My dearest desire in life is to be a wife and a mother, and to have a family. My dating life has been an absolute failure, and one of my exes (whom I loved when he left me) is even married now. I don’t understand why God would let a devout girl who wants a family more than anything else in this world wait for so long and get hurt a lot along the way… I even plan on using NFP.
I date, but the only Catholic men I meet seem to be only interested in the fact that I am Catholic and of marriageable age, not because we are compatible. “Catholic” does not mean “compatible”. It is an important factor, but there is more to qualities in a partner than the simple fact that “we are both Catholic”. Other than the ex who left me, I have not found my match at all.
I want to fall in love again. I have had no choice but to move on from my ex, but God has not answered my daily prayer to finally meet the man I will marry. I have almost stopped praying altogether… I believe in God and I try to love Him, but my heart feels so cold right now. I used to be such a sweet and loving person. I have been to Hell and back with the suffering I have gone through in the name of love. I have prayed for others, but I have also asked for peace in my own situation. I stopped believing that God hears me, so I have pretty much stopped praying. I did not even understand the reason until 2 days ago: I stopped trusting God. I feel like as if any prayer from me is completely forced and insincere, so I stopped praying.
How do I trust God? I am trying to get in touch with a priest, but all of the priests I know push my conflict to the side, as if it is nothing. I have no Catholic friends… well, no close Catholic friends. Please, can someone give me advice that works?