My stepmother will be here this summer and I need to know what to say/not say to her.
A very long time ago, my mother died a tragic death. I was understandably very upset. Yes, I was a little hard to get along with. However, I was not violent or mean. I didn’t do drugs, I didn’t drink (I still don’t), I wasn’t getting into trouble, I just wasn’t myself. Well, my stepmother kicked me out of the house. She no longer liked me. I didn’t know waht I had done. I even had our Pastor come over and talk to us. SInce she didn’t want me in the house, we had to sit on the porch. She was treating me like a criminal and she had no reason to.
This went on for 10 years. For 10 years I did not see anyone in my family. I wrote and wrote with apologies and asking for forgiveness but it didn’t matter. The only reason I started seeing them again is because my step sister had a baby and I went to the Christening. Remember, this is the first time I had seen any of my family for 10 years. And when I was there, I asked my stepmothers best friend if things were OK and she said there was. That was in 2004 and they have been talking to me since then. And the best friend is the only confirmation I recieved that all is well. To this day, my parents have never talked about it.
Well, last summer, my step sister and i finally talked about it. My sister asked me why I chose to leave the family. I told her how I had apologized and wrote many letters asking for forgiveness and to be let back into the family. I even showed her a letter my stepmom wrote to me saying that it didn’t matter if I apologized, I was not apologizing correctly. And my stepmother wrote that she had no reason to ever have a relationship with me again. (I still have this letter) This really upset my stepsister because she had believed her mother for all those years telling people that it was my choice to leave the family. My stepsister and i lost all of that time together. (she and I were close growing up)
Well, I thought I could bury all of those feelings under a rug but it’s not working. It has really been bugging me lately… A LOT. And something recently really set me off. I haven’t talked or emailed my parents in a while because i’ve been busy and my stepmother actually emailed and told me to just write or call every now and then so they will know I am OK. That really made me angry because all I wanted to know is why now. Why do they care now all of a sudden? Why didn’t they care for 10 long years if I was alive or dead? They abandoned me right when my mother died when I needed them the most.
When I see my parents I never talk about it but I don’jt know if I can let it go anymore. My stepmother is the kind of person who is never ever wrong so I don’t know if it would be worth bringing it up. My fiance says she is the sort of ultimatum type person and she will always be convinced she is right no matter what.
But here is the thing. Right now, every thing my stepmother does and says makes me mad for some reason or another. I know it’s because this bigger thing is down there festering. I know it’s going ot explode and I don’t know how to stop it. I really don’t. I know that when they are here this summer, it might not go so well. And I am getting married in December but having a reception in July. (the dates are a long story and not relavent) I don’t want to tell them off just before or after a reception and cause problems but I don’t know how long I can hold it in. I am 38 years old and I’m really really hurt and the hurt isn’t going away like I thought it would. Instead it’s manifesting into other areas.