If you don't want children...

What should you do? Should you stop dating completely and totally forget about marriage? I know that birth control is a sin in the church, and that you are not allowed to get married unless you have kids, so is the only option to just stop dating for the rest of your life? What would you do?

Well, why don’t you want children? Do you have the impression that God is calling you to His service in the single life? If so, then give up dating and all else that pertains to preparation for marriage and develop your vocation. Do you fear that you may be inadequate to take care of children? In that case, join the rest of the world. If only parents who were fully ready to take care of children had them, there would be no more children. Do you suffer from some serious illness of body mind or soul which would really make it impossible for you to be an adequate parent? In that case it would also prevent you from being a full marriage partner, and you should not pursue marriage (including dating). So the question of what you do if you don’t want children is only part of the much larger question, “What is God calling you to do with your whole life?”

I don’t plan of having kids since the disease I have is genetic. Therefore I don’t bother with dating and will not marry. This is my choice and one more cross to bear. I just hope there is something in heaven like marriage for singles.

Discern your vocation. Stop thinking about what you want to get out of life. Start thinking about how God is calling you to serve Him.

I have never once in my life wanted children. The thought of it makes me extremely unhappy. I have had dreams before that I was pregnant or had children and all I kept thinking was that my life was ruined and that I wanted to get rid of them. I like children, but I do not want any of my own, ever. This is not a new feeling. I have always felt this way. Because I don’t want children I know that I would not be that good of a parent and children deserve the best. Since I wouldn’t give that, I am not having children. It would not be fair for a child to come into the world when the parents didn’t even want it. The thought of having kids makes me so unhappy. I just am not the parent type. Now, I am a good Christian and I am nice to kids and get along with them but I don’t want any for myself. I think it would be wise for me never to have kids. I can’t explain the feeling I have, but I guess some people are just better without children and I happen to be one of them. I can’t help the way I feel.

A permanent intention against children is an impediment to valid marriage.

I’m a young female and I don’t want children either even though I enjoy the company of children immensely. I’ve always struggled financially and still do and I don’t want to perpetuate that; it’s selfish. My parents were extremely short-sighted when they decided to have children, they never made plans or provisions. Also my mother was not the maternal sort and I don’t think I would be either. Financially struggling children with psychological problems. I think I will opt out.

So your advice would be to not get married, correct? What about dating? what if that leads to marriage?

I’m not prying, so tell me nothing about your disease, however:

I have a child with down syndrome, and I’m sure he is happier to be alive than not to have existed at all. And he has enriched our lives and the lives of many others.

ALL I’m saying is that the gift of life is immeasurably more important than any condition or disease that may mar it. In fact a person with perfect physical and mental health, blessed with looks and intelligence is still going to struggle in life. Life is like that since the “Fall”!

I recommend therapy.


[BIBLEDRB]Matthew 22:30[/BIBLEDRB]

I have been seeing a counselor for years. She has helped me more than you know. Juliane, are you saying I should seek therapy to want kids?

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The sole purpose of dating is that it lead to marriage. So there would be no point to dating. Have you considered a different vocation?

I don’t recommend dating unless you are ready for marriage.

That said, I also don’t think that it’s a good idea to choose one vocation (religious order, or single life) out of fear of the challenges that come with another. If God is calling you to single life, then that is something that you should desire in and of itself and not because it’s get you out of changing dirty diapers!

Remember that satan uses fear as a tool to sabatage you from doing God’s will. I’m sure that many married Catholics out there experienced considerable fear of being open to life and potentially having 10 kids…but that’s a fear that we all need to fight because it’s a simple fact that God NEVER gives us more then we can handle!

For example, when I was in my teens, nothing scared me more (on the surface) then the idea of having kids (much less a large family). But when I look back on my life now I see that a deeper desire to be married and have children had always existed and that impacted my choice of career when I was in University, the development of my faith after I finished school, and really every aspect of my daily life. Really, once I returned to my faith and addressed these fears, it’s quite clear to me that my true desire is to one day be married. Thinking about single life or the priesthood doesn’t really scare me, but they just seem like hollow existances and pretty soon I find myself day-dreaming about the future hand-hockey tournaments I’m going to have in the back yard with my kids one day!

I am going to become a groomer. I’m getting my license for it. I want to work with animals because I love animals. Right now I am with somebody, have been for about a year and a half. I love him very much. I really don’t know where to go from here as he told me he would like to marry me someday. He doesn’t want kids either. I would love to marry him, but neither of us are open to kids so I know that its probably not an option, and that hurts me a lot. What should I do?

I understand exactly what you’re saying, but its not necessarily a fear. I am not scared of having children, it’s that I don’t want them. I’m not interested in raising or taking care of a child for the next 18+ years. Just not my cup of tea. I don’t understand why, but the thought of it just turns me off from the whole idea of having a family. I really just have no desire to have children. Its weird I know.

There is no marriage in heaven as the Gospels make plain. I would say given heaven differs so much from Earth and is a state of perfection you will not feel the loss as I suspect our priorities regarding such matters will be altered if we are lucky enough to enter paradise.

Jharek is right.

In heaven you will not think of marriage because its not on our list of needs. Marriage is for humans, because its how we reproduce and its not good for man to be alone. We won’t need to have partners or reproduce in heaven so there is no need for marriage in heaven.

We will all be friends with each other. We will not want sex or want to have children in heaven. Its just not part of being an angel. :slight_smile:

Id agree with most of this except I just wanted to point out we will never become angels as these are created beings of another order than humans.

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