Ok so this is the weirdest circumstances that I could ever find myself in.So last night I was really tired and I was praying while holding my rosary I and the crucifix was turning away from me as if turning its back on me in a an absolute dumb tired moment of idiocy I thought “no please don’t turn away have mercy on me” or something of that nature and actually got sad that it turned around and I even fumbled around to make it so it looked at me and I know this is weird and dumb but please can someone help?After a couple seconds I reminded myself it’s not him that it’s just an image but is this sinful?I just don’t know…
I kiss my crucifix ring sometimes and say “My Lord Jesus” I know the ring is not really God. I would not worry about what you describe. But perhaps I would worry about getting a spiritual director for scruples if stuff like this happens often to you.
It’s not sinful. You were tired and your imagination was running away with you.
Just remind yourself that Jesus NEVER turns away from you. NEVER.
I’ve sometimes had such a despairing thought over very little also…like last week when I went to a church that had a Porta Sancta holy door for a jubilee. I wanted to walk through the Porta Sancta to make sure I got the indulgence, but it was locked from outside. Then when I was passing the door, someone opened it from inside just about 6 inches and I grabbed the handle hoping I could get through the door, but the person didn’t see me and was probably locking up and just closed it in my face. I thought for a minute, “God has slammed his door of Mercy in my face, God has no mercy for me.” Which was ridiculous.
I later looked and the diocesan rules for the indulgence didn’t specifically require you to go through the door, just “visit the church” (they probably realized the big door might often be locked because the church is in a bad neighborhood, and people are supposed to go in a side door, which I did). And in any event, God wouldn’t deny me either His Mercy or deny me an indulgence on the technicality of a locked door when like I said I went in the church through the side door, prayed, and attended Mass.
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