You said, “I want to love them, God help me if I everything is not made right… I can’t bear their absence. It’s a feeling of ‘nothing will be right again’, that I have done too much to scar them and hurt them, and they will remember what I did, and think less of me, even if they forgive me.”
But you know what they hear in what you’re saying?
That you** want** to love them so much that you actually do really love them as family.
Apostles, pray for our restoration and faith
Dear Apostles of Jesus, many of us experience crucifixion in our lives and in the lives of dear ones, as you did. Please pray for us and guide us, so that if loss and pain engulfs others’ lives or our own, we will continue to pray and evangelise.
You were His chosen companions. Your hearts were broken and your lives shattered by the terrible betrayal and death of your great hope Jesus. He had preached love and faith; He had preached the Kingdom to which He claimed all persons are called. Defeated and disgraced with no more honour than the vilest criminal, He was tortured, executed and buried.
His words and acts now meant nothing, as all of you—except John—scattered and hid to avoid a similar fate. Disillusioned, you wondered if the last few years were a shameful mistake. Were you betrayed by your discipleship to this condemned man?
Poor men, how could you reconcile the terrible events of this Passover with the Son of God, the Saviour whom you had believed Jesus to be! How could this disgrace, loss, and failure be the end to which He, and possibly yourselves, could be destined!
**Peter, you, His appointed one, denied even an acquaintanceship with Him. How great your shock and your disillusionment when the full realisation of your perfidy assailed you! **
***Remember, Jesus asked him if he loved him three times, the same number of times Peter betrayed Him. Jesus required him to say, "I love you the same three times. Then Jesus utterly forgave him and commissioned him to serve the Church. So as may times as you’ve done that, do as Peter did. Tell them you love them. And you do, my dear little brother!!!***]
Only John returned to stand beneath the cross with the grieving women. Beloved John! Shaking with grief and shock, you stood there, gutted by the unbelievable tragedy unfolding before you. Faith and love supported you, yet did you not experience the same terrible emptiness and loss as your fellow apostles and other disciples?
Dear Apostles, throughout the ages, countless individuals experience in some way the crucifixion of a loved one, or of themselves, and the consequent challenge to hope and faith. They may feel emptiness, or loss of zeal. They may lose all trust in the living, merciful God.
Pray for them, for us, that in such periods we may be faithful, regardless of broken heart and anguish of spirit. Pray that we may be restored to hope, to trust, to prayer, to active service of love in the Kingdom. Intercede for such resurrection in us. Implore the Holy Spirit to come and restore our spirits, making us true apostles of Jesus. Pray that we become evangelists, enabling the Spirit to draw others into the Kingdom of God.
Thank you, Apostles of Jesus, whose weaknesses mirror our weakness, and whose restored faith, zeal, and courage, inspire us. Pray for us who are your sisters and brothers throughout the ages. Share your blessings with us. Pray that we shall receive in fullness those precious gifts of His love that He longs for us to share and distribute.
Obtain that we honour and delight our God with all heart and strength. Then, when at last our souls rise to join yours, we shall enjoy eternity at your side, honouring and loving the great Son of God, whom we once betrayed out of our fear and selfishness.
There isn’t a single saint who didn’t battle with human weakness even the twelve Jesus chose. Do you see I’m trying to put things into perspective for you?
And St Padre Pio said: “Walk with simplicity in the way of the Lord and do not torment your spirit.”
He also said, “Be certain that the more a soul loves God, the less he feels it…God is incomprehensible…so that the more a soul enters into the love of this Supreme Good…this sentiment of love towards Him seems to diminish, to the point of seeming to love Him not at all…Say rather that you love, and that you wish to love with a perfect and consummate love. This good cannot be obtained in its completion except in the next life!”