My mom is visiting and I am just struggling. It's been this way for ages, but everything she says and does just bugs the daylights out of me. I think the biggest thing is having her around makes me realize all the dumb stuff I say and do and all the things I don't like about myself. After she leaves, any self-confidence I have is just depleted and I want to hide under a rock and not burden anyone with my presence if I act anywhere near the way she does. I don't like people I know (esp my in-laws) to meet or be around her b/c it's just so embarrassing.
I'm sure the root of all of this is pride . . .Anyway, I asked mom to come help with the kids b/c DH's work schedule is wacky this week. I can't even get in the front door when I come home from work and mom is just telling me every minute detail about the goings-on of the day. I can hardly get a breath! I think she has a guilty conscience about silly stuff and just wants to get stuff off her chest so I don't think she's hiding anything from me. I wish she would just be like everyone else and say, 'yeah, we had a good day, we read some and played some and had a good time,' and leave it at that.
Whenever I know she is coming, I kill myself to get everything in order b/c she is easily distracted and gets tied up in tasks around the house rather than caring for the kids. Don't know why I bother, she will always find something to busy herself with besides the kids. I even have to hide the magazines and catalogs b/c she'll stick her nose in them and completely neglect the children. She'll get so caught up in a task of self-interest that she's actually kind of mean to the kids if they do anything to interrupt or annoy her (which isn't hard to do). Yet whenever I discipline the kids, she's quick to criticize how unkind I am if they are the least bit unhappy with me!
The other thing that bugs me (and I notice this about myself) is that she will argue on a subject that she knows nothing about. She presumes so much about people that she doesn't even know. Whenever we drive around, she has to tell me every little thing about everyone she knows who lived here or there, yet she doesn't know any of these people! She was telling me something the other day and I just had to stop her and say 'Do you know that for a fact? Ok, so you're just presuming.' She even flat-out lied to me just to win a dumb argument. And that's the thing, she has to win every verbal exchange and come out on top an any cost, even alienating someone. She gets so heated if you challenge her the least little bit, that she will just spat out the dumbest nonsense just to feel like she won. It's sad, it's like this is all she has to hang on to to feel important.
And she treats everything like it's a moral issue. I went to buy a garden tool and she asked me what I was using it for (challenge made). I told her and she gives the look and the tone like, 'you don't want to do that, I wouldn't recomment it.' I explain that I've had one and used in the past, but it got lost and I need a replacement. I'm the one using it in MY yard and this is what I want. To which she says 'Ok' in a way as if to say 'go ahead, but you're wrong and you'll see that I was right all along and you should listen to everything I say.' This from the woman who doesn't lift a finger at home, she's the expert on EVERYTHING. If you disagree with her, it's safe to assume that you will burn in hell b/c she knows better.
UGH! But in her defense, I can see how my stepping on her toes and treating her like she's incompetent actually causes her to ACT incompetant. If someone treated ME like I don't know what I'm doing, then I would probably just live down to their expectations. I just can't get outside of myself to begin to handle these visits better. I have tried countless times to sit down and talk to her, but she gets defensive and goes around pouting for days. I wish I knew how to act to make the situation better, but we are just too much alike.
On a side note, my brother called to say that he and his girlfriend are coming to visit this weekend. I know we're gonna go out to eat, which is fine b/c I never get to go out and it would just be too much for me to cook for all of us, but I just have to huff and puff. If dad were here, he'd pick up the tab, but mom on her own, no way. Either me or my brother will end up getting it. I just don't get it how she can be so stingy. Yeesh!
So then Sunday is the only day I have to go shopping for a bridal shower I have next weekend and I knew I'd be breaching a sensitive subject w/ mom b/c she has a thing (a very BIG thing) about doing 'unnecessary commerce' on Sundays. I would normally agree, but sometimes our schedules are off and it's going to happen. So anyway, in one breath she's thanking me for gassing up her car, and in the next breath she says it would be okay if I bought her lunch on Sunday, just so long as she didn't pay. Are we splitting hairs or what!!! Give me a break! I think I'll pack her a PB&J.
Ok, guess I'll be going to confession for this!