I think my mom is overreacting or am I "underreacting"


#1

So my mom calls and offers to take the baby to her house for a week. My DD is 5 months old. I told her I really didn’t want to be away that long. She told me to think about it, so I did and still feel the same and she calls again today to ask again. I tell her again, no… then it comes out that both she and my sister think the baby isn’t getting enough attention because of her older siblings (5, 3 & 2 yrs). So that’s why mom offered, to give her some individual attention.

First, would you let your baby go for a week and second I think she get’s plenty of attention. She may not be being directly talked to or held all day but she is in the middle of all the action all the time.

Just wanting some opinions. BTW mom did offer to take one of the older kids for a weeks at a time, which I think is wonderful!


#2

Being a mother and a grandmother I can see her point and your point as well.
I may let her spend a night or two but it is important that she bonds with her other siblings and adjusts to life in your household.
It is wonderful for a child to have individual attention as well. It can help create a wonderful bond between a grandmother and a grandchild.


#3

Personally, I think that your mom is overreacting without knowing anymore details. Since they are YOUR kids, you can choose to do what you want with them i.e. if you want to let them go to your mom’s house or not.

She should not lay a guilt trip on you about it, that is not fair to you. At 5 months I think that your baby needs your attention more than your mom’s attention. If she wants to watch your baby for a little while, then maybe that is a consideration. Maybe she should offer to take the others.

I know that little babies (ones that are a few months old) do need 24/7 attention. I would think that you would have plenty of time to give the baby all the attention that she needs as well as the others.

Just my :twocents:


#4

You and your baby do not need to be separated for any length of time. These early months, as you’ve already experienced with your other children, are crucial for mother-child bonding. Your mom’s offer to take an older child, however, is a good one, but I wouldn’t make the stay longer than two-three days, especially for the younger ones who will be having the hardest time welcoming the baby and don’t need to think that you don’t want him/her around now. Also, would she be willing to spend time at your home for five days to help you where the help is really needed?


#5

Five months is too young, I think. My brother and SIL used to leave their babies with her parents for that long, at that age and even younger, and I could never understand it. There is no way I could be away from such a little one for so long. But then, I am regarded as the overprotective, militant breastfeeder, co-sleeping nutcase in my family, too. :wink: So my opinion is most likely skewed by all my wierdness.

That said, my oldest (9) is going to her third straight year of weeklong summer camp in a little more than a week from now. During that week, my in-laws take the other kids who are old enough, which we seem to have agreed is about 3 years. (They are weaned and at least partly potty trained by then.) This year will be the first time for the one who is just about to turn 3, and DH and I will be ALL ALONE for a whole week! :eek: If the little guy can handle it, that is. But he recently stayed for 3 days over spring break with his older siblings up there and did just fine.

The first year, or even two or three, are so short and so formative. That’s the time when attachment is happening, and I think we need to do all that we can to make sure it is very secure. After that, you have all the time in the world between 3 and 18 for them to spend lots of time with grandparents. After their time with my in laws in June, then my kids go spend a week of July with my dad and stepmom, and their really cool boat! So it’s not that I am against these kind of visits, just wait until they are old enough. Then there is no angst, everyone feels secure, and everyone can enjoy the visit and the change of pace without fear, tears, or anxiety.


#6

My mom is the same way. I was an only child, so I don’t think she can comprehend how I am able to pay attention to my huge horde of, yes, already three kids. :rolleyes: It’s the middle one, 2 yrs, that she wants to take all the time. She thinks the oldest, a boy, gets attention from dad, and the baby, who is 5mo and still nursing, gets all the attention from me, so obviously the 2yr never gets any attention at all. Riiiiiiiight. As if you could just stick a 2yr old in the corner and leave her there. :rolleyes: Anyway, do what you think is right, mama. Keep your baby. But I understand if you wouldn’t mind for one of the older kids to go visit. :wink:


#7

My mom passed away when I was a kid…I look at your story with a different vantage point. I would have loved what you have…and she won’t be around forever, so these things are not worth getting upset over…Unless of course you don’t want her to have the baby for a week, that is truly your option. But, I don’t see her as overreacting…she’s being a mom. She’s trying to help. Maybe say I’ll pick her up in 3 days (if that works for you)

Just remember…don’t sweat the small stuff.:thumbsup:


#8

I could not even imagine ever being away from one of my kids at that age for a week, or even over night for that matter. It would probably work out a lot better for one or more of your older kids to go and spend some special time with their grandma. They would get a lot more out of that than an infant would, and it would free up some time for you to spend with the baby. Developmentally it is not appropriate for an infant to be away from their mother for such an extended time, and it really surprises me that your mom wouldn’t know that.


#9

I didn’t want to leave my babies (when they were babies) either…I had a tough time even for overnights. (with well intentioned relatives):o


#10

to take the baby to her house for a week.
My DD is 5 months old

well each family is different I suppose, but that would get a resounding NO in my house. esp given the duration and age.


goodness, none of mine go to their grammy’s overnight until they are at least 4 yrs old and none of them have ever stayed away from home more than one night.


**heck, I haven’t spent more than one night away from home since they were born! They’ll be old enough when I’m old enough.:wink: **


the guilt trip would be a clincher for a no.
I wouldn’t send my kids to be with someone who is going to fill their heads with seeds of discontent for being in our family, whether the claim be against the first or the 8th.


I find it hard to believe that 5 month old isn’t getting lots of individual attention.


**Bridget just turned 1 year and I don’t think a day has gone by where she wasn’t the center of the world for at least 2 or 3 other people. Even if one of them isn’t mom or dad, we joke that we have to beat the older siblings off with a stick to get to her to ourselves!:smiley: Individual attention - what nonsense!:stuck_out_tongue: **


#11

Maybe she could take all the older kids so YOU can give the baby one on one attention :wink: . —KCT


#12

LOL–GOOD IDEA!!!:slight_smile:


#13

That seems like a more logical way to approach it.


#14

Ahhh! A 5 month old being away from the mother for a WEEK? Are you KIDDING me?

My 5 year old has been away from me a total of three nights (not in a row)- and one of those nights was because I was in the hospital, giving birth to her brother (age two, who has NEVER been away from me for more than 9 hours). I can’t imagine a week away at such a young age!


#15

That’s exactly what I said to her. But she couldn’t handle all three. The girls, maybe but not my son who is a human tornado:)

Thanks for the support. I just knew I wasn’t crazy;)

BTW, I’m not upset or anything. This is just my mom. My husband says she is the type to kill you with kindness. She is always trying to do the right thing even it comes off as being too nosey(sp) or a busybody (of which my husband thinks she is both). I’m always saying, “But honey, she’s just trying to help”


#16

speaking from the grandma’s point of view, if I thought DD was not giving the baby enough attention, I would offer to take the 3 older ones off her hands for a week. It would probably send me to the hospital or the funny farm, but if she can handle it I guess I could to it with grandpa to help me.


#17

Today was the 1st day my 1 year old was watched by someone other than my husband, myself or one of her grandparents and that was only for the day because of an emergency. I can’t imagine being apart from my little one for a whole week.
I’m sure your mom is well intentioned but 5 months old IMO need the structure and routine of their own home bases. I think you and your husband are the best ones to know when she is ready for an overnight which should be the first step before a whole week away. If you don’t feel like she’s ready until she’s 5 years old then that’s your call.


#18

5 months is too young for a week. I would love to have someone offer something like that because it is a kind jesture, but not for my baby at that age. And speaking from experience in having to leave my child with people for weeks at a time at that age (I was in the Army when I had my first and when she was just barely four months old, I had to buy my mom a plane ticket to Germany to come babysit for a week and a half because I was going to the field). It really isn’t beneficial to either mother or child to be away for that length of time at that age. I missed my oldest rolling over for the first time because of that trip.

We get people that tell us that our fourth won’t get the proper attention and I do have to chuckle because what child does NOT get “proper attention” in a house full of kids? There is always at least one sibling, if not a parent, with the baby when the baby is awake and not nursing.


#19

Plus, I think a fourth child actually gets wayyyyy more attention than a first or an only child, just not necessarily from their mom or their dad. Their older siblings are always talking to them, poking at them, pulling on them…They get so much more stimulation and attention than babies who only have mom and dad around.


#20

Send one of the older kids. The baby is too young to be away from home for that long (unless it was unavoidable, obviously), and the older kids will have loads of fun. I used to spend weekends with my grandparents when I was a child (meaning at least 2 or 3), and now have such fond memories of those times. Grandma and Grandpa’s home was the only place where my parents could drop me off and be sure I wasn’t crying when they left.


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