I stopped trusting God


#1

My dearest desire in life is to be a wife and a mother, and to have a family. My dating life has been an absolute failure, and one of my exes (whom I loved when he left me) is even married now. I don’t understand why God would let a devout girl who wants a family more than anything else in this world wait for so long and get hurt a lot along the way… I even plan on using NFP.
I date, but the only Catholic men I meet seem to be only interested in the fact that I am Catholic and of marriageable age, not because we are compatible. “Catholic” does not mean “compatible”. It is an important factor, but there is more to qualities in a partner than the simple fact that “we are both Catholic”. Other than the ex who left me, I have not found my match at all.

I want to fall in love again. I have had no choice but to move on from my ex, but God has not answered my daily prayer to finally meet the man I will marry. I have almost stopped praying altogether… I believe in God and I try to love Him, but my heart feels so cold right now. I used to be such a sweet and loving person. I have been to Hell and back with the suffering I have gone through in the name of love. I have prayed for others, but I have also asked for peace in my own situation. I stopped believing that God hears me, so I have pretty much stopped praying. I did not even understand the reason until 2 days ago: I stopped trusting God. I feel like as if any prayer from me is completely forced and insincere, so I stopped praying.

How do I trust God? I am trying to get in touch with a priest, but all of the priests I know push my conflict to the side, as if it is nothing. I have no Catholic friends… well, no close Catholic friends. Please, can someone give me advice that works?


#2

Dear Margarete
Tell God that, about disheartened and hurt you feel.
Jesus was not afraid to say, recorded for all time in the gospel, “My God, why have You abandoned me?”
It’s okay for you to share your shattered faith with Him also…to talk to Him about everything in your heart, so that you can begin to heal in His grace.
Your grief in losing your boyfriend will have knocked you around, and it’s hard to recover from a broken heart, and the feelings of being betrayed and abandoned, and the loss of the dreams.

My good son thought he would never find his good Catholic wife, his love who loved him…and finally he has. He had his heart broken more than once, and he had lost all hope as he left his thirties. They will be married soon, him and the lovely woman he found through me in CAF.

I prayed for years, and it’s hard not to give up hope, because there is much suffering in not finding your spouse when you know that marriage and motherhood is your vocation. I hurt for my son, and it seemed for a few years that God did not hear my prayers for him. The girl whom in the end he is blessed with is amazing.

Put your heart in God’s hands, along with your doubts and fears, and ask Him to find the right person at the right moment as did my dear son and his fiancee.

Love and prayer,
Trishie


#3

I am sure what you are going through is difficult.

I wonder if you ever considered that God wants “your dearest desire in life” to be him.

Focus on God, heal from your past relationships and let God work. Let love find you.


#4

I was reading this thing the other day where the man said he thought that the reason for addictions and all in this country is that people have suffered emotional pain and kept it inside. We kind of expect everyone to suck it up and move on and tell them to finish mourning in 3 to 6 months. Generally, it does seem in our society that we don’t deal well with the pain of others so it seems like the basic message is that people in pain should keep it in or pay someone to listen to them.

Your pain is absolutely real and, not saying you should cry on everyone’s shoulder, bit be honest with God about your pain and cry on His shoulder. Tell Him you feel pain because it feels like He is abandoning you. Tell Him you are not strong enough to trust Him on your own. All of that. The main point is not to say, God, I’m mad at you, but to not hide behind anger with God and say instead, God, I need You and I feel like You’re not there.


#5

I know exactly what you’re going through because I lived it for a long time, for pretty much the same reasons. My first husband had decided he didn’t want to be married any more and left me with 3 children under school-age to raise on my own. I was fully convinced that God would send someone who would fill the hole in my family, because after all weren’t Jesus, Mary and Joseph the model family? God provided a father for his son, wouldn’t he do the same for my children? I did meet someone who I thought was “the one” but it didn’t work out. I still held out hope that God would come through for me but as hard as I prayed and as much as I bargained it didn’t happen. Finally (in my foolishness) I gave God an ultimatum – either He would send a man into my life within 6 months, or I would stop speaking to him. Needless to say, the 6 months came and went with no sign of a husband. I stopped talking to God, and continued not to speak to him for several years.

I can’t tell you exactly when I came to trust God again, except that it was a gradual process. I had made some friends who were strong in their faith, who trusted in God no matter what the situation. They invited me to a weekend retreat which gave me some new insight into what it means to be a child of God and have a relationship with him. It was a long, slow road back, but I realize now that trusting God is not a feeling,* it is a decision you make*. Either God is a God of love and wants to do the best for you, or he isn’t. Everything in the bible says that he is, but I had to make the decision to believe it.

God did finally see fit to send a man into my life, when my kids were almost grown and out of the house. He was the most wonderful person I know, he even fit all the adjectives on my must-have list (yes, I actually wrote out a list!) Unfortunately, God called my husband home when we had been married only 5 years, he was only 49. I could have easily gone back to being angry and distrustful with God, but I didn’t. My faith is still strong and I am still so thankful for the gift of this person in my life. He is still in my life, not physically but spiritually.

You asked how to trust God. The only way is to choose to. If you feel your prayer is insincere, then pray exactly what is in your heart. It’s ok to be angry with God, he can take anything you dish out to him. (The psalms have plenty of examples of this kind of prayer, try Psalm 22 for example.) Then thank him for all the blessings in your life, and ask him for the grace to accept his will for your life, whatever it is.


#6

I know a couple married for years now who found each other through an online service. They both only wanted Catholic contacts. It might be worth a try.


#7

Your bible is full of so many accounts of people suffering for so long, yearning for so long. While many of them had different struggles they all had one thing in common, all of them held tight to their faith and in the end were victorious! God used all of the people and their struggles to further His kingdom :slight_smile: hang in there…keep praying and do not let go of your faith that God will provide when the time is right


#8

My heart goes out to you. Your pain is real, and is felt by many who are on the same path as you. I know it seems dark now, but trust God’s timing. He knows who He has planned for you. Maybe there are some lessons this young man needs to learn before he meets you…Maybe you have some lessons you need to learn as well, before you meet him. Just live your life with joy, and don’t try to force it. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
God Bless:)


#9

Dear Margrete
I was in a similar state of mind some months back, i didn’t just stop trusting God, i assumed i was being punished for all my sins, which meant all the prayers for indulgences were lies. I didnt just stop praying i went right back to sinning (i felt it didnt matter since i was being punished already), i sunk really low. I shunned Our Mother Mary,Jesus Christ, all the saints, i believed they were all lies, because my prayers for a husband hadn’t been answered, and all the men came and went and got married and i was still alone.

Then i remembered all the other prayers that had been answered, when i was sick, my job, soo many times i had thanked the same God for answered prayers.

I also didnt have a priest to confide in, so i went straight to the source, first i went to the grotto, asked The Blessed Virgin to forgive me for losing faith, and to accompany me to her Son, and whether she did or didn’t i would go to him, then i went to the Blessed Sacrament, sat on the floor and started talking (not praying), i had a long discussion with Jesus,i poured out my hurt,shame,feelings, i ranted and raved, played the blaming game, and finally asked for forgiveness, and God’s will be done. I got up from the floor,i was drenched in sweat (airconditioned chapel). But i felt better. I havn’t met my husband yet, but i know i will, a special one (cos right now he’s being ‘pimped’ to suit me perfectly).

Pay a visit to the Blessed Sacrament, and talk to Jesus Christ, unburden yourself to him, don’t mince words, don’t be ashamed or afraid, ask The Virgin’s intercession, and pray for God’s will to be done. Remember, …He can’t give you stone when you ask for meat.

I’ll be praying for you too. May His peace be with you.


#10

Have you ever pondered the idea that God might be saying the same thing about you? Perhaps God is trying to tell you something that is completely different fromwhat younare wanting or expecting to hear.

You mean stopped trusting him to fulfill your will? I know that will come across as rude or harsh, but seriously contemplate on it for a while.

I know what you’re going through is hard, but dissappointment only comes from expectation. Let go of your expectations. Let go of what you feel you need. Abandon yourself to God. He knows your needs better than you do yourself.


#11

This is beautiful, thank you for sharing your story, this is the answer.
God bless you


#12

Please remember to unite your sufferings to the cross for the salvation of souls. The suffering you’re going through right now has a purpose, so don’t let it go to waste. Maybe it will convert some sinners, or help the souls in purgatory. Or perhaps your future husband’s soul is in danger and your prayers will go to help him.

Don’t give up your faith. Perhaps this is a test. Many people in the Bible have gone through years and years of suffering and ended up being greatly blessed by God.

I would also suggest diverting your attention elsewhere. Focusing on loneliness is not going to help the situation and could even be a trick by dark forces to get you to lose trust/faith in God. Take up some volunteer projects to keep yourself busy. Go to Meetup groups or religious events in your diocese so you can meet people with similar interests and values. Go on spiritual retreats. Volunteer to baby-sit so married couples can have a night out and a break from the kids. Single people have a special place for helping others because they don’t have the same commitments that married people or people living in religious communities have.

Please remember that there is more than one way to be a wife and mother. You can be a spiritual spouse of Jesus Christ. God should be #1 in your life anyway. And motherhood is for all women, regardless of whether or not they have biological children. There could be kids in need that you can help while you’re discerning your vocation of marriage. :thumbsup:

And don’t forget to sign up for dating websites (be looking for a spouse if you feel called to marriage).


#13

Why are we Aussies so wise? Good advice. Continue the conversation with Jesus even in the arid times, even if you raise your voice at times. He understands the frustration of a good woman in the face of so many unresponsive men. Show your inner strength and self respect in your relationships. You will be amazed at how attractive a strong woman is to a real man. He understands she will be there when his strength is depleted.
Don’t rely on another for your overall happiness.My wife reminds me of my failings in this regard continually. Our continued marriage for so many years must therefore be attributed to my rugged good looks and an irresistible cuteness… Sorry … drifted off there for a minute. Peace of mind not so much happiness will come with children and a family with a good man. Don’t forget the value of praying for Our Lady’s intersessions.
She is a woman who understands the supposedly little things; eg Canna. Has He ever refused her?


#14

You might just want to give the benefit of the doubt that I am not trying to force God to fulfill my will. I have suffered for years from having an abusive parent who constantly tried to drag me away from God. I got through through my years of legal dependency having to fight the good fight against my own mother. My heart was strained and broken, but finally found healing the moment I moved away from home. I was confident that God would have a loving husband waiting for me out in the world since I spent my teenage years praying for the opportunity to have a loving family when I would leave home. 7 years have passed… and I have been abandoned by 3 men whom I saw as my future spouse. The most recent one got married within months of leaving me, and he wasn’t even a believer! I don’t want to feel entitled, but I am angry… angry that God would let a non-believing man who left his loving Catholic girlfriend find his happy ending, while I have to wait and wait and wait for some person who probably doesn’t even exist to show up and make this pain worth it? I have been called to forgive, but that does not make God very merciful if he leaves me alone with heartache and pain. I have fought depression and thoughts of suicide that have resulted from the lack of love or mercy in my life, and the depression is finally gone, but I am angry! I am angry that I have to put in all of the effort to show God how much I love him, and he STILL abandons me! The worst part is that I still go to church and still pray… I have not abandoned God. I am starting to abandon him in heart, but he has tested me beyond my capabilities at this point. I am asking for help because I know I am weak, but I have also been forced to learn to be strong. I think I have proven myself to be strong. I just want relief. I am sick of practicing my faith alone and living a life with nothing to enrich it. Only my career is working out, and I never actually cared for the career to work out beyond having a paycheck for survival.


#15

Dearest,
how do you know for certain that your ex has found his happy ending? Even if he has,he was never yours. Every woman was made from a man’s rib, if it is God’s will that man who donated his rib to make you would definitely show up. Have faith in your Creator.

Today’s homily in my parish centred on faith, quality faith and not quantity, faith with works. Dont give room for someone who doesn’t fit your vision of a life partner,you’ll only hurt yourself. Wait patiently.

Do not for one second believe you are alone, join a church group or two. Stop being alone you’ll only feed the loneliness within. I’ll pray earnestly for you. Speak to you guardian angel, to Mary, explain how you feel to her, and ask her help. Trust me she will help you.

When you feel really down, try to think about what you actually have (yes, its very hard,but try) your career, think how blessed you are, then thank God for that.


#16

Like I stated before, expectation is the main ingredient for disappointment. You have to let go of what you think God’s plan for you ought to be and just open your heart and trust Him.

If you cannot find enrichment in your own life, perhaps this is the stumbling block God is waiting for you to overcome before bringing a husband into your life. Marriage is not a band-aid, or a cure, or an enrichment, so perhaps the real issue is that you simply aren’t ready yet.


#17

Are you familiar with the diary of St. Faustina? You might be interested in learning about Divine Mercy. It’s helped me out a lot.


#18

I am trying to let God reveal his plan to me. The problem is that he put no other desire in my heart than that of marriage and parenthood. I have tried to contemplate being a nun, or even living an exemplary single life, but both options fill my heart with dread (not because I think they are bad… I know in my heart these paths are not for me). I am tired because I hate the single life; I hate dating and giving this another try over and over again. I hate wasting my time on fruitless endeavors. I have even taken long breaks to focus on God and pray, but God has given me no direction than to not want the single, celibate life options. I am trying to look into my myself. NONE of my frustration is from laziness or lack of effort or insight or desire to know God. My frustrations are because I have fought long and hard to understand God, myself in relation to God, and what I need to improve. I am tired, alone, and frustrated. I have been ready for marriage for years. I have loved so deeply, even when my mother was pulling me away from God. The problem is that HE IS SILENT and seems to forget I exist.


#19

A wedding is not a “happy ending” so please abandon your train of thought here. It is the beginning of a new life, a monumental committment to abandon our frivolous cares and devote ourselves wholly to spouse and family. Perhaps you understand part of this. But it is also something that is granted in God’s time, not in ours, and sometimes God does not intend for us to launch directly into a vocation. The past 20 years have been hard on me and I am also waiting for a wife. But I did not allow my despair to eat me up inside because I had bigger fish to fry. I turned the lens inward on my own life and asked what I could improve about it. God’s first answer was, “put Me back in it.” I had completely lost sight of my faith and Church and I was utterly lost. So I am glad that you have not (yet) lost your faith because you understand that is important. My next steps were to slowly repair my life. I was disabled and unable to work. But I was not unable to volunteer and give of myself generously in service. For the past seven years I have been isolated in a parish without many eligible women, but I did not allow that to stop me from getting involved, making friends, and serving God’s people in various ministries. It was also effective in socializing me and making me more patient and kind and charitable. Eventually I wound up with a job right here in the parish. They consider me indispensible now and I continue to take on responsibilities as God slowly puts my life back together, piece by piece.

At this point my deepest regret is that a religious vocation is out of my reach. Is it out of yours? Has it been adequately considered? My strongest recommendation for you is to appoint yourself a spiritual director, someone who can counsel you in your way of life, and suggest ways that you can better serve God, whatever your current state in life. As long as you are unmarried there is still time to consider a religious profession. It is not the life you want, but perhaps you are suited for it. If you have a motherly instinct then perhaps you can serve the poor or the sick or educate children. A life of celibacy is not the end of the world, as I have come to learn through difficult lessons.

My third recommendation is a life of prayer. If you already say some prayers now, say some more. A daily rosary is commendable, so is the Liturgy of the Hours. Cultivate a devotion to patron saints and rely on their help. There is nothing more powerful than prayer, especially that which is done in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament, so find some time in your week for Adoration. Your ideal husband may someday be praying at your side and you cannot let yourself be slack in communion with God.

You are in my prayers because I have also had failed relationships, and I managed to hit the big 4-0 as a single man, it’s not very pleasant when you look around and all your friends are having children, even the pro-abortion atheists… gotta catch up with that. God bless.


#20

Dear Margaret Faust,

I am sorry for all you are going through right now. Your pain is palpable, and brings me back to a time in my life when I too experienced the loss of someone I was passionately in love with but who was unable to return that love.

In my case, I plunged into a despair that I have only come to see in retrospect was not really even related to that man. When I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for an acute depressive crisis, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Through much soul searching and therapy (and appropriate medication) I discovered that I needed to be happy with me before I was going to find a healthy relationship with a man.

During my recovery, I started to pray to St. Joseph. I wore his medal, and prayed with the understanding that if I was meant to be married, I would trust that it would happen. It was not always easy to pray. It was also not easy to trust. I will say though, it was not until I stopped looking for a husband that I found him. We met at a baseball game–baseball being a passion in both of our lives before we met. I now firmly believe that it is when we stop searching, and just live our lives doing the things we love to do that we are most likely to meet someone who matches our passions and can truly be a companion for life.

I am worried about your health first on foremost right now. Mental illness continues to carry a stigma and degree of shame that is so wrong and acts as a barrier to our finding ourselves. Your writings suggest to me that you may be suffering from major depressive disorder, and while you may already be seeking care for this, if you are not I implore you to do so. When we are depressed, we lose sight of what we usually love, and it can become very easy to walk away from things like our faith. Treatment could open doors for you that will allow you to come back to prayer not out of obligation, not because everyone on this board is telling you that it is what you have to do, but because your natural love of God will return.

I can see how important love, a family, and children are to you. You must have peace with yourself though before you will find peace with another. I had to learn this lesson the hard way, and I am still learning. Seven years after my first hospitalization, I was back in the same ward again–and this time I had a loving husband of 4 years. I will struggle but survive, and every day I take my meds and live .

I hope I don’t come across as preachy. The focus of my life right now is to use my experiences in the mental health world to help others who are similarly in pain. I want you to know it does get better. Slowly, but it does. Don’t panic at the fear you have lost your faith. Jesus does not abandon us, even when it feels like He has.

You are in my prayers.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.