I’m a 22 year old single female Catholic and I’ve never dated before. There are very few people my age that go to Church in my town so I find it hard to meet anyone.
A friend suggested I try online dating so I’m thinking if giving it a try but I’m a bit nervous.
Has anyone here used it before? If so how did it work out?
I would like to know any advice or any “red flags” or anything at all.
You ought to use a Catholic site such as catholicmatch. This particular service asks people to provide a profile about themselves which includes their religious views. Then you can screen out Catholics that may not entirely have Catholic views.
In fact, I met my wife on Catholic match. I had joined several sites that covered everyone, which turned out to be a waste of time, if you want to marry a Catholic. Besides the possibility of hearing from someone who is lying about himself or a con artist asking you to send them money.
I had decided myself to try such a Catholic service, because, what do you have to lose by trying it?
I also signed up as a young woman on a major Catholic dating website, just to see what kind of matches I would get.
Most of them were 40+ years old, so if you’re looking for someone twice your age, it will probably work well (sarcasm). I don’t have much faith in it, but maybe its changed since then; it has been a couple of years
I was thinking about trying out online dating, i’m pretty close to your age, but I don’t hear good things about it. But you gotta find these things out for yourself. In on thread to hear responses from folks about their experiences.
I was thinking on still putting it off until I get solid employment, because it’s easier to get women IRL to go on dates because they don’t really seem to care about this, but online I think they might. But idk.
I think redflags would be someone who is not 100% faithful to the magisterium of the Catholic Church.
Oh and people without clear profile pictures would be a red flag for me too.
Have a decent profile and treat it like an investment. Don’t throw up a fuzzy, old senior picture especially if it doesn’t look like you. Don’t try it for just a month, complain it doesn’t or can’t work and give up.
Have pictures up of you having fun. You don’t have to look glamorous ALL them time.
If you sign up for Catholic Match, it’s a “man’s market”, even though most if not all the guys on there don’t realize it. So I guess you could say you’ll be competing (not a bad, catty sort of way) for attention to some extent
Like I said with 1, you’ll need to invest (that is pay) for the site. However, if the site has added features like message forums, well, just remember WHY you are on there. I would think no one would need to pay $25 a month to argue religion, politics or sports with someone on-line…
Don’t take any nonsense. Follow your feminine instincts and don’t make excuses for men just because they look and/or are “different”.
Be VERY wary of international dating and dating those who are not residents in your country. VISA scams happen a lot on-line.
Signing for a Catholic site and meeting people locally will reduce headaches greatly It is to your advantage to see the person you are in a relationship with often. Skype, the phone and on-line chat are not nor ever will be substitutes for in-person dating.
Know that a lot of people with depression, mental issues, ect. seek attention and dating on-line as well. Some of them can be in a decent relationship and have these issues managed and some do not.
If you’re really not interested in someone, let them know. Some sites have discreet features for this.
Avoid men who are married, engaged on dating sites unless they are site administration. Do not entertain any advances from such men.
Be a little wary of guys who insist on just being friends and don’t be surprised if suddenly, they declare their undying love for you. Instead, refer them to this site and to me specifically for a nice talk.
If you are with someone who doesn’t match up with the values on their profile, by all means inquire as to why. If you find yourself compromising Catholic values, that’s a red flag.
NEVER EVER send money to people on-line you wish to date. It is NOT being nice, it is SCANDAL. In fact, don’t even think of getting financially involved at least until you are engaged for a Catholic wedding.
Avoid drama storms at all costs. Don’t fight with someone on-line or on social media; Block them, remove them. (I’ve done this with women several times). If someone is threatening harm to you or themselves, don’t cave and don’t feel like you have to be there or it will be your fault. Call the police.
It’s probably more so the case for women, but don’t be surprised if you are talking to or even dating a guy and he’s still talking to other women on-line. Obviously, if you two are committed, that’s a big problem and grounds to end the encounter. However, it’s not unusual for people to be talking to multiple prospects at once. If you need clear boundaries set once it gets more “serious”, fine. But also don’t make it look like you’re checking up on his activity all the time, either.
It might take more than one encounter to find the right guy, and that’s okay. :yup:
The way you get dates with women is based primarily on how you communicate with them. If you can communicate with them romantically, especially a peer, you’ll be in good shape.
I don’t think you necessarily have to wait to working full time, just have a good plan for the future. It might turn away an woman who is 10-12 years older than you with a successful career, but I think you’d be okay with your peers and women younger than you.
You can do on-line dating, but another piece of advice is to make sure you and the girl you are with are having fun. Don’t focus entirely on being loyal to the Church. It doesn’t mean you compromise the Church, but if that’s the focus of a dating relationship, you’re going to be very limited in who you date.
I’m 45 and tried online Catholic dating services before I met my husband, when I was in my early 30s. I was signed up with two and communicating with a couple of men when I met him, though we didn’t meet online. I had very good experiences with online dating. I met two or three people in person. One I dated for 6 months before coming to the mutual conclusion to part ways. Another became a good friend and came to my wedding. To this day, we are in touch. I would have gone to his wedding, but I was 9 months pregnant at the time. The third was very nice, but we didn’t hit it off. :shrug: I appreciated the fact that we could correspond with each other and I could rule out obviously incompatible men without ever dating.
I was on Catholicmatch, but my favorite is the site that became avemariasingles.com. They had a different name back then, but I don’t remember what it was. I’m not sure if they are still around. It was expensive and there were fewer people than on Catholicmatch, but a higher percentage of them seemed to be serious about their faith.
With regard to #13, bear in mind that standard etiquette says that women are not to accept large gifts from men that they are not engaged to. The engagement ring is pretty much the first time it’s OK to get a large present from a man. Nice women know it’s not kosher to accept large gifts from a non-fiance or non-husband so, if a woman accepts or solicits a large gift from a non-fiance, she’s most likely not a nice woman.
You also run into the opposite gender problem, even in real life. One of my younger female relatives, when she was in her teens and more naive, once lent $800 (in early/mid 1990s money–a huge chunk of her summer earnings) to a guy she’d been seeing at a summer course. Needless to say, she saw neither the guy nor the money ever again. An unpleasant experience, but very educational!
I met my husband on Catholic Singles.
hang out in the chat room there…talk to everyone. Everyone know the people that have been there a while and can warn you off the “players”. YES, there are players there.
Also, be very careful about men who want to talk to you on yahoo chat…offsite anywhere really…they want to get you away from where the mods can monitor the conversations. Dating sites are really good about booting scammers, but there are new ones every day. Stay one the site. Talk to everyone that wants to talk. I felt sorry for my Joe…he had the most awful picture ever on his profile. I thought, sheesh, nobody’s going to talk to this Irish farmer…so I started talking to him, and found out he looked NOTHING like the picture and was single, no baby mama drama, and witty, and wonderfully devout. He moved to the States to marry me, a widow. Been married 4 years. Good luck!
I’m a 22 year old single male Catholic and have never dated before either, but I have Lamentation’s same sentiments about online dating (It’s not where I want to look), I have never tried it before but in my humble opinion, I don’t like the idea of online dating because 1) I believe it’s easily open to manipulation, scams, danger etc (although these I believe can be avoided if your careful) and 2) 55% of communication is body language, 38% is the tone of voice, and 7% is the actual words spoken.
Id also like to say that I do realise my position is a little biased so please feel free to disregard it if you don’t believe it helps.
I mainly just don’t like the idea of getting to know someone intimately over the internet and the idea of putting myself out there especially in regards to personal imformation about myself out there over the internet, like I’m a commodity on the shelf of a supermarket for people to check out (people I don’t know and can’t see) and decide whether they want to purchase it or not.
p.s. I have never tried online dating before and I also don’t know anyone personally who has used/tried online dating before either, I have also watched a couple episodes of the TV series Dr Phil and have noticed that he has come across quite a few people who have fallen into scams and traps etc set up on online dating sites (e.g. husbands living double lives and having affairs, made up people to coerse men and women into giving them money e.g I need money for the bus to come down and meet you etc things like that).
I hope this has helped, I don’t mean to scare you or anything, but I would say if you do go through online dating, to just be watchful and careful and you should be fine in my humble opinion.
I have tried online dating sites such as OkCupid and Plenty of Fish. I met two guys whom I really like. One of whom is now my best friend and I’ve known him for a few years. Unfortunately he’s not a Christian and that is one obstacle to me ever marrying him. Plus he doesn’t seem like he wants to get married.
I talked for two years to my husband before we married, TWO YEARS. Hard to fake and lie for that amount of time. I found that it was a lot easier to be frank when we were talking on the phone or on Skype. No way to be deceitful. Why? We were thousands of miles form each other. We talked through every possible scenario, every theological opinion, every political opinion, every news item, every family issue, everything. All out. By the time we met, I felt like I was finally face to face with my best friend.
Honesty is possible. If people want to deceive you, they can easily do so face to face. I had plenty of friends who dated guys in person fro years, got married, and THEN found out they had a girl on the side the whole time.
Don’t rule out online dating. Plus, it’s easier to just quit awkward people. Just x out of the page. Gone.
Nobody showing up at your door or work, causing a scene.
Just my 2 cents.
I know it can be risky but there are people who found their spouses online.
I just feel like I should at least give it a try because you never know, I might meet someone.
If it’s bad, I will just delete my profile.
I’ve never done it and it became a thing way after my time, but I think online dating has a lot of advantages over real life.
In real life, you often meet people and talk about this or that, but never find out what’s amazing about them. For instance, my husband has known a guy for a number of years, but just discovered that the guy is a fairly major LEGO reseller in his free time. We had no idea! In real life, you don’t have the wealth of information instantly available to you about all the new people in a room that you can online (although Facebook helps). Online, you can put all of your quirks and selling points right there–you’re an accountant, you figure skate, you love anime, you love LOTR, you’ve traveled to a number of famous European shrines, you are interested in Eastern Christianity, etc. If you are a single person with unusual interests living in a small town, it could be a godsend.
There’s no replacement for actually meeting, but if you are running out of options in your area, why not?
I met my husband through Ave Maria, which is a Catholic dating site. I highly recommend it for faithful, devout Catholics.
That said, even on such sites you will meet players, weirdos, some folks with serious social issues, and also totally normal, sincere people with whom it just doesn’t work out. And, then when you think you’ll never meet the right one-- well, he just comes out of nowhere like my DH did.
Guard your heart. Online sites lend themselves to lengthy phone conversations, Skype, emails, etc, and it’s easy to over share and develop emotional bonds that shouldn’t be there at an early stage of getting to know someone. It leads to a false intimacy sometimes.
Especially since you are inexperienced with dating, please take it slow. I had lots of experience with dating, and still met some frogs even on the Catholic sites.