I think I'm being shunned

My Mormon friend of a decade started ignoring me a day before my birthday. I was given a birthday card but I haven’t heard from her in a few days after sending her multiple messages and apologizing for whatever I did to deserve this. I have a suspicion it has to do with religion. Way back many years ago she mentioned that she thinks I might not be Catholic for life. I am always invited to participate in Mormon activities but I usually don’t accept because I have a strong sense they are trying to convert me. And, when it was clear that I would decline the invitation, she would say we were going somewhere and then stop by her church for an hour or so before actually doing what we were planning on doing. I was also made to read their Mormon scriptures once when her family decided to have a “family night” which apparently didn’t happen very often. I have most recently decided to politely decline every attempt of hers to take me to her church (which is basically everything she invites me to do). And then a few days ago I was told that I was at fault for having plans of greater importance than doing things with her which I really don’t understand since I thought she was going to celebrate my birthday with me (which she ended up not doing because I was having a breakdown at that point and canceled the party). I haven’t heard from her since and It is very confusing for me. It isn’t like her at all, but I wouldn’t put it past her either to have a higher authority tell her to stop associating with me. What is your take on this? Should I worry? Should I just assume she forgot to respond? Did I overreact? Please help!

I think you are a lot like me. I think you overreacted. Like I would. I think you have a problem with taking things in stride. Like I do. I think you should just let things cool down. Don’t initiate any more contact. People can sense when someone is desperate. They can sense when you are not at ease. And that makes them uncomfortable. Well it makes most people uncomfortable. It doesn’t bother me. Because I know how it is. You and I should hang out.



Hmm, maybe you overreacted, but your decisions to not go to church with her anymore and the like aren’t necessarily wrong, I think? (I honestly don’t know, hopefully someone else can help out with that.)

If she comes back into contact with you (it might not be a good idea to talk first unless you honestly believe it’s the best course of action), I think it might be good to try to gently explain to her exactly why it is you don’t want to go to church with her. If she is trying to convert you, then looking at it from her side, she’s trying to show you what she believes is the truth, and the intention isn’t bad; it doesn’t justify her, but she isn’t trying to hurt you. Tell her you understand and appreciate what she’s trying to do, but that with your beliefs, it just makes you personally uncomfortable to be taken to these Mormon activities as a Catholic.

And whatever you do, make sure not to be bitter or snarky about it. Regardless of the religious difference, you both believe in the same God, and it’s important to remember that God would want the two of you to get along and work out your differences.

Good luck with everything, and God bless you and your friend! :smiley:

It’s not okay to go to a Mormon church if you are Catholic. Speak to your priest about the activities you have participated in. Participating in Mormon activities is not something to take lightly.

Yes, she is aggressively trying to convert you. Her behavior as of late has shifted to more aggressive tactics. She is telling you that if you want her friendship, you need to work towards converting, or you won’t be welcome. She is likely getting pressure from others. Their beliefs about heaven only include Mormons, so, from their point of view, you won’t be there unless you are Mormon.

Perhaps she would make a better online friend than real life friend?

It sounds like you need to set boundaries with this particular friend regarding religious issues.

I am friends with a lady whose husband is a Baptist preacher. We can talk about religion, joke about religion, and take turns saying either a Baptist or Catholic grace before meals. We respect each other. We meet for lunch, most times. No pressure either way. It’s a good friendship.

I have had other friends who broke off their friendship once I became Catholic. And others that shifted into conversion mode to try to “save” me. Love all, but accept the fact that not all will love back. Not all will love without strings attached.

I thank you and the Holy Spirit for your excellent response!

I agree with you. Setting up boundaries with non-Catholic friends is important. It certainly sounds like this friend was hoping someday to convert the OP to the Momon church.

Just continue your life in the Church and seek new friends. A true friend would not just cut you off like that. Consider it a social annulment. Peace and prayers for you.

Sounds like it could definitely be about religion. As for your breakdown and not having a party, I can see how that happened. Your “friend” has been pushing and pushing for you to go to Mormon church, read scripture, etc. I’m sure it got old quickly, as well as frustrating.

If someone is disassociating from you because you won’t convert to their religion, that person isn’t a friend, IMO.

Does the church offer any advice on having non catholic friends? I wonder sometimes if it Is spiritually healthy to be close with a person you can’t share your faith with.

My understanding that’s how Mormons evangelize. They strike up a friendship inviting the friend to visit their family and friends, which are fellow Mormons,. When they realize the friend is not going to convert they drop them.

There is nothing wrong with having friends of different faiths. In fact, I think it can be a good thing. Friends can share their faith with each other without trying to convert the others. I think it can expand one’s horizons. Not all of my friends are Protestant. My husband is RC and so is the rest of his family. My family is VERY Protestant.

This person who has dropped you because you aren’t interested in being Mormon, is NOT a friend.

Consult with your priest. He can best advise how to do this in your specific situation.

It isn’t nearly as complicated as being married to someone of a different faith, but friendship can be quite complicated, especially when a friend doesn’t respect your faith.

Being married to someone of a different religion doesn’t have to be complicated. In my situation, it isn’t that complicated.

I think you’re giving yourself unnecessarily heartburn.

If she’s your friend, then trust that she’s still your friend even though she’s gone for a couple of days. And just ask her what was up when you do talk to her again.

If you’re worried about why she keeps inviting you to church stuff, just ask her why. It may be to convert you, or may be something else.

From my personal experience, my best friend growing up was Catholic, and none of my friends were Mormon. One week we were having a youth group activity going on a hay ride, and then making s’mores on an bonfire. There was nothing remotely religious about it, except that technically we were meeting at the church to then drive to the hay ride location. As I didn’t have any Mormon friends, I asking if my best friend (whom happened to Catholic) would like to come and make s’mores with me. She jumped to conclusions, and was so angry at my supposed attempts to convert her (???) that she refused to talk to be for two weeks. When in reality I was just lonely.

The girl is your friend: talk to her.

I sent her multiple messages which she ignored. She won’t talk to me. There isn’t much I can do.

I’m with you I have any former Catholic friends but rather had who is hell bent on getting me to say things about the Catholic Church that I don’t believe to be true. So I only talk to her sporadically. I also have a friend that is Muslim he and I don’t really have any problems with each other and we talk about religion but it is more or less explaining what we believe to each other. I think that is a good way to evangelise. My Baptist friend has asked me questions about the Bible so makes me happy. My closest female friend is a high Church Anglican. I don’t mind people being my friends that are of different face or even talking about religion but at the same time if you want me to convert to your religion which I don’t intend on doing I think the best way to show me is by example.

Then wait a few days and try again. In the meantime you’re just pacing a hole in the floor when there’s nothing you can do about it.

Okay, but you are LDS. Are you saying shunning never happens? I have heard too many stories and it worries me. I have made it clear that I am and always will be Catholic. I would think this is enough reason to find myself in a position of being shunned. I mean, to gain entrance to a temple LDS members have to say that they don’t associate with people who believe in anything contrary to LDS teaching. I am pretty sure I have seen it before in person too. A non believer is befriended and then once they convert (or not) they are dropped like a hot potato. Its not formal shunning, but it is shunning nonetheless.

I’d say be a friend to her despite her no longer being yours .

Its been over a week and I still haven’t heard anything. I now have reason to believe it doesn’t have to do with religion. I think she cut me off because of my anxiety and depression. I am actively getting treatment for it too and she never mentioned that she was upset with me even once. It hurts a lot to think this would be the reason but some online activity of hers makes me think this is the reason. I hope God brings some real friends into my life. :frowning:

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.