I think I'm just making my mom dislike the RCC


#1

Hi,

I would appreciate any advice on this...

I feel like I am just causing my mom to dislike the Catholic Church. I am the only Catholic in my family. I am graduating in June and my family was planning on going to the graduation ceremony which is in another city... that is a Saturday, and then I was going to go to church there on Sunday (the church I used to attend when I went to university and I really miss that parish).

My mom told me today that her and dad were thinking of combining the trip to the city with another trip, and leaving there on Sunday morning..which means I wouldn't be able to fulfill my Sunday obligation. I told mom, I need to go to church.. and she got upset at me and the church and then told me that if I want to do it that way, I should just take the bus there and go to my graduation alone. She got really upset :( she talks really negatively about the Catholic Church sometimes. I am afraid it's my fault :(

well I was wondering... should I have simply agreed to go? I am not sure what to do now... I know I shouldn't miss church.. and I feel really sad because it's like I'm causing my mom to dislike Catholicism, but this happens just when I am trying to practice it and fulfill my obligations :( I really love my family and my parents but I know I can't put God second.. but is what I've done uncharitable????

does anyone have any advice? thank you!! God bless


#2

If you are absolutely reliant on them for a ride and you honestly have no other way to get to Mass, then you haven't committed any sin.

Might you be able to go to a vigil Mass instead? Could they possibly leave for the next trip a little later on Sunday, maybe your parents can go to breakfast or something after dropping you off for Mass then return to pick you up?

Don't let your mom's negativity keep you from practicing your faith. I am the only practicing Catholic in my family, and it's very difficult at times. See if there's anything you can do to either switch your schedule or suggest an alternative for Sunday morning so you can still get to Mass. If you just can't make Mass through no fault of your own, don't sweat it and just go next Sunday. Hang in there!


#3

First, let your mother calm down before you approach her on this again. I suspect your mom is emotional about you graduating and moving on to a new stage in life. Try to be understanding of this and do your best to acommodate their schedule in your plans.

Are you already home (you say you miss your university parish)? So you'll be travelling to graduation and then on to the next trip with them? What is the next trip they want to take? Can you suggest that you all go to graduation together but that they go on to the trip and you go back home with friends/on the bus?

What are your options for Mass that weekend? Is there a very early Sunday Mass you can go to before leaving? Or Saturday evening after graduation? Is there a later one at your next destination that you can go to? Perhaps you can make plans to visit your old parish another time and figure out another arrangement for this weekend.


#4

Thanks for the replies..

well I think I won't make it to the vigil Mass because of the graduation.. I'm not sure I need to check. But on Sunday morning, they were going to leave for the other trip very early in the morning, before any of the Masses.


#5

Go to masstimes.org and check for a Sunday evening Mass at your destination.
Also, speak to your current pastor about this situation. He will probably have very good advice about balancing your obligation to attend Mass with your obligations to your parents.

I assume you will soon be working and if not out of you parent’s house, at least a lot more independent. Your graduation is a big deal and hopefully you’ll beable to work something out, but in the future you will need to ensure that you can get to Mass each week on your own.


#6

thanks..I'm just not sure if I'd be able to go to an evening Sunday Mass, since my family will probably be somewhere during that time (like having dinner, etc) and I don't think they'd let me travel in a new city to get to Mass. :( I can't drive. Hopefully this would work out somehow..


#7

If you’re dependent on your parents in this situation then you have fulfilled the obligation you have to tell them about your obligation for Sunday Mass. If you are able to go to a Saturday Vigil or make the mass by another means then your parents then you need to do so. The other thing you will want to keep in mind is that humility is not doormat-hood and that practicing your faith will mean you’re going to step on peoples toes. Our Lord made people upset and so it’s only logical that you will. It is impossible to make everyone happy. Don’t worry Monica God knows your hardship and it will not go unnoticed:

"And every one that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall possess life everlasting."--Matthew 19:29


#8

My husband is not Catholic, and was not raised with any religion in his home. He has never been anti-Catholic, but there are things that he didn't (doesn't) understand. For a very long time he would get irritated that I would have to go to Mass EVERY Sunday. He just figured I could miss one here and there and it would be fine. It's taken years, but he doesn't say it so much now. Still he tries to convince me that I could miss one if we are going away or something, and get a bit irritated if I take the time to find one when we're on holiday, but for the most part he accepts it. In fact he is planning to become Catholic sometime soonish.

You should never compromise your faith to make someone else happy. Your first obligation is to save your own soul. After that, it's to help others get to Heaven. I strongly suggest that the best way to witness to your parents is to be strong in your faith. Initially they may get annoyed and not understand why you are so unbending, but over time, God can use your sacrifice to work on them and hopefully, ultimately to win their hearts. Backing down will not make your mother like the Church.

I know it's hard, very hard, but take it from me, it's worth it. Ask God to give you the strength to stand firm and gently, lovingly explain that this is essential to your faith, and you would appreciate their support in the matter. If they refuse, and you have no other means to get to Mass, then your obligation is fulfilled.


#9

Your mother is acting like a spoiled child and trying to emotionally blackmail you.

Do what YOU know is the right thing to do.

And, no, whatever is going on with your mother is NOT your fault.


#10

My advice is short and sweet....Talk to your priest about this. He can give you the best advice and, if necessary, the dispensaton from your obligation that Sunday. You'll have to see him about the dispensation anyway, regardless of what we tell you here...

Peace
James


#11

work to find a solution if possible, but realize this: you aren't always going to be able to convince people that your faith is worth while. Sometimes you will have to fulfill your obligations to God regardless of what other people say. Jesus Himself wasn't even able to convince many people, and He performed miracles right before people's eyes! Sometimes you have to put the ball in their court and hope they do something with it


#12

JRKH,

Is that true? I didn’t realise you needed to go to a priest to get dispensation. I thought it was automatic. Thanks for that.


#13

It's nothing to do with you, it's not your fault your mother is excoriating you for trying to do the right thing. I don't know what her issues are, but you are doing the right thing by attending Mass. It's not even on the same day, there's no real reason what she can't support you at graduation and let you go to Mass too. You are at Calvary with our Saviour, don't let your mother's negativity spoil that.


#14

[quote="admonsta, post:12, topic:240560"]
JRKH,

Is that true? I didn't realise you needed to go to a priest to get dispensation. I thought it was automatic. Thanks for that.

[/quote]

You are welcome...
To clarify - If you know ahead of time that you are not going to be able to get to mass, it is always best to talk to your priest about it. This way you get the best advice and, if necessary, the "official okey-dokey".

If you do NOT know ahead of time, and miss mass, then you need a) Say a good act of contrition, and b) to go to confession and explain, even if you are certain that nothing could have been done differently.

Peace
James


#15

[quote="Monica4316, post:1, topic:240560"]
Hi,

I would appreciate any advice on this...

I feel like I am just causing my mom to dislike the Catholic Church. I am the only Catholic in my family. I am graduating in June and my family was planning on going to the graduation ceremony which is in another city... that is a Saturday, and then I was going to go to church there on Sunday (the church I used to attend when I went to university and I really miss that parish).

My mom told me today that her and dad were thinking of combining the trip to the city with another trip, and leaving there on Sunday morning..which means I wouldn't be able to fulfill my Sunday obligation. I told mom, I need to go to church.. and she got upset at me and the church and then told me that if I want to do it that way, I should just take the bus there and go to my graduation alone. She got really upset :( she talks really negatively about the Catholic Church sometimes. I am afraid it's my fault :(

well I was wondering... should I have simply agreed to go? I am not sure what to do now... I know I shouldn't miss church.. and I feel really sad because it's like I'm causing my mom to dislike Catholicism, but this happens just when I am trying to practice it and fulfill my obligations :( I really love my family and my parents but I know I can't put God second.. but is what I've done uncharitable????

does anyone have any advice? thank you!! God bless

[/quote]

I would obey your mother. Book a bus and go to your graduation alone. Don't say anything to your mother until the time comes for you to catch the bus. Then ask for a ride to the bus terminal. If they aren't able to drive you, call a taxi cab to get you to the bus terminal.

Don't raise your voice, don't lose your temper, don't turn this into a battle, and above all else, don't cry. Be calm, loving, and in control.

Tell your mother that her idea was very sensible and you decided to take her advice. Tell your parents that you hope they will drive to your graduation, but if they can't make it, that you will be thinking of them with love as you graduate.

They will get the message--that both your faith and your parents are important to you, but that your parents will not ever be allowed to prevent you from practicing your faith.


#16

[quote="Cat, post:15, topic:240560"]
I would obey your mother. Book a bus and go to your graduation alone. Don't say anything to your mother until the time comes for you to catch the bus. Then ask for a ride to the bus terminal. If they aren't able to drive you, call a taxi cab to get you to the bus terminal.

Don't raise your voice, don't lose your temper, don't turn this into a battle, and above all else, don't cry. Be calm, loving, and in control.

Tell your mother that her idea was very sensible and you decided to take her advice. Tell your parents that you hope they will drive to your graduation, but if they can't make it, that you will be thinking of them with love as you graduate.

They will get the message--that both your faith and your parents are important to you, but that your parents will not ever be allowed to prevent you from practicing your faith.

[/quote]

I like this, it is firm and it throws the ball back into their court. Surely they truly want to see you graduate so you do have that as leverage.


#17

[quote="Cat, post:15, topic:240560"]
I would obey your mother. Book a bus and go to your graduation alone. Don't say anything to your mother until the time comes for you to catch the bus. Then ask for a ride to the bus terminal. If they aren't able to drive you, call a taxi cab to get you to the bus terminal.

Don't raise your voice, don't lose your temper, don't turn this into a battle, and above all else, don't cry. Be calm, loving, and in control.

Tell your mother that her idea was very sensible and you decided to take her advice. Tell your parents that you hope they will drive to your graduation, but if they can't make it, that you will be thinking of them with love as you graduate.

They will get the message--that both your faith and your parents are important to you, but that your parents will not ever be allowed to prevent you from practicing your faith.

[/quote]

I think your advice really makes sense, - I agree with almost all of it but the part about taking the bus and not telling my mom until that day - that would create a huge family fight. That is just how it is in my family. I don't know if that makes sense. I wish I could explain. But I totally agree with not losing my temper, etc. God bless :)


#18

I know how you feel. I come from a strong atheist family who have no clue why I am a catholic and to be honest I don't either one day I just had this burning desire to go to church. from then on I became a catholic. My family have always mocked me about my beliefs sometimes when I pray they would come in and say stop wasting time or there goes your Imaginary friend (God). I love my family and would never turn my back on them but unlike them I have faith in the lord so I just carry on praying, carry on going to church. Hopefully my prayers will be answered and they to will kneel beside me so we can all pray to God.
Go to church give your mother time and I will pray for you in the hope your faith becomes stronger.:crossrc:


closed #19

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