I think it's way easier for women to be good catholics.. and that makes me jealous

Good afternoon.

As many other catholic men, I’m guilty of lust…it’s ridiculous because I read the Bible, attend mass at least 3 times a week, i pray the rosary, i go to confession weekly, etc… but i’m still guilty of lust… Women don’t deal with lust because they don’t have testosterone so it’s easy for them to be good Catholics and that’s something that makes me feel jealous. I think it’s kind of unfair that only men have to struggle with these temptations… Our Lady of Fatima said ""More souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other reason. " women don’t have to worry about those words since they don’t commit that type of sins…

i know that there are some catholic men who don’t deal with lust… but there are many catholic men who deal with lust.’

what are your thoughts?

God bless you

Many women do suffer from lust. Men are not the only ones with testosterone. Just not as much, however He has made sure that all persons of His Creation want to procreate.

Besides which, even if a few women don’t have to worry about lust then they are tempted in other ways. A sin is a sin is a sin. Do you think that lust is the only temptation? If you do then I envy you!

I’m a woman and I too suffer from lust. I left the church for many years and for the years that I was away from the church my husband and I had introduced pornography into our marriage. I’ve been back in the church for 3 years now and the porn is gone but unfortunately the many years that I allowed that filth into our lives created many bad habits that are hard to break. Unfortunately, even though I am a woman, I too understand the struggles that men experience with lust.

Obviously, I don’t believe in the concept of sin, much less that lust is a sin, but let me help you out with women.

I started masturbating at the age of 11. No, I was not exposed to porn-I actually didn’t see porn for the first time until I was 16 or 17. No, I was never sexually abused. Honestly, I just hit puberty before most kids my age and I had urges that I wanted a release for. I didn’t even know the words ‘masturbation’ and ‘orgasm’ until I had been experiencing them for quite some time! And what’s even crazier is that I’ve met a lot of women who had similar experiences. They started masturbating at a young age because they hit puberty (usually before boys) and it feels good.

It is not just men who have wants and needs. Now that I’m an old married lady, I actually have a higher sex drive than my testosterone-filled husband.

As I mentioned to you, this is a fallacy. While men are more visual to some degree women deal with lust to a great extent as well. Any confessor can tell you this without breaking the seal of confession. There is no need to be jealous because there are many women hooked on pornography and there are women involved in all aspects of pornography. As guys we need to find our own discipline but we cannot underestimate the struggles that women have in this area. Yup, men and women deal with this because it’s about men and women. God bless you my friend. :slight_smile:

Well, every human being struggles more with one sin or another. We have our individual weaknesses. Sure, the numbers would probably be higher of men having direct, straightforward difficulties with lust because of the anatomy being the way it is, and the visual stimulus business, all of that. But some women struggle that way too.

Here’s what many women probably struggle with in higher numbers than men - we are driven by biological and social factors to want to find a reliable man to bond with. We compare ourselves with our female peers, often relentlessly, judge our body image against theirs, and have to contend with envy of those girls the guys flock to. This is while we’re still young, early teens, and maybe still naive that there might be a reason some of those girls get the guys.

As we get a little bit older we become aware that some of the gals are getting boyfriends because they’re willing to be sexual with the boyfriends. And then whenever our turn comes and a guy starts showing romantic interest, then “stuff gets real” - between our own natural bonding hormones (oxytocin, etc.) that are there for the preservation of the species, and peer pressure, and fear of losing the guy, that’s when the challenge against temptation starts for us.

There are also factors that play a part into our 20s, 30s, and beyond. Some read too many romance novels or watch too many chick flicks - and some of those are racier than others. Even the not-so-racy ones cause a lot of gals to have unrealistic expectations and set themselves up for disappointment or dysfunctional relationships.

If we do hope to marry and have a family, sooner or later that biological clock starts ticking. Another thing to stress over, and potentially commit the sin of envy as we watch our girlfriends marrying and settling in to raise children. And then there’s the gossip and drama with other women, or fighting with the boyfriend yet never resolving anything, becoming bewildered and depressed but not coming any closer to a solution.

Sometimes we fall into even worse things, make bad choices such as allowing ourselves to be used and abused just to be able to say we have a boyfriend. Maybe getting into alcohol or drugs or promiscuity or eating disorders to numb our minds to the pain. These are all occasions of sin and pain.

Okay, not all of this happens to every woman - and some is worst-case scenario. But the point is simply that we all have our own crosses, our own temptations. And for male or female, of course the sins of lust are usually the most embarrassing ones to confess. So that in itself makes it difficult.

The good news is that there are more positive chastity and accountability resources available than there were when I and my peers were growing up - so don’t be afraid to make use of them, maybe then you won’t feel so burdened.

Have you ever been in the romance section at Barnes and Noble? Steamy stuff there. And it’s mostly women who read those. So yes, women do struggle with lust. It doesn’t look or probably feel exactly the same as it does with guys. But we still feel it.

There’s also other - equally deadly - sins that affect us. It’s not true that we are naturally better Catholics. Some of the cruelest people I’ve known were women. I wouldn’t be jealous at all.

Bottom line, all of us, men and women, are sinners and in need of God’s grace and forgiveness. Not all of us have exactly the same temptation, but we all are broken.

Oh good grief. Toss the testosterone argument. That’s just an excuse.

Women deal with lust ever bit as men. Most women I have known talk about how attractive a guy is based on the shape of his butt, or the amount of muscle mass he has, or how beautiful his eyes are. Get real.

Lust is lust. Gender is beside the point.

Well stated and so true. The sex drive is a strong one and sometimes I think we would be better off if we stopped making such a big deal out of a natural event. Maybe paying less attention to it would help people stop being obsessed about masturbation. Then when we/they decide to practice chastity it won’t be so intolerable.

I am single and a virgin. Remaining chaste is not an easy thing, as it does not imply my hormones stopped working, or my urges suddenly departed. It takes commitment and effort. That is why it is a sacrifice.


Women don’t deal with lust because they don’t have testosterone

is so not true!

I am woman, and I struggle with lust.

First, women DO have testosterone, just in much smaller dosages. That doesn’t mean that testosterone, and our other female hormones don’t affect our sexual desires. Do you think we don’t have sexual desire- both physical and emotional?!?
I think the media plays up that we don’t, but in reality, we do. It’s just not joked about in the same way.
As a woman, our “lust” can present itself differently, but it’s still lust. I think the temptation is often more emotional, but that doesn’t mean that physical lust is not present, nor that emotional lust is not equally as dangerous. Women can be conniving, manipulative, seducing, etc. when it comes to lust. That is pretty dangerous.
There are women who struggle with porn, masturbation, sex addiction, etc. as well.

In short, women struggle just as much as men with sin, and yes, even lust.

Dear catholicguy25,
I think, this is a case of —“The grass is always greener on the other side.”

Yep, they’re called “bodice rippers”. :eek:

I agree that men are more susceptible to that sin. That doesn’t mean women can’t have this lust, but men are more susceptible to it.
On the other hand, women are more susceptible other sins, most notably to gossip poisoning other’s reputations.
I have heard that women are the more religious sex, though I really am not sure what that would mean.
However, if it is harder for men to be religious, someone who fights the more to be closer to God can be holier. So if such a disadvantage does exist, men can be all the holier for overcoming it.
The Cure of Ars was upset when people cut pieces of his cossock off as he walked through crowds, saying they wanted to have a relic from him. The Cure said that they should seek to become holy themselves, then they would have relics. That is my own attitude–instead of being jealous someone is religious, we can deal with it by becoming religious ourselves. If it is harder (though I don’t really know if this is true for men), so much the more merit before God.

Hello Guy! When I was young, I like you struggled with lust. More correctly, I had lost my faith so I did not struggle, I gave in to desire and my base instincts. These things did not bring joy or meaning to my life but left me feeling guilty and ashamed. Not to mention the damage done to women who participated with me in degradation and impurity. It has been revealed to me that these behaviors and the desires from which they are derived come about from an emptiness in my spirit that should have been longing for the love of the Lord. Rather than be jealous of women because you don’t think they have the same capacity for lust, why not pray that you can focus on God’s love to overcome your emptiness? I am no saint, but I am truly amazed how the Holy Spirit has helped me as of late avoid temptations of the flesh. All we have to do is ask!

Well, maybe there are some things you just haven’t tried yet- like certain mortifications etc.

The pracitice of** custody of the eyes** is huge for me. I am a man with normal impulses and appetites, so for me, maintaining custody of the eyes is a very big part of my armor against this temptation.

It is good to ask for specfic Graces right before receiving communion. Maybe you could try that.

And making a holy hour might be helpful, too.

Fight valiantly because there is merit in fighting. What merit is there to be gained when temptation and trial are absent?

God Bless!

I dunno what kind of women you meet or know, but…OF COURSE women “deal with lust”. All the time. Every day. Every hour.
In fact, it’s more difficult for women to be “good Catholics” because not only do they have to deal with their own lust factor, but they are told to cover up their bodies and not inspire lust…and fend off men when they do…and take the blame for it, often.


Just as men are guilty of the sine of lust, women struggle with it too. There has been an increase in the numbers of women who get addicted to porn. I know I have struggled with that sin many years and i thank God that He has taken control over it.

I think women tend to be the victim of the sin of envy and vanity more than lust. You can see it everywhere, women are pressured to look a certain way. There is no appreciation of real beauty anymore, that us women are not good enough in our own skins. I know i am still struggling with envy often times. I think envy and vanity causes women to have eating disorders, get unnecessary cosmetic surgery, spend money on a lot of products. I have nothing against women wearing make up to look presentable or to take care of their skin, i know i do that…but i was more referring to being a little OCD on how we look.

I don’t think it’s good to compare crosses.It is really unfair. Accept them with humility and surrender them to God.

I certainly wouldn’t say its easier.

Those Catholic women have to put up with us Catholic men, for starters.

It never fails to make me curious as to why people try to say that males and females have equally intense sex drives. Perhaps it isn’t obvious in our sex crazed secular society where recreational sex is esteemed by both men and women … but to Catholics who highly value chastity, the struggle of males in this area seems so obvious.

Someone mentioned mortifications earlier and I know that St JPII practiced flagellation privately and temperately. St Francis of Assisi wore a hair rope around his waist against his skin to tame the impulses of the flesh.

Sexual sin has always been so physically loathsome to me and I think that comes from growing up with the image of Mary as the ideal of a woman. I experience intense gratitude for the grace to achieve self mastery and keep pure in that area. Looking at Mary and wanting to be like her in that way has never left me.

So OP, while jealousy per se is not good and its probably not really what you mean… your desire to be free from the prison of the flesh is a holy movement. I pray that you continue to pursue the chaste life and come to experience that freedom.

thank you to every person who shared his/her thoughts with me.

LongingSoul; as you, i fail to understand why some people think that males and females have the same levels of sex drive, that’s just nuts… i agree with your words “but to Catholics who highly value chastity, the struggle of males in this area seems so obvious.”
thank you for praying for me.

God bless you guys

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