I think we hurt our priest's feelings


A couple weeks ago our parish hosted a Mass honoring an anniversary of the Retrouvaille program in our diocese, and we decided to go as a way of confirming our commitment to the process. Our parish priest - who is one of the priests who facilitates the Retrouvaille weekends - presided at the Mass. At the reception following the Mass, my husband made small talk with our priest. On the way home, my husband mentioned that our priest looked sad or something because we had attended a weekend (in 2008) and he hadn’t known about it before now. The reasons we didn’t contact him (or the deacon who did our marriage prep) when we originally had our problems is 1) we had already been in marriage counseling, and 2) been were able to attend a Retrouvaille weekend within a couple of weeks after we decided to give it a try before separating. Unfortunately, my husband wasn’t able to explain this to our priest that night.

Should we let it drop and hope he isn’t too hurt by us not telling him about going to a weekend? Or should we go to our priest and tell him the whole story and hope he understands? Or is there any other way to smooth things over with him?


Hi, Im not sure how you should deal with this but i know if it were me i would go and explain and of course he will understand. Not talking to him about it now that he knows will probably hurt him so dont ignore it go talk about it get it sorted then you will feel alot better. He will understan if you just tell him the truth. Goodluck.:frowning:


As it isn't good for you to be feeling troubled and may make you feel awkward when you encounter your priest in the future,
in addition to the concern about his feelings,
it's probably a good idea just to explain.
Even if he isn't upset, at least that will clear the air for you and your husband.
God bless.


*Hi Catholic_Wife;

I agree with the above posters...but, I don't understand why he would be upset? :confused:*


Would it be possible for you to mention it again in a way that might be positive and supporting while putting a few seeds of explanation out there too? Maybe tell him how you think it’s great he is involved in the program because you know first hand the value of it, and gee, it would have been so nice if, at that critical time in your lives, you could have done your retreat with him?


My husband and I attended a Retrouvaille weekend in September and I never even considered telling my parish priest except to let him know how wonderful it was and that it would be something he could recommend to others. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it. Could your husband have misread the priest's body language?


[quote="whatevergirl, post:4, topic:177221"]
*Hi Catholic_Wife;

I agree with the above posters...but, I don't understand why he would be upset? :confused:*


Priests are human beings just as we are - and just as we would be upset or hurt momentarily if our children needed help and didn't come to us - our parish priests may also feel the same way - especially if the program is their pet project. We do call them Father because they are the shepherds which tend our flock. Now all that being said I am sure that he probably felt that way momentarily and probably more was hurt in wondering why you weren't close enough to him at the time to have mentioned you were having problems b/c jus tlike any other human being sometimes they get self-concious too. Besides how often do we really go out of our way to say thank you to priests for the little things that they do when there is not a crisis of faith in our lives. Just some thoughts. When we put people on pedestals they tend to fall of them.


[quote="samovila, post:6, topic:177221"]
Could your husband have misread the priest's body language?


This is entirely possible, since he's not the best at "reading" people.

[quote="whatevergirl, post:4, topic:177221"]
* I don't understand why he would be upset? :confused:*


Like joandarc mentioned, priests are human, too. Maybe he was sad that one of the most active couples in his parish had marital problems that he didn't know about? Maybe he thinks he somehow "failed" or failed us because we didn't go to see him first?


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