3, topic:330477"]
Thank you for your reply John. Would you advise me telling my parents too, keeping in mind I do not want to hurt them, or should I just go to confession and ask the Priest and Jesus for their help and forgiveness?

[/quote]

I would not tell your parents or any else until you get serious enough to marry and then bring it up (at the right moment, don't just blurt it out) with the young lady. Right now this is between you, God and your confessor.


#11

[quote="Monica4316, post:9, topic:330477"]
I agree with others about going to Confession and asking the priest about your parents. Also get rid of all the bad DVDs and pictures as soon as you can. (tell the priest about them too).

Read these quotes from Jesus about His Mercy... :)
piercedhearts.org/treasures/devotions/divine_mercy/divine_mercy_words_of_jesus.htm

God bless!

[/quote]

Exactly right. :thumbsup:


#12

Thank you all so much for your advice and help. Not only has this filled me with deep remorse, regret and a feeling of loss, it has also meant I will have to do so much to try to put things right both in the form of my health and to put me at peace. Visiting a walk in clinic to make sure I have not picked anything up and also having to confess this horrible sin to the Priest and hope that God can forgive me.

I just want to ask though, do I need to tell the Priest that it was an escort or just that I lost my virginity to a girl outside of marriage who I didn't know?


#13

Even if it means you will break down in a hysterical fit of tears in the confessional and roll around on the floor you have to make yourself go to confession because when you come out of that confessional your sin will be forgiven! God loves you and all your sins aren’t even a drop of water in Gods vast ocean of mercy! Stay away from porn! You wont get anything out of your system by using that stuff it will just make you use more and more of it and lead to this kind of situation all over again. Try fasting instead of those DVDs


#14

You have already begun your healing process by truly repenting. God knows what is in out hearts and I believe that He will definitely forgive you. (go to confession - it can be spiritually and mentally healing for you.)
We are human. This means that we make mistakes, some worse than others. (if we never made mistakes, there would be no need for an eraser on a pencil ;)) Look to Mary Magdalene. Or should I say SAINT Mary Magdalene? God is truly forgiving.
I found this posted online today:
Dear God,
In your strong hands,
I place my life today,
choosing to depend on you,
to light and guide my way.

I will pray for you that all goes well in August. As for your parents, I would not mention this to them. Oh - one more thing - DO NOT even think of ending your life. This is only an easy way out - the cheaters way
God bless!


#15

[quote="TheShadow, post:12, topic:330477"]
I just want to ask though, do I need to tell the Priest that it was an escort or just that I lost my virginity to a girl outside of marriage who I didn't know?

[/quote]

I think you should. You shouldn't go into a Confession trying to hide something. Don't worry about it, the priest won't be shocked, he will have heard sins like yours all the time, and much worse. Confession is also an act of humility. In Confession we face who we really are, rather than who we would like to be. God will forgive you and it will feel like a weight lifting from your shoulders. You could always go to a priest in a different parish or diocese if that would make it easier for you, but I would say to tell the priest everything. Also tell him about the books and movies, as the Church also considers that to be very sinful. As others have said, stay away from porn, it really can take a hold of you and turn into an obsession that verges on addiction (an addiction to evil).

Just open up and talk to the priest, start at the beginning with your fears about sex, the books and movies (masturbation, if applicable) and then that you had sex with an escort. The sin, in the latter issue, isn't the loss of virginity as such, the sin is sex outside marriage (whether you're a virgin or not). Unchaste acts such as masturbation also fall into this category.

But don't worry, God will forgive you, and the priest will not think badly of you. The priest will be very pleased that you came and confessed.


#16

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