If a man struggles with sexual urges, should he marry just to so having sex is no longer a sin in the eyes of God?


#1

1 Corinthians 7:9 “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

If a man struggles with sexual urges, should he marry just to so having sex is no longer a sin in the eyes of God?

That is what I read of this passage.

Is it also true what I have heard from old people? That when a couple gets married, they do not love each other. They are supposed to learn to love each other after years of marriage overtime?

Love (the feelings that people might have for each other) should have nothing to do with who we marry at first? Should we marry based on preventing our sexual urges from being sinful?


#2

Loving someone in the Christian sense takes practice in general.


#3

In the Christian sense shouldn’t we love everyone? Even our enemies?


#4

I’ve always taken that passage to mean that we should find someone to care about and love, or marry the person we are already seeing that we love, rather than just burn with passion. But yes, God didn’t define the sacrament or state of marriage as being based on love, or passion either. It’s a physical reality whether you love each other or not. But in this day and age, usually there is no sense in marrying someone we don’t love since arranged marriages are mostly a thing of the past. Since marriage is forever you should take care to marry someone you think you will be happy with in the long run.


#5

Yes.


#6

Interesting thoughts. Love can be loosely defined. I have never met anyone worth marrying.

Women I have dated tend to become annoying overtime or get in my way (they hold me back from my life goals, want to stay stuck, etc.)


#7

I doubt this is a truly Catholic response, but don’t get married just to have sex acceptable in the eyes of the Church. Extra marital sex (unmarried), in my opinion, is far better than establishing what is supposed to be a permanent bond with a spouse just to alleviate sexual urges. There is SO much more to marriage than sex.


#8

This is something he should discern through continuous prayer, meditation, and spiritual direction.

Love means that you will the good of the other. A man with a well-formed conscience and a desire to follow God’s will can make the choice of loving the woman that he marries, or vice versa for women.

And yes, those words in Corinthians are permanently etched in Scripture until the end of time. Whatever high and self-congratulatory opinions we might have of ourselves, we are mortal creatures with bodies and an important part of marriage is to properly channel those urges in a way that is life-giving and life-loving. Those urges can be used towards good or towards evil. Recent news ought to make that obvious enough.


#9

I think there’s a difference between “can’t stand the wish to live physical sexuality at all” (in comparison to a monk for example) - here scripture tells us that marriage is a proper way to go- and “can’t stand the wish to engage in certain sexual acts/perversions like pornography etc.” - here I would say marriage is not the solution as the only result would be two damaged spouses. First, get over porn/promiscuity/ excessive lust, and when only the wish to live sexuality at all remained, then seek marriage.


#10

I used to feel this way. Most of the time it indicates that you aren’t worth marrying. You attract your equals for the most part


#11

St. Paul advises people in 1 Cor. 7:33 that too often a married person puts other things before the work of the Lord. it is better to marry than to burn does not apply to those under vows not to marry, who will be given the power to remain continent, but to others that are unmarried.

1 Cor 7: 32 But I would have you to be without solicitude. He that is without a wife, is solicitous for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please God.

And

1 Cor 6: 9 Know you not that the unjust shall not possess the kingdom of God? Do not err: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, 10 Nor the effeminate, nor liers with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor railers, nor extortioners, shall possess the kingdom of God. 11 And such some of you were; but you are washed, but you are sanctified, but you are justified in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the Spirit of our God

For the married:

1 Cor 7: 5 Defraud not one another, except, perhaps, by consent, for a time, that you may give yourselves to prayer; and return together again, lest Satan tempt you for your incontinency.

and for the unmarried

1 Cor 7: 25 Now concerning virgins, I have no commandment of the Lord; but I give counsel, as having obtained mercy of the Lord, to be faithful. 26 I think therefore that this is good for the present necessity, that it is good for a man so to be.


#12

It depends on what you mean here. For some people, the kind of urges they mean are not remedied by a spouse, and they will continue after marriage. Then marriage is a bad idea until the problem is resolved, since those types of issues are very hard on a marriage.

I’d consider carefully what my gifts are and where my vocation lies. Pray about it, and talking to people in both vocations or a vocation director might help.

I don’t know about other people, but it seems to me that love grows and changes over time. Not that there is anything stopping a younger couple from deeply loving.


#13

Ouch. Harsh…


#14

i’ve just noticed that men and women who are good catches themselves never seem to complain about finding someone?


#15

I didn’t say it wasn’t true…


#16

Since you are being blunt, I’ll be blunt back:

This says more about you than about them. 🤷


#17

Wow, that would be such a romantic proposal! “Jane, I need someone to legally have sex with. Will you marry me?”
:roll_eyes:


#18

It seems that these days we are encouraged to value self over all. Marriage should not be about, “how can this benefit me, how can this person add value to my life, how will this fulfill me?”


#19

I think that Bible quote might have been relevant at the time it is written, but today, it represents a myth about marriage. Marriage does not solve all your issues about lust. And it treats the wife as a sexual object, which is wrong. It also assumes the wife is going to be available and willing to have sex any time you want, which is just not a reality in a most modern marriages.

A man has to learn to control his urges. It may seem impossible to do, but it is really not all that difficult once you really decide to do it and learn a few mental techniques. It can also be a pathway to getting control of other parts of your life. Also, if you are under control, when you do have sex with your wife, it is much more satisfying and meaningful.


#20

Aye,it should be lets help one another and our children ,if we have them ,to get to heaven.
If someone has 'strong s****l desires they also may have an addiction that needs addressing Before marriage. :thinking:


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