I think I am starting to get "hints" of my Vocation

Hi everyone!:tiphat:

A little re-run for those of you who do not know me, I am almost 19, I graduated high school last year, I am not going to school, or have a job. As my parents work, I watch over my toddler sister. My older sister, My Father, and My mother all work. I have 4 sisters total.

As a now practicing Catholic, I learned that we all have Vocations some time ago. As a child, my dream was to be a musician, I was the type of kid that air guitar’d to Power Ranger theme songs. I always wanted to be a guitarist, a lyricist, something in a band, especially a Christian band. Well, I tried the guitar, and It just did not work. Over spring break I remember talking to God about playing the Piano for him. Well, the next day my father says “So you guys don’t get bored, Let’s go buy a keyboard so you can play it.”:eek: We never buy things like that on short notice, well, it’s been some months, and If I say so myself , I am pretty good.:blush: ( I don’t mean to be cocky or anything)

BUT. I just felt like something is missing. For some time, I felt the need to become a nun. And it wasn’t like a call, It just came into my head one day. It just did not feel like my vocation. Don’t get me wrong, it is a beautiful Vocation. But, I just don’t feel it for me.It’s like my mind was forcing me to do it. ( I also am scrupulous) I have cried, been upset, prayed because I don’t know what my vocation is. I get frustrated, and I prayed to be patient. Sometimes I break. I have felt like I do not help my family because all my pupils are working, going to school for their careers, and I am at home. But lately I have thought of myself speaking in front of people, especially youth. I was upset today about some of my pupils and their “anti-religious” posts on facebook, but on my daily bike ride I passed by the church. I told God I don’t want to be angry, I want to help youth. Some don’t know their faith, act like they did, and leave it. I have pictured myself speaking infront of people and preaching. I want to do this. I felt this today, and I pray to God that if this is it, then let this Idea stay. I told him if the nun vocation was not for me then to please take it from my mind because I was so confused, and it stopped. I want to share the Gospel, and I feel it in me like I can do this. I hated speaking in front of people, and I took a course in H.S. where I was required to do this. It wasn’t so bad. But I just feel like I need to get a message out or I will explode! :slight_smile: I have been inspired by some young speakers with moving words in some of my favorite christian groups. I always wanted to do that. And I think, well, Why CAN’T I?

I am scared that this might be one of my “phases”. As in I thought I was to be a psycologist for a short time, that passed.

Any suggestions would help me so much. Also please pray for me and my vocation, and our youth.

(I will make an appointment with a spiritual director, but sometimes the wait is a month :confused: )

I am not discerning. But I do know two very happy religious (now professed over 50 years), one active and one contemplative, who started out thinking that religious life of any kind was not for them.

Prayers!:slight_smile:

Hi Maria!! Thank you for your faith! It is refreshing to see a young female still clinging to the Truth of the Gospel and living that faith. First, your vocation NOW is to stay at home and care for your sister. This is NOT a small feat. Some of your fellow classmates that you feel are doing “better” things would NOT be able to care for a small child. God has given you a first step in forming a soul. As a young child, their minds are EXTREMELY moldable. I recommend starting to sing to her about Jesus…or get a child’s book of Jesus or the Saints with lots of pictures she can just look at while you tell her the story. I know she’s only a toddler, you say, but her mind will start to recognize the name of Jesus the more she understands language. It is vital to her beginning to form a relationship with Him!

I am a future religious…I am 28!! Yes, I’m almost a decade older than you and I am just now filling out my application for postulancy with a community. For me, this “thought” of becoming a nun came when I was about your age, but I was not ready for such a Vocation. In fact, it freaked me out, actually! Sometimes I got MAD when I thought about being a Sister! Haha but looking back on it I realized my soul was FIGHTING God’s graces because I wanted to be just like everyone else. But that’s not what He called me to be. And that’s ok…Instead of throwing out that idea completely, put it on the back burner. I pushed my thoughts to marriage and forgot about religious life completely, but God had just been using that time to plant the seed…you know? Sometimes he gives us an idea of a way of life, but He doesn’t want us always to act on that idea right away!

Secondly, a religious vocation is an INVITATION, never a forced deal. That being said, He calls many to the religious life, but not all answer. But that’s ok, too…those who choose to become married and raise families can be happy and live holy lives as well, but God who created them knows what would have made them even HAPPIER! He will give us the graces to follow His way wherever we choose to be, but in the end, He alone sees the FULL potential for growth, beauty and fulfillment. I suggest doing some browsing. There’s a community in Ann Arbor, MI called the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist…I know, that sounds intimidating but hear me out. There are girls not much older than you that are living a life FILLED with JOY!!! And guess what? They’re teachers! They do spend time in prayer, but when you’re a Religious, prayer is the glue and the nourishment that holds you close to Our Lord and His precious Mother. I’m not asking you to JOIN, I’m just asking you to Google them (they’ve also been on Oprah, so look that up too lol!!!) and see how many young lives they help. They go to college first, so the Order will pay for your schooling, and you have several years before you’re EVER teaching by yourself, so they make sure formation is solid so you don’t feel like you’re being thrown into teaching too quickly. They also SPEAK at high schools and colleges all around the country!

Anyways, I will continue to keep you in my prayers, this is a big time in your life for you. Do you have a spiritual director??? If not, ask your local priest and he’ll help you. God Bless! Just keep your gaze on Jesus. He wants you here at this moment in life. His timing is often different than ours.

PS-feel free to message me if you ever have any specific questions on discernment!! it helps to talk to a woman who’s once been in your shoes!

My mother told me when she was young she was attracted to the nun lifestyle, She is now married and has 5 kids :smiley:

I am so confused right now. It gives me anxiety at times.

This helped me :chastity.com/chastity-qa/vocations/i-want-get-married-im-afraid-god-will-

I wish i could find a soul mate in the future and experience that. To be loved, I know God loves me, but as in a soul mate. I have never dated, and felt as if i should not or i should wait. GAH.

Hey Maria1993

I am passing this very phase right now. I am struggling to know what my vocation is to be. For the longest time ever since my fresh man year in high school I have felt a call to business ownership. My whole family says that this would be best for me and have encouraged me to do so. Even my friends in high school have told me the same thing. I have always sold candy in high school and it felt like a nice experience. I have always wanted to own my own business and use the money to help out my community. I also wanted to use financial knowledge for those in need that don’t know how to take care of their money.

Lately though I have been preaching to myself, pretending to be talking to a large crowd about God. I have imagined myself talking about theology and philosophy and about the nature of God. So then I though about doing something like being a priest, or a Dominican and learning moral theology and philosophy.

Finally I have though about marriage and celibacy which is required for a lot of religious vocations. I have never dated but I have always wanted to have my own family. In the other hand if I do end up wanting to become a priest, then I would have to remain celibate.

Maria1993,

You’ve had a lot of great responses and advice, so I will just speak of my own experience.

I never wanted to become a nun. The calling came while I was still dating someone (an Atheist at that) and even so the calling kept coming. A few months later, we broke up and after a period of mourning, I decided to give religious life a try. I honestly thought what harm could it do? I said “maybe” to God on July 7, 2008 and His messages never stopped. Never expected that it would change my entire life to a fulfilling life of love, hope, and spiritual battles for souls!

4 years later, I am still discerning religious life and believe that is still where God is calling me. It will takes years for me to get there (student loans) but I know that God would not allow these desires into my heart and not allow me the way to get there. God does not change His mind.

Not being called to marriage was something I was very angry to God about because I could not understand why God would let me dishonor my parents by not giving them grandchildren. Over the next few years, I realized that my desire for marriage was, and still is, for the wrong reasons, and that God knew my life would be more good, not just for myself, but for my family and friends as well if I became a religious.


My only advice is to not take direct responses to heart so quickly. Ponder about them and take them to prayer every single day. Place your trust in God, for if God really wanted you to be a religious, He will continue to make it obvious and those thoughts will keep coming back. Do not be disheartened for any reason, as it is the doorway to more anxiety and worry. 

God does not call the qualified, but qualifies those who are called. You may not understand exactly how or why He is leading you there especially if you believe you wouldn't be good in that vocation (and try not to in fact), but keep an open mind and let His spirit guide you to wherever it leads. I promise you though that every tiny thing that happens in our lives will make sense eventually, in this life or the next.

For since God is love, and He only wants what is best for us, though I have trouble believing this at times, He does know how to make us happier and more fulfilled. There are more things on heaven and earth than is dreamt of in our philosophies.

I will pray for you mission to help youth :] I hope it becomes fruitful one day!

Maria, at 19 you need to start living your own life. You say you don’t go to school, you don’t work either. you babysit for your sister, which is great for your parents, but what about your future here? Perhaps you need to work something out with them to enable you time to either study something (music?) or to get a part-time job at least. Today’s religious communities usually require some life experience and even if they accept you straight out of school, that would leave your parents without a babysitter. Are you running away from that situation in your thoughts about religious life? You say it isn’t something you want - how can you expect to live in community for the rest of your life if you are doing something you don’t want to do?

My advice (as a mother and grandmother and discerner of religious life) is to speak to your parents about finding some occupation that will interest you and give you a life outside the family. If you are serious about religious life, then it won’t hurt to wait while you discover who you are first. Perhaps seeking out a psychologist would be a good idea, or even a vocational counsellor (not a religious one, an occuaptional one to help you decide whether to study or work part-time). That doesn’t mean you can’t seek a spiritual director as well, but you sound way too confused right now to be actively pursuing a religious vocation.

Another suggestion is to actaully contact a religious community and discuss your situation with the vocations director and see if she can’t give you some advice about what steps to take. She will not try to ‘talk you into’ anything but will help you to see if this is a real calling or something else. I wish you well.

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