I think im a bad Spiritual Director

Greeting Bothers and Sisters in Christ. May the peace of our lord be with you all.

I’m a recent Graduate, 23 next month. I’ve been dating this wonderful woman for nearly 2 years now. We’re currently working out the last of our compatibility issues before we finally stand on our own feet and declare our intent to the church! One of the main stumbling blocks is our faith. She’s a baptist, and through my instruction she has grown to learn more about what Christianity really is. Before you ask, we live in a country where the population is about 2% Catholic. She’s has opened her eyes to a few things. Until she met me, she didn’t know what a protestant was.

Now here’s the issue. She has being coming with me to mass for a little over a year now. At first she was amazed at how reflective and beautiful our mass is! You should have seen her face during stations of the Cross, and Easter last year! However, she has started to feel indifferent because she’s not allowed to take part, and she has gotten frustrated as she is already baptized. She has started to yearn for the Eucharist!

I understand the churches position don’t get me wrong. Several times in our history, many people have joined the church for the wrong reasons. Even today, many of us are ignorant of how beautiful their faith his. Her counter argument is, since we won’t be judged based on our knowledge, can’t the church simply receive her and then she learns over the rest of her life? Why must she go through 2-4 yrs of RCIA? I’ve spoken to our School Chaplin - a Jesuit. He says that while he can receive her, it’s still imperative that she goes through the program, However with her intelligence, she should be able to do it in about a year.

I think part of her frustration is my fault. I figured I could instruct her as our Code of cannon law says that anyone can teach you. But, I guess i’m not equipped enough yet. How do i help her to remain patient through the RCIA because as of now, she doesn’t believe the church is doing anymore for her.


RCIA usually takes about 9 months in the parishes I’ve been a part of.

At my college Newman Center, we once had an RCIA candidate who was lurking around the edges of joining the faith until he was utterly convinced of the truth of the Faith, and convicted that he must join the Church, while attending Mass on Ash Wednesday. Our chaplain was convinced that it was the work of the Holy Spirit and he allowed the young man to enter the Church at the following Easter Vigil, 45 days. He attended catechism classes 3 days a week for an hour each to complete the text of the course, and prayed in front of the Blessed Sacrament almost every day.

That being said, why was she not enrolled in RCIA last year? Normally it’s a 6-12 month program, with a period of mystagogy after confirmation at the Easter Vigil. But if she has been studying the faith for over a year and is convinced that she must be a Catholic, she might find a priest (or even the bishop) willing to admit her this year, or at least at a time before next Easter. Pray with her for patience, try to find writings of the Saints (St. Therese for example) who burned with longing to receive Holy Communion for the first time. Has she read “Story of a Soul”?

Why must she go through 2-4 yrs of RCIA? I’ve spoken to our School Chaplin - a Jesuit.

Dear brother, I do not think you are a bad spiritual director, but I must stress obedience to your school chaplain. Receiving Eucharist is extremely serious, our walk with Christ as Catholics is centered around it.
in 1 Corinthians 11:28 it says “For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body.”
The consequences of receiving Eucharist in an unworthy manner is **DAMNATION ** the reason she must go through the recommended period is not based on knowledge, but a long contemplation and thorough understanding of Church teaching and Dogma. If she is already losing patience, then her heart is already in the wrong place. Being patient is part of being like Christ, as he suffered patiently for our sins. Christ also thought us that patience is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. If she is truly committed to the Catholic faith, she will have to let the Holy Spirit teach her the patience and the contemplation she needs. I will pray for you both! Many Blesssings!

RCIA at my parish starts in October and ends at Easter. I’ve never heard of it taking as long as you mentioned. Basically, she’d be received into the Church a year from now. A yearning for the Eucharist is a VERY good thing. This doesn’t mean she can receive until she’s Catholic, of course (as you know only Catholics in a state of grace may receive the Eucharist), but her yearning for the Eucharist will only grow and she will have a lovely First Communion next Easter!

MalaysianDan has given the best advice: obedience to your School Chaplain. Also, your Jesuit Chaplain is not saying she must do 2-4 years RCIA, he has said about a year. You should both be following his advice.

For those quoting when RCIA starts in your parish and how long it lasts, did you notice that the OP is in Jamacia? It may not be the same where he is as it is where you are. I know it is very different in the two countries where I live.

My husband started last fall, got baptized in January and now will have his first communion, confirmation on Holy Saturday.

Are you sure about this 2-4 years???Sound intense to me. Seek another parish maybe!

It would sad of this long wait.

All the best, pray God cans truly work miracles. My husband was sad of not having the confirmation before the divine mercy Sunday. Last week, he came home excited telling me that they now will do it on Holy Saturday. Everything is possible.

p.s. She cans ask Jesus to be in her body spiritually during the ceremony. Our priest told us that we can receive him this way.

Thanks all for the advice. Well, the reason why RCIA is so long here is multifaceted. As a result of us being a British Colony, we have inherited a very strong anti-catholic sentiment. We’re also predominantly SDA, with the baptists following them closely. Therefore the typical adult will take some time for all that “bad” to be removed before they can truly appreciate the church. Furthermore, some people where found to join the church for the wrong reasons. We have a few powerful institutions here, that they feel they would be in a better position to benefit from if they “joined” the church. As people are more in for instant gratification, the 2 years is just buffer to have them think about what they are doing and what they really want. It can take as long as 4 years if they are inconsistent.

Thankfully, our Jesuit friend believes she can do it a year if she’s serious. However, she’s studying to become a Doctor, and going into her 4th year of school. Her schedule is going to be very hectic.

Please pray for us!

As I recall, you celebrated the 50th anniversary of your independence last August, so you’re a Commonwealth Realm. Elizabeth II rules gloriously in her capacity as Queen of Jamaica, which is one of her 16 separate Crowns.

Will do.

Would it be very inconvenient to go in France or something, perhaps they will help with this.

I pray for this situation change.

Blessings and love!

p.s Get her started now anyway, she cans think about this and maybe you will meet someone from another country with different rule that will sympathize with you. My husband was supposed to receive his confirmation only maybe in April and he would have miss out the Divine Mercy Novena, he meet a priest that was willing to do this for him and again, as i mentioned, his current priest decided to do it sooner anyway. Pray, God is the boss and he is the one that decide.

This. Explain to her that if she goes through the 2 year buffer, she is proving her commitment to God. A small price to pay for someone who is serious in the faith. And by the way, whether or not she is officially received in the church, she can still pray to God and receive the graces He has for her

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