I would like to help at least little bit to a family I was working for


#1

Hi,
I simply don’t know how I can help to a family where I was working as an Mother’s help for 18 months. I feel, however, they need help.

I already wrote some threads how they treated me because I’m a Catholic and they are from Church of Scotland. Sadly, it is only the tip of iceberg. You can have a look: forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=180910&highlight=chrpenka

I left that family 8 months ago. They found another helper - they have got 5 small children, so it is understandable.

However, I would like to write these two examples to put it near. I was lucky to get in touch with this helper, a woman from Eastern Europe, and the family don’t know we are in a touch.
She told me that the mother of the family doesn’t knock the door and enters her room whenever she likes. And I know what it is like, I experienced the same…
Another example. I knew that the mother is not dressed at all when she helps to dress her children in the morning. But what happened now: the mother decided to go for 3 day holiday with children and the helper without her husband. They were at the river/lake. Children wanted to go into water. What the mother did was that she undressed herself completely in front of the children and the helper and encouraged children to go into water too. The water was too cold for them, so they did not go.

My friend, the helper, doesn’t speak about this to anyone. The reason is not only her vey basic (lower intermediate) English. When I was in her situation I did the same. I did not speak about it. People did ask me “how are you” question but I felt that most of them did not really want to hear about yet another problem, because everyone is tackling with their own problems.

However, I stayed with this family for 18! months and I love them so much. I would like to help at least to children if I cannot help to parents. Any discussion or dialoque with the mother were in vain.
Talking about it with my friend who works in councelling, she pointed out a good point. That the mother instead of solving her own problems, which seem to be quite deep, she is concentrating on problems of others. She criticises the problems of others and looks down on others.

Sadly, one more and the last example. I was also told by the mother this: “I’m so happy that your mother already died and she cannot see now how bad you behave.”

Anyway, in case you understand the situation (I am aware it might not be crystal clear from my writing) do you have any idea, suggestion, please, what I could do for children & parents of this family? To whom to speak about it with confidentiality and possibly to find any good way of help?


#2

I can only pray for this family with you. The family, the mother need God’s help.

May God guide you if there is anything possible that can be achieved.
Trishie


#3

Yes, please. Pray with me for them and bless every situation which is very wrong there.
:signofcross: :yup:
My friends, one of whom is the councellor, told me the same. That the only way of help to them is a prayer.

It is hard for me to do “nothing” and only to pray for them, when I know what is happening there. It is also my faith that needs to be deepend. I should be more sure that this “nothing” = prayers can actually change a lot.

Thank you and please, pray with me for them.


#4

So…it seems the main problem is not that she beats or neglects her children, but that she ‘undresses in front of them’? If that’s ALL…nobody is going to call Social Services for that! She may simply be very comfortable with her own body and wants the children to grow up feeling comfortable with theirs…:shrug:

Perhaps in the Czech Republic people are different, and that could be the problem. Personally I wouldn’t employ a nanny from Eastern Europe for that reason: sensibilities and customs ARE different over there (I have Romanian and Bulgarian ‘family’, girls who married into our family and their ideas about how to raise children and what is decent and proper are VERY different from what I consider decent and proper, I can tell you that much!). My advice to the family would be to get a British/US/NZ or Australian nanny…they’d have more in common, it’s as simple as that.


#5

Anna, thank you for your posting.
I’m afraid that it is not the main and only problem that she undressed in front of the children & the helper. I would not be writing only because of this.

I wrote only two examples (in fact tree, the third is my own experience) to put nearer the whole situation and I was aware it might not be crystal clear after describing only these two examples. I’m sure that it is not normal even in Britain or anywhere else in the world to enter the room of her helper without knocking whenever the mother likes.
I can discuss more examples with you, if you like, to get a better grip of it.

God bless :slight_smile:


#6

From what I understand, the custom in some European countries regarding swimming is much different than the USA… it is perfectly acceptable in some areas to be topless or even completely nude.

As far as entering the helpers room anytime she wants, she may feel that this is her house and she has the right to… not meaning anything malicious or demeaning to the helper. I think it would help if the current helper sat down and talked to her about how uncomfortable it makes her feel when this happens but other than that, I don’t see anything that will change the actions of this woman…


#7

I’d certainly take the stance ‘My house, my rules’, so if I had a nanny I would enter her room, just to make sure the room was in a fit state and the nanny wasn’t secretly smoking/drinking etc (I"ve heard stories…). I wouldn’t just barge in in the middle of the night, but if she was in her room during the day, I’d pop in to say ‘Why don’t you come downstairs with us’.

As for nude swimming, there are a lot of nudist beaches and the nudist movement still has a lot of members here in Britain, to be honest…my daughters see me in my underwear in the morning, and the get in the bath with me sometimes, infact it’s recommended by midwives and healthvisitors up and down the country to take young children (until about 8 or 9) into the bath with you, so they can see what other bodies look like and be comfortable with it!

You know, I really do feel this is a cultural thing to a large extend, and for the OP it must be ‘Gosh, what do these weird Scots get upto’, but unless there is serious abuse going on, I really would leave it alone…especially as you are no longer working there.


#8

As I can’t send you a private message, I’m sending here what I just wrote:

Dear Anna,

thank you for your posting. I would like to write you some more words by this way, the private message.

Honestly, I do feel that what you are responding to me is the problem of “Eastern Europe” nanny issue. I respect with no problems your view of being nude infront of your children. Why not.
Because you have an experience with a girl/women from Eastern Europe who married into your family, you have your own experience. I respect that this experience might not be only positive, though.
To this East versus West habits/opinions I would have this question. Does it automatically mean that Eastern Europe values are something less (or more) than West Europe values? It would be worth to say some example to be clear, but this is not the main issue why I wrote my thread.

I don’t like that someone has a pitty on me bacause of my mum’s death. However, what you would respond to this?

Sorry to giving you one more question. You wrote that in case having a nanny you:

I know myself and I know my friend who is in that family at this moment. I always did my duties and went even further and I did more extra work as well. Not for money, but because I really liked them. Despite this, the mother was entering my room in my free time. There was no privacy. But my question: if you were in the situation of the nanny and you did all your duties, would not seem this entering your room as a lack of confidence in you?

Anyway, thank you for what you already posted. And thank you if you pray with me for this family. :wink:

P.S.: Sorry for my English…


#9

When you have an Nanny in your home and especially one from another country, there are contracts that are signed. One rule is that the employer CANNOT enter the Employees room without knocking. It is no longer a matter of “It is my home” you have taken on the responsiblity of employing someone to live in your home. Their room is essentially off limits to you, unless you have very good evidence that something harmfull may be going on.

By the way I am from Scotland and that behaviour is not cultural, I would never walk around nude in front of my children. Nor did my parents and I have never heard of it.


#10

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