I wasn't ready to lose her


#1

My mom has been sick for years. She has stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver, and she has never had alcohol. The doctors told us she would last ling, but it has been a five year battle. The week before Mother’s day she was admitted into the hospital. They told us to prepare for the worst. Then, after 5 days of hell she woke up. She was our mom again. Then on Tuesday, she fell ill again. On the 4th of August, she passed away. How do i let her go? How do I help my children get through this? How do i not get mad at God? There are so many emotions and felings? All i know now is that miss her and i would give anything for one more day with her.


#2

Well, having lost my parents, the only advice I can give you is, turn to the Blessed Mother in prayer.

Who knows about losing her son in a most unjust way.

Ask for her help.

Jim


#3

I’m very sorry for your loss. That’s rough. I’ll say a prayer for your mom.


#4

Thank you. That means alot


#5

Thank you. I have been, probably not enough. But i think you are right. I need to turn to God and Blessed Mother Mary more.


#6

I’ll pray for you as well !

God Bless
Jim


#7

Thank you. I need all the prayer i can get


#8

Sending my prayers out for you and your family in this rough time. So sorry for your loss. I have not lost a parent but lost people really close to me. It is hard. All I know is one day I will see them again. You will see your mum again one day. Hope that helps in some small way. God Bless you


#9

In many ways it might be easier for your children. They don’t have the length of history, depth of relationship, and details of her illnesses you do. Your feelings are normal of course. Admittedly I have yet to loose my parents nor see them have any deadly illness. Maybe you can take solace in the fact that she is not suffering any more. Celebrate who she was and maybe reflect on how she may be living on in the way she raised you and the spiritual gifts she gave you.

Death is of course part of life. Unfortunately this is something we don’t talk about enough today. My spouse is a pastor and sees the result of this at many people’s funerals. One gift you might be able to give your kids is how you deal with your loss. My grandmother developed rectal cancer after a full life but relatively young age. She did not respond well to chemotherapy and decided living her final year peacefully and not ravaged by very aggressive chemotherapy that had a very low chance of success. She stayed active and I still remember her saying “To do nothing is not for me” (English was not her first language). Their example I think will make it easier to lose people like my parents and that was a great gift.


#10

I don’t know if I have answers for you, but I can relate.

My mother was a healthy, active 73 year old (she was even still working) when she was diagnosed with stage 2b melanoma in October 2011. She had none of the usual risk factors that people think of when they think of melanoma. She didn’t sunbathe, she never used a tanning bed, she had dark eyes, dark hair, and olive skin. She endured 3 resection operations and was on immunotherapy. Her PET scan in March 2012 showed no evidence of disease. How thrilled we all were, and thankful to God! But, she got very sick in June. On her 74th birthday, we learned that she had multiple inoperable lesions on her liver. It was now terminal. After being in the hospital for several weeks, she came home and started a new treatment with a drug that had recently been approved for Stage 4 melanoma. In early August 2012, new scans showed that the tumors were shrinking. Again, we were so thankful. On August 29th, though still not feeling well, she had some friends visit. I vividly remember how vibrant my mom was. She was like herself again; it was like she wasn’t even sick. On the morning of August 30th, she took a few steps from her bed and fell down with a massive heart attack. She died in the hospital that night.

I look for the mercies and graces that God showed us through this ordeal, and there were many. Mostly that she didn’t suffer as people dying of melanoma do. I’m thankful for the wonderful last day she had. I wasn’t ready to lose her either, and I so wish that things had been different. But I can’t change it. My heart will never completely heal from losing her, but through prayer and the mercy of God, I’ve found a way to go on. You will be able to do the same. Your loss is very, very new. Please give yourself time to grieve.

I pray that God grants your mother blessed repose and eternal memory.

Vicnaja pamjat, Vicnaja pamjat. Blazennyj pokoj; vicnaja jej pamjat


#11

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

So sorry for your loss. Just know that though you have sorrow now, our great God and comforter will be with you and your family and shall redeem us from death through his son Jesus Christ.


#12

You are in my prayers. Please pray for me.


#13

I can’t help you with all of that, but I would suggest first that you pray for your mother.

Eternal rest grant unto Vikki’s Mom, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon her.
May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy of God, rest in peace.

You could also pray to your mother. I often do this. I haven’t stopped praying to God for my Mom’s spiritual benefit, in case she is still in Purgatory, but I also ask her directly, if she is already among the saints in heaven, to pray for me and my family, especially for our spiritual good.

I will again pray for your mother, and for you and your family.

:sparkling_heart:


#14

Grief is a process. You might find some of C S Lewis’ work on Grief to help. Dr Kreeft has written a good book about heaven.

For you, for your kids (there is both an adult and a child’s version) I recommend:

https://www.amazon.com/Travel-Guide-Heaven-Anthony-DeStefano-ebook/dp/B000FBJAQ4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1533682618&sr=8-1&keywords=travel+guide+to+heaven


#15

I’m praying for you! God bless and give you strength!


#16

So sorry for your loss. I will be a mess when I lose my mom. I heard a deacon say that when our loved ones die, they go to be with God, and God is everywhere. She is still with you. You are in my prayers.


#17

My sympathies are with you. I lost my mother in 1986 when I was 24. She was my best friend.

It is still so raw for you. Cry and sob whenever you have to, even if you have to drive to an empty parking lot to do it and let it out in your car. Scream as loud as you want. Wail. It helps…some. Your support system will still be there, fading back after a while, but it will feel as if they are not there because you just want her back and for your life to be back to normal.

Do this AS LONG AS YOU NEED TO. Don’t let anyone try to shorten your grieving process. I still have some crying jags even after 32 years. Not often, but sometimes.

It’s not pretty or fun, this process. I tell people in a kind way that the passage of time is the only thing that can minimize the pain. And as my aunt/godmother once told me, it’s really such a short amount of time considering that with God’s grace, we will live in eternity with them someday.

Grief sucks. Know that you have so many people that pray for you, your fellow Catholics here included. And as much as I hated hearing this when I was going through it, you are stronger than you know. I love you, my fellow sister in Christ. Peace be with you.


#18

God bless you and your family @Vikki2973 . :pray:

I have lost both my parents .

Everyone grieves differently because we are all unique , unrepeatable persons .

Just take one day as it comes . It is hard .


#19

So sorry to hear of your dear mum passing on,and the pain of separation you are going through :confused:
Will pray for you and your family,God bless.


#20

I am so sorry for your loss. I’ll pray for your mother’s soul and for the consolation of your family
:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2:

The way you grieve is day by day.
Don’t push away your emotions, they’re there for a reason.
Of you get mad at God, just tell Him—He can take it. “I miss my mother and I’m angry at You”. Then release the situation to Him.

Please make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Getting the proper balance of sleep, exercise, fresh air, proper food. Try to avoid alcohol. Don’t seclude yourself in your grief, reach out to your family and friends. Take it easy on yourself.
Maybe journaling will help.

I’m so sorry. :cry:


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