Last year my husband betrayed me… I had the worst Christmas ever.
This Christmas although he is a better person. I can not seem to forget what he put me through. I understand that out of the bad…God brought good. I see that. But sometimes I feel that being so understanding and forgiving… I get taken advantage of by my husband.
Today… I find myself… giving him the guilt trip. Truly making him feel terribly. I hate myself for doing that to him. I know our Lord would not act in that manner. All I wanted to do was be a good person in this life… do good for others and help my family come closer to God.
Now…if I die today will the Lord have mercy on me?? I am afraid that because it is so hard for me to be like Jesus (forgiving) …I am loosing the oppertunity to enter heaven. (I do not want to resent my husband for tainting my heart for his actions.)
I can’t answer your question about what will happen if you died today, but when I feel tempted to be unforgiving, I find it helps to meditate on the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant:
That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the accounting, a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount. Since he had no way of paying it back, his master ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, his children, and all his property, in payment of the debt.
At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’ Moved with compassion the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan.
When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount. He seized him and started to choke him, demanding, ‘Pay back what you owe.’
Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he refused. Instead, he had him put in prison until he paid back the debt.
Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master and reported the whole affair. His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?’
Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt. So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart." (Matthew 18:23-35)
An act of perfect contrition suffices outside of sacramental confession.
An act of imperfect contrition suffices within sacramental confession.
Meditation upon the Passion of our Lord Jesus Christ is an excellent way of coming to perfect contrition.
PRAYER FOR DAILY NEGLECTS
PENANCE: The Sacrament by which, as a repentant sinner, I receive forgiveness of even mortal sins, and thus become again a living member of Christ’s Mystical Body. Tonight, therefore, I shall examine my conscience in preparation for a full Confession, realizing that I must have a genuine sorrow for sin, together with a determination to sin no more.
ETERNAL FATHER, I offer Thee the Sacred Heart of Jesus,
with all Its Love, all Its sufferings, and all Its merits:
TO EXPIATE all the sins I have committed this day, and during all my life.
GLORY BE, etc.
TO PURIFY the good I have done poorly this day,
and during all my life.
GLORY BE, etc.
TO SUPPLY for the good I ought to have done,
and that I have neglected this day
and during all my life.
“erazo”… my heart goes out to you. You have obviously been wounded by what happened.
It is not possible for any of us to speculate about where anyone else will go, when they die. But I understand your concern. I think it’s something that we all feel… at times in our lives. We’ve all been where you are, now. Hang on, please. It will get better.
My advice to you would be to go and speak to a priest. And then, trust in the loving Mercy of Our dear Lord. He loves you, very much. And He also loves your husband.
Ask Jesus to help you both, with the “forgiveness/healing process”. May He bless you and grant you both a peaceful and holy Christmas.