I told my husband I feel harrassed by a man at church, but he continues to befriend him


#21

[quote="rayne89, post:20, topic:229384"]
Some people have a strong "inner radar" that sense when something is wrong. Others do not. Reading the original post this woman is sensing something is wrong -even if it only seems like unwanted hugs & uncomfortable looks. She knows something is off even if there aren't the right words to describe it. The fact the her husband is not stepping in when generally speaking men are natural protectors is giving this guy a green light.

Only twice in my life have I ignored that inner radar thinking I was over reacting and both times I should have trusted my gut. Not everyone has that instinct because I have seen women get into dangerous situations completely oblivious and I think how could alarm bells not have been going off?

The OP may have been raised like many women to be polite & accommodating and while she would do well to not worry about this man's feelings who is holding her figuratively hostage -her husband would send a far stronger message by stepping in.

[/quote]

:thumbsup: Many people desensitize their inner guts in various ways (usually by being too busy to stop and reflect daily, never learning to really listen). I think that is why children have a better sense on who to trust and who not to trust than adults. When one slows down their life it is easier to see things that aren't right and to hear that inner voice that screams out, "this is not right" or "run!"


#22

[quote="nickybr38, post:18, topic:229384"]
He could suffer from any number of social problems. He may need her to say the words aloud, it could be physical cues are not enough for him. I've known people like this, and usually you have to be very clear and very verbal to get the point across.

[/quote]

That is very likely that he suffers from a lot of problems.
But that still doesn't excuse his behaviour, especially not the tear jerker story about being terminal ill with cancer.

The OP has every right to be upset, when somebody doesn't respect her boundries and touches her at every opportunity he gets, although she already made it clear, that she doesn't want to be touched.

And her husband should step in and make clear that she is a married woman.


#23

Tell your husband that you are completely uncomfortable and that if he will not step in you will be attending a different mass. That should make him realize the gravity of the situation. Better to be safe than sorry.


#24

Wondering what came of this?


#25

I would also like to hear from the OP about what happened?

Years ago when I was young and naive, I worked in an office and the receptionist told the office her cancer had returned. We all jumped to help her, I drove her to and from her doctor appointments and I did everything I could to help her. It turned out, after months of wondering who had stolen my checkbook from my desk (and another person's), that it was this woman who "claimed" she had cancer had actually been preying upon us all.

I find the OP's story of what this man said about having cancer to be suspicious.

I'm wondering, if he makes you so uncomfortable, is he doing this behavior with your husband? I did not see this question asked, but if you are uncomfortable, it seems to me that if it only occurs with you, and not your husband specifically, then you have a very big issue that should be dealt with immediately. I agree with you that your husband should do it as he invited this person into your lives and now it is his responsibility to stand up for you and protect you, but he clearly isn't, so you will have to do this yourself.

A serious sit-down talk with your husband is in order and if he still does not agree that your feelings are the most important issue (not to mention your safety), then there might be much deeper problems between you two in your marriage.

Can you update us on this??


#26

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