Steph, ((((BIG hug)))! I just said a prayer to God and another to St. Dymphna for your healing and deliverance from this heavy burden. I am very glad that you are in a safe place where you can get help, even though it’s rough to have to go there. Once they get you on the right combinations of meds, life will seem brighter and worth living again. My mother has depression and I have a cousin who is bipolar, so I’m no stranger to the psych ward scene. I have seen both go from suicidal to productive lives again, once they get their brain chemistry and meds straightened out. Mom was always very self-conscious about needing to be in the hospital, but like I always told her, those who love you only want you to get better, and there is no shame about being in there – the true shame is when people need help and don’t seek it because they are embarrassed! Even though you may feel very alone in this, Jesus, our Blessed Mother, and the holy angels and saints are with you, and your CAF friends are praying for you.
God bless you,