TarAshley, I know you want to do the right thing. I have found in low spots that it does not hurt to remember that we are obligated to do the right thing (underline mine):
**Canon 1056 The essential properties of marriage are unity and indissolubility; in christian marriage they acquire a distinctive firmness by reason of the sacrament.
Canon 1057.2 Matrimonial consent is an act of will by which a man and a woman by an irrevocable covenant mutually give and accept one another for the purpose of establishing a marriage.
Canon 1060 Marriage enjoys the favour of law. Consequently, in doubt the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven.
Canon 1065.2 So that the sacrament of marriage may be fruitfully received, spouses are earnestly recommended that they approach the sacraments of penance and the blessed Eucharist.
Canon 1141 A marriage which is ratified and consummated cannot be dissolved by any human power or by any cause other than death.
Canon 1151 Spouses have the obligation and the right to maintain their common conjugal life, unless a lawful reason excuses them.**
Obviously, that is just a selection from canon law. I put in Canon 1065 because I've found that a habit of regular confession--my confessor recommends every 3-4 weeks, in general, assuming the person is not aware of having committed a mortal sin--is a great help in formation of conscience and access to the graces needed for marriage. Likewise, the Eucharist is the source and the summit of the Christian life. To sustain a Catholic marriage without the Eucharist is like sustaining life without food, water, or air. It is like trying to colonize Mars. Who would choose that, when they can live in the beautiful arms of the Earth?
TarAshley, you have promised before God to put the endurance and fruitfulness of your marriage before all else....even before a job you love. I am married to someone in emergency medicine. My husband's job asks for a lot of sacrifices from me, from our kids. I can only do it because I look at what he does as what we do. Otherwise, I cannot imagine how I would resent his work. I know many people in emergency medicine who wound up divorced. What our family has never happens by accident. It is a labor of love, and the compromises go both ways, but it is a labor that we are obligated by our marriage vows to do. Even if your current marriage were to have been invalid: If you do not learn how to include your husband in the life you have at work in a way that ultimately puts your marriage first, that makes your work the fruit of your marriage and not a competitor with it, you will not find a marriage that is going to last, not even with someone else in emergency medicine.
Your job won't be there for you in your old age. It won't hold your hand on your death bed. It won't give you children or grandchildren. I know it is hard to see, because you are having a hard time with your husband and your job is giving you consolations, but: Your husband is more important than your job. Furthermore, he is never going to be the support for your job that you need until you get that priority straight yourself. You aren't hearing this from someone with a theory. I've been married to someone in emergency medicine for over 20 years. We are the exception, and we are the exception because of acts of will we both make in favor of our marriage.
Obligation and intention do not supply ability. You need help. I very much suspect that a priest who heard your story might suggest that you see a counsellor immediately. I know people who work in emergency medicine and who train paramedics. It is not sustainable for a person working in emergency medicine to feel "The only place I feel whole is at work." You absolutely must have somewhere outside of work to re-charge. You have to have healthy relationships to keep going.
Do not get me wrong; it is understandable to find work in emergency medicine very fulfilling. You literally save lives and preserve quality of life every day. Nevertheless, you also know it is a job in which you see people in great difficulty on a regular basis, many of which are difficulties that no medic, no ED, no surgeon, and no ICU can fix. Too many have problems that put them on a treadmill with only you between them a speedier conclusion to their slow march towards self-destruction. You know the side of the general public that you see. Most people you transport are not ready to deliver a baby. They and their families are under a lot of stress, and not the good kind. You often get the brunt of it. This takes its toll. As I pointed out, the divorce rate in emergency medicine is high. This is no big surprise, as both police work and medicine in general have high divorce rates.
When you go looking for a counsellor, ask for a recommendation from your supervisor or chaplain. It is very important that you find someone who has experience in helping with the particular issues faced by medics. This is not something that will lower you the eyes of those who supervise you. It is a very big topic in the field right now. Seeking help will mark you as someone wise enough to keep herself and her career healthy on a long-term basis. Don't delay. Get help now.