Some of you may recall from other posts that I have been having a rough time with a family member and the disastrous financial calamity this has caused.
Well today my family member hit a new low, so I thought I would go to a Thursday night mass. I pondered for quite a while if I should do this due to the fact that I have one sin in a “gray” area. I know it is better to abstain if in doubt, but I really needed to be as close to the Lord as possible today.
I was still debating if I was in a state of mortal sin or not when the time came, that if I did not leave, I would be late to Mass. It was then that total reason left my mind. I said out loud, “Lord, I am going to flip this dime three times, and if I am in mortal sin, let me see heads at least once.” Tails, three times in a row. I immediately felt better and went to mass.
At mass I began to feel a bit funny again about the whole thing. Not sure, flipping a dime [really???] Father, for some reason, put more than one piece of the Eucharist on my tongue, some of which hit the floor. I apologized to the Lord and quickly gathered up the host and consumed it.
Well I left Mass in quite a state. [My Rosary broke too!] I went to the other side of the property and did the stations of the cross using my prayer book. Now I wonder if I committed sacrilege. I feel like getting on the elevator of life and hitting the “H” button for Hell!
Needless to say I will confess the whole thing Saturday, no doubt about it. Till then, I was hoping someone might say or suggest something to make me feel a bit better about what happened, so I don’t torture myself for 48 hours.:imsorry: