Since a few weeks my life is a complete mess and failure. I cry all the times. I have the feeling that God doesn’t love me or doesn’t want me anymore. I pray like 50 times a day but it’s like he doesn’t hear me. And I’ve noticed that I’m practically always facing a tragedy each year around november - december. And it’s the month I had commited a sin when I was 14 years old (i’m soon to be 23). Does that makes sense? I’ve done everything to be forgiven, it really feel like God has forgiven me. He’s my father and the being i love the most in the existence. I can not live without him. And I have the feeling he does bless me all the year, expect in november - december, the time I had commited the sin…I don’t understand. What can i do?
Hon, I think your best bet is going and talking one on one with a catholic priest. Maybe make an appointment to go see your priest. He may be able to give you the advice you need.
Receive the sacraments! Make sure you’re going to confession and taking communion.
Meanwhile, I’m going to pray for you. :gopray:
Forgive yourself. When Jesus was being nailed on the cross he said, "Forgive them for they know not what they are doing."
You are loved and forgiven already, just forgive yourself. It seems you are very sincere and have punished yourself enough.
dear Alix… I feel like we’re in a similar situation. I’m going through a trial right now where I feel far from God, I’m wondering if it’s because of my sins, and I feel like my prayers aren’t reaching Him … I’m even the same age as you
I want to encourage you to not rely on feelings so much. Sometimes God takes away the feeling of His presence so that we can learn to not rely on such things, and to have a stronger faith. You said you don’t feel like God loves you anymore… well just think of Jesus on the Cross. Would He really stop loving you after dying such a death for you? After instituting the Eucharist, in which He transforms a little piece of bread into His Body and Blood, just to unite Himself with you?
He loves us because of who He is, not because of anything we’ve done. He loves everyone, even the greatest sinners. So there’s NOTHING we can do that would stop Him loving us. Even if you had committed all the possible sins of the world, He would just keep on calling you back to Him, because He wants you to be with Him always. Remember how in the Gospels, it says if a sinner repents all of Heaven rejoices? The love of God IS the most secure thing we have here on earth, or anywhere, because God IS love. He can not be otherwise. So try to trust in His goodness and in His mercy. Since you’ve repented of this sin and confessed it, He’s forgiven you, and remembers it no more. Maybe this time you’re going through is meant to help you grow in your faith. It’s not a punishment.
God bless you :hug1:
“Sooner would heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My Mercy not embrace a trusting soul.” Jesus to St Faustina
Perhaps your memory is making you try to hide from God’s love.
I second forgiving yourself. I have problems with this too… Offer up your suffering and be not afraid
From St Faustina's Diary "Divine Mercy in My Soul"
*The Goodness of God. *
*The mercy of God, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament, the voice of the Lord who speaks to us from the throne of mercy: Come to Me, all of you. *
*Conversation of the Merciful God with a Sinful Soul. *
Jesus: Be not afraid of your Savior, O sinful soul. I make the first move to come to you, for I know that by yourself you are unable to lift yourself to me. Child, do not run away from your Father; be willing to talk openly with Your God of mercy who wants to speak words of pardon and lavish his graces on you. How dear your soul is to Me! I have inscribed your name upon My hand; you are engraved as a deep wound in My Heart.
Soul: Lord I hear Your voice calling me to turn back from the path of sin, but I have neither the strength nor the courage to do so.
Jesus: I am your strength, I will help you in the struggle.
Soul: Lord I recognize Your holiness and I fear You.
Jesus: My child, do you fear the God of mercy? My holiness does not prevent Me from being merciful. Behold. for you I have established a throne of mercy on earth - the tabernacle - and from this throne I desire to enter into your heart. I am not surrounded by a retinue of guards. You can come to Me at any moment, at any time; I want to speak to you and desire to grant you grace.
Soul: Lord, I doubt that You will pardon my numerous sins; my misery fills me with fright.
Jesus: My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire World. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed Myself to be nailed to the Cross; for you I let My Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy. Do not argue with Me about your wretchedness. You will give me pleasure if you hand over to Me all your troubles and griefs. I shall heap upon you the treasures of My grace.
Soul: You have conquered, O Lord, my stony heart with Your goodness. In trust and humility I approach the tribunal of Your mercy, where You yourself absolve me by the hand of your representative. O Lord, I feel Your grace and Your peace filling my poor soul. I feel overwhelmed by Your mercy, O Lord. You forgive me, which is more than I dared to hope for or could imagine. Your goodness surpasses all my desires. And now, filled with gratitude for so many graces, I invite You to my heart. I wandered, like a prodigal child gone astray; but You did not cease to be my Father. Increase Your mercy toward me, for You see how weak I am.
Jesus: Child, speak no more of your misery; it is already forgotten. Listen, My child, to what I desire to tell you. Come close to My wounds and draw from the Fountain of Life whatever your heart desires. Drink copiously from the Fountain of Life and you will not weary on your journey. Look at the splendors of My mercy and do not fear the enemies of your salvation. Glorify My mercy.
**Conversation of the Merciful God with a Despairing Soul. **
Jesus: O soul steeped in darkness, do not despair. All is not yet lost. Come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy.
But the soul, deaf even to this appeal, wraps itself in darkness.
Jesus calls out again: My child, listen to the voice of your merciful Father.
In the soul arises this reply, “For me there is no mercy,” and it falls into greater darkness, a despair which is a foretaste of hell and makes it unable to draw near to God.
Jesus calls to the souls a third time, but the soul remains deaf and blind, hardened and despairing. Then the mercy of God begins to exert itself, and, without any co-operation from the soul, God grants it final grace. If this too is spurned, God will leave the soul in this self chosen disposition for eternity. This grace emerges from the merciful Heart of Jesus and gives the soul a special light by means of which the soul begins to understand God’s effort; but conversion depends on its own will. The soul knows that this, for her, is final grace and, should it show even a flicker of good will, the mercy of God will accomplish the rest.
My omnipotent mercy is active here. Happy the soul that takes advantage of this grace.
Jesus: What joy fills My Heart when you return to Me. Because you are weak, I take you in My arms and carry you to the home of My Father.
Soul: (as if awakening, asks fearfully): Is it possible that there is yet mercy for me?
Jesus: There is, My child. You have a special claim on My mercy. Let it act in your poor soul; let the rays of grace enter your soul; they bring with them light, warmth, and life.
Soul: But fear fills me at the thought of my sins, and this terrible fear moves me to doubt Your goodness.
Jesus: My child, all your sins have not wounded My Heart as painfully as your present lack of trust does - that after so many efforts of My love and mercy, you should still doubt My goodness.
Soul: O Lord, save me yourself, for I perish. Be my Savior. O Lord, I am unable to say anything more; my pitiful heart is torn asunder; but You, O Lord…
Jesus does not let the soul finish but, raising it from the ground, from the depths of its misery, he leads it into the recesses of His Heart where all its sins disappear instantly, consumed by the flames of love.
Jesus: Here, soul, are all the treasures of My Heart. Take everything you need from it.
Soul: O Lord, I am inundated with Your grace. I sense that a new life has entered into me and, above all, I feel Your love in my heart. That is enough for me. O Lord, I will glorify the omnipotence of Your mercy for all eternity. Encouraged by Your goodness, I will confide to You all the sorrows of my heart.
Jesus: Tell Me all, My child, hide nothing from Me because My loving Heart, the Heart of Your Best Friend is listening to you.
Soul: O Lord, now I see all my ingratitude and Your goodness. You were pursuing me with Your grace, while I was frustrating Your benevolence. I see that I deserve the depths of hell for spurning Your graces.
Jesus (interrupting): Do not be absorbed in your misery - you are still too weak to speak of it - but, rather, gaze on My Heart filled with goodness, and be imbued with My sentiments. Strive for meekness and humility; be merciful to others, as I am to you; and, when you feel your strength failing, if you come to the fountain of mercy to fortify your soul, you will not grow weary on your journey.
Soul: Now I understand Your mercy, which protects me and like a brilliant star, leads me into the home of my Father, protecting me from all the horrors of hell that I have deserved, not once, but a thousand times. O Lord, eternity will hardly suffice for me to give due praise to Your unfathomable mercy and Your compassion for me.
**Conversation of the Merciful God with a Suffering Soul. **
Jesus: Poor soul, I see that you suffer much and that you so not have even the strength to converse with me. So I will speak to you. Even though your sufferings were very great, do not lose heart or give in to despondency. But tell Me, My child, who has dared to wound your heart? Tell Me about everything, be sincere in dealing with Me, reveal all the wounds of your heart. I will heal them, and your suffering will become a source of your sanctification.
Soul: Lord, my sufferings are so great and numerous and have lasted so long that I become discouraged.
Jesus: My child, do not be discouraged. I know your boundless trust in Me; I know you are aware of My goodness and mercy. Let us talk in detail about everything that weighs so heavily upon your heart.
Soul: There are so many different things that I do not know what to speak about first, nor how to express it.
Jesus: Talk to Me simply, as a friend to a friend. Tell Me now, My child, what hinders you from advancing in holiness?
Soul: Poor health detains me on the way to holiness. I cannot fulfill my duties. I am as useless as an extra wheel on a wagon. I cannot mortify myself or fast to any extent, as the saints did. Further more, nobody believes I am sick, so that mental pain is added to those of the body, and I am often humiliated. Jesus, how can anyone become holy in such circumstances?
Jesus: True, My child, all that is painful. But there is no way to heaven except the way of the cross. I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest and surest way.
Soul: Lord, there is another obstacle on the road to holiness. Because I am faithful to You, I am persecuted and suffer much.
Jesus: It is because you are not of this world that the world hates you. First it persecuted Me. Persecution is a sign that you are following in My footsteps faithfully.
Soul: My Lord, I am also discouraged because neither my superiors nor my confessor understand my interior trials. A darkness clouds my mind. How can I advance? All this discourages me from striving for the heights of sanctity.
Jesus: Well, My child, this time you have told Me a great deal. I realize how painful it is not to be understood, and especially by those whom one loves and with whom one has been very open. But suffice it is to know that I understand all your troubles and misery. I am pleased by the deep faith you have, despite everything, in My representatives. Learn from this that no one will understand a soul entirely - that is beyond human ability. Therefore, I have remained on earth to comfort your aching heart and to fortify your soul, so that you will not falter on the way. You say that a dense darkness is obscuring your mind. But why, at such times, do you not come to Me, the light who can in an instant pour into your soul more understanding about holiness than can be found in any books? No confessor is capable of teaching and enlightening a soul this way.
Know, too, that the darkness about which you complain I first endured in the Garden of Olives when My Soul was crushed in mortal anguish. I am giving you a share in those sufferings because of My special love for you and in view of the high degree of holiness I am intending for you in heaven. A suffering soul is closest to My Heart.
Soul: One more thing, Lord. What should I do when I am ignored and rejected by people, especially by those on whom I had a right to count in times of greatest need?
Jesus: My child, make the resolution never to rely on people. Entrust yourself completely to My will saying, “Not as I want, but according to Your will, O God, let it be done unto me.” These words, spoken from the depths of one’s heart, can raise a soul to the summit of sanctity in a short time. In such a soul I delight. Such a soul gives Me glory. Such a soul fills heaven with the fragrance of her virtue. But understand that the strength by which you bear suffering comes from frequent Communions. So approach this fountain of mercy often, to draw with the vessel of trust whatever you need.
Soul: Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness in remaining with us in this exile as the God of mercy and blessing us with the radiance of Your compassion and goodness. It is through the light of Your mercy that I have come to understand how much You love me.
**Conversation of the Merciful God with a Soul Striving after Perfection. **
Jesus: I am pleased with your efforts, O soul aspiring for perfection, but why do I see you so often sad and depressed? Tell Me, My child, what is the meaning of this sadness, and what is its cause?
Soul: Lord, the reason for my sadness is that, in spite of my sincere resolutions, I fall again into the same faults. I make resolutions in the morning, but in the evening I see how much I have departed from them.
Jesus: You see what you are of yourself. The cause of your falls is that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot exhaust. Remember, I did not allot only a certain number of pardons.
Soul: Yes, I know all that but the great temptations assail me, and various doubts waken within me and moreover, everything irritates and discourages me.
Jesus: My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace, not even momentarily. Sensitiveness and discouragement are fruits of self love. You should not become discouraged, but strive to make My love reign in place of your self love. Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you glorify My mercy.
Soul: I understand what is the better thing to do, what pleases You more, but I encounter great obstacles in acting on this understanding.
Jesus: My child, life on earth is a struggle indeed; a great struggle for My kingdom. But fear not, because you are not alone. I am always supporting you, so lean on Me as you struggle, fearing nothing. Take the vessel of trust and draw from the fountain of life - for yourself, but also for other souls, especially such as are distrustful of My goodness.
Soul: O Lord, I feel my heart being filled with Your love and the rays of Your mercy and love piercing my soul. I go, Lord, at Your command. I go to conquer souls. Sustained by Your grace, I am ready to follow You Lord, not only to Tabor, but also to Calvary. I desire to lead souls to the fount of Your mercy so that the splendor of Your mercy may be reflected in all souls, and the home of our Father be filled to overflowing. And when the enemy begins to attack me, I shall take refuge behind the shield of Your mercy.
this happens to me all the time too. But in a way, when we don’t forgive ourselves, we are making ourselves into God. We’re telling HIm, that His forgiveness is not enough… that the sin is still there. But it’s not… He’s forgotten it so we should too
Is it possible you have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?
Try being quiet, and listening to what God wants of you. A good place to do this is at adoration.
A man has a problem with driving too fast, no matter how hard he tries, he always finds himself driving over the speed limit. He's given ticket after ticket, and it's still not deturing him. He is constantly worried he's going over the speed limit, and while he's on the road, he's constantly thinking about it, worried about it, and finds himself driving too fast regardless.
Another driver never drives over the speed limit, this is his nature, he doesn't worry about it, he doesn't even think about it, it's effortless for him, zero struggles at all.
You see my point here, and why it's said to focus on the Kingdom of God above all else. It's not about white knuckling it the whole time, it's like the mindset, you are a normal driver, this is just who you are by default, and it's an inside job. If who you are by default with this example is a driver that constantly breaks the law, there is nothing you can do to avoid it, you are doing this on your own, and only adopting the mindset of that conservative driver is going to change it, we of course get the added bonus of having Christ help us change our mindset because he is the one that should be in control, and it's about letting his will override your own that affects change.
Pray that His will becomes Your will, what ever happens, what ever goals, dreams or aspirations you have, leave them to the side, only focus on this one thing and let him work out the rest, because he's ready willing and able to.
[quote="alix, post:1, topic:179569"]
Since a few weeks my life is a complete mess and failure. I cry all the times. I have the feeling that God doesn't love me or doesn't want me anymore. I pray like 50 times a day but it's like he doesn't hear me. And I've noticed that I'm practically always facing a tragedy each year around november - december. And it's the month I had commited a sin when I was 14 years old (i'm soon to be 23). Does that makes sense? I've done everything to be forgiven, it really feel like God has forgiven me. He's my father and the being i love the most in the existence. I can not live without him. And I have the feeling he does bless me all the year, expect in november - december, the time I had commited the sin...I don't understand. What can i do?
I agree with the poster who said make an appt with a priest. You never mentioned here that you went to confession and I checked your ID corner here and noted you were Catholic..... so........
If you already have confessed this sin of long ago, it sounds like you still need to discuss it; again appt with priest!
Nov/Dec is the holidays. There are an awful lot of people for whom this is not the best time of year....... you may need to create meaning for this time of year other than "the sin." So once again, I agree with the poster who said make an appt. It's advent. What a terrific way to prepare for Christ's coming.
I believe that God doesn’t make sense most especially to the people that He trusts to stay with Him despite that. (Perhaps also the people that don’t know Him as well but that’s a different story)
I liked the person that said the trial makes your faith grow, and it’s my experience too.
I’m going through some similar trials even now, and I don’t believe it’s because of sin, especially when it first began. It actually first began because I wanted to make someone happy. Then because I stayed faithfully by another abusive person; my mother. It may seem like I was just hurting myself, but there is a value in suffering for someone else, especially in your suffering for love of Him. It’s been almost 10 years now and I’m only in remission from the onset of the illness that was coded into my genes; schizophrenia. It was I’m sure the worst thing I’ll go through and my life’s still not put together. But it doesn’t matter. I suffered for a good cause and I’ve seen the glimmer of the promise of everlasting life. All I know to say now is that it was the image of the glorified body, or a dark reflection if you take Paul’s words in the New Testament; that of a fiery soul in the form of an eagle to worship in total loyalty to the One Who Created me. And I’ve seen the effect of giving merits away from that; I know one of these people has now repented and the other one who died I know has gotten a second chance and took it. Not that any merit you can give away saves someone, it just helps them choose Him, because only Christ’s merits can save.
Ft. John Corapi puts it like this: Wisdom is found at the exact intersection of the beams of the wood of the cross.
The sacred books on Wisdom (Proverbs Sirach Wisdom Ecclesiastes . . .) say this: Draw to wisdom with your full strength; place your back to her plow . . . it is only the fool that throws her [wisdom] off like a heavy stone
You have been no fool dear friend of God, I hope I’m not too confusing as I can be but you’ve pained yourself for our God and he will reward the one that shows the depth of love in their heart;
I’m not sure what else to say except this: If you’ve been bearing suffering that is the price to pay for wisdom from Him I’ve read and service to Him, if you read Sirach chapter 2.
I believe it would help to read the Wisdom Books, Job to Sirach, cover to cover, your going through a lot and that makes one wise indeed. These books come as part of the Love Letter we have from our Lord; I started with Sirach and Proverbs but it took time to understand them in a deeper way; it takes thought and prayer, especially of the heart.
Know your blessedness, for you do not feel Him yet love Him as a bride does her husband; and what else would we be like? It is only an analogy that we are like His bride before Him; we cannot understand how He gives meaning to a life and love to souls, except that He does.
In due time God shine forth as a brilliant sun to you,
Thank you everyone for all your support. My situation has been improving somewhat. Hopefully everything is going get fixed very soon so that I can celebrate christmas in the best way. The thing is that it’s pretty difficult for me to have an appointment with a priest, even to reach the church.because well…I am living in a rather isolated place and the church is often closed.
Yes I think I went to confession, but I’m not sure, I am french and I should check the exact translation of this word.
And thank you for all the quotations of the Bible, I’m going to hang in there!