Well I’ve been married for 13 years and just when I think I’m accepted something happens. He cursed me out in front of my son in the driveway. He has done this from time to time anytime he has had an excuse.
You didn’t mention that he was abusive to you in your OP.
Even so, when he ran his hands through his hair and started screaming when you announced your engagement, that didn’t give you a clue that this guy didn’t like you? Marriage is not a magic wand, POOF!, and suddenly because you’ve vowed their daughter your love and life, they accept you.
You need to have a very long talk with your wife.
And no, you do not have to see them. And no, you do not have to let your children into abuse, or see you abused- esp. if it was YOUR driveway. You have every right to tell him, if it’s your driveway, “Excuse me, but until you can treat me civilly, it’s time to go, now.” And if it’s his driveway, you have every right to say, “We’re going home now” and get out of there, with your family in tow. And you have every right to expect your wife to back you up. And you have every right not to have to go over there if they abuse you.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it yet again: You don’t owe them your marriage, and you don’t owe them your servitude. You owe them: Prayer; to make sure they are fed if they have no food (does not mean money, nor does it mean steak for them while you eat rice n’ beans- and not necessarily at your table, if they behave that way); to make sure they are clothed if they have none (and not designer while you guys wear Goodwill rejects); to make sure they have a place to live if homeless (does not mean you have to fund it, does not mean it has to be your place, does not mean they live in a palace while you live in a slum).
You know the books, igator: God Help Me and Boundaries.