I'm in need of help (Extreme case)


#1

I seriously am trembling right now just by writing this. I don’t think I can go much longer without advice and help…

I’ve always been catholic. I am a 22 y/o girl now. I’ve always lived with my parents and for economic reasons have always slept in my mom’s bed.

When I was about 12 I think I accidentally discovered what it was to ‘touch yourself’ (yes you know what I mean). After showering. But I was terrified after it. I for so long thought of what I had done and struggled with the thought alone. I thought of telling my mom or dad but the thought terrified me. So I kept it. And it haunted me day and night. I didn’t know it was a sin back then. I just thought it was wrong because I thought my parents wouldn’t like me doing it since I wasn’t normally like that. But I didn’t know it was a sin.

Once I got over the thought of it being terrifying (I think I only convinced myself it was going to be okay) I continued doing it every now and then because it felt good. And as I told you guys I slept in my moms bed. But sometimes at night I used to. Under my covers. Touch myself there. I wasn’t doing it like it was a twisted thing or anything. Just in a way of trying not to be caught. And continued doing so. I think I got addicted to it. So it was hard to stop. But I really am not a bad or perverted person. I think it was more like a bad habit I took ( a terrible, terrible one). Or I probably did it out of compulsion (probably OCD, not sure if I have it but I’ve had many symptoms of it from early age) and I thought it was just like having a massage if that makes sense. I didn’t do it out of it being twisted or perverted. Sometimes I wouldn’t even think of anything. Just did it for the feeling. Just like scratching myself, or my head. Just like something natural and normal.

Recently I realized just how wrong it is and I repent. I repent so much. I think I might be the worst person ever for it, actually. And I have even considered to hurt myself. And I just can’t believe it’s got so bad to this point that I don’t even know if I deserve what I have. I am so thankful to God for what I have though, a beautiful loving family. Loving parents. and sister. My mother is so beautiful and caring and loves me just like my dad, he’s the sweetest ever. And I’ve cried. And have asked God for his forgiveness. And I’ve cried when I do it. Because I know it was so wrong. Still I think I may suffer from OCD and I don’t think I’ll ever let that go. I really truly believe I am not that. I am not that sin.

But I need help. I need to hear I’m not a terrible creature because I know God still loves me. Please help me get out of this darkness. Thank you.


#2

Q123,

You are worthy of love because God has loved you into existence from all eternity. He also paid the ultimate price to redeem you. He made you for Himself, because He loves you!

Now we live in a fallen world and we bear the burden of a tendency to sin, called concupiscence. We can accidentally fall into behaviors we later find out are sinful, and then struggle to stop the behavior. And we can fall little by little into things that we know to be wrong, but we cave to the temptation. Both of these ways of falling into sinful habits can be very difficult to get out of.

That is what the sacraments are there to do. Confession whenever we fall, and the Eucharist after Confession, to sustain us when the going gets tough. And beyond the sacraments, we have the sacramentals, which prepare us to receive grace. The Rosary, the Brown Scapular, daily reading of the Bible as a form of spiritual meditation, holy water and so many more. Please, q123, make use of them and learn more about God’s abundant love for you. Don’t despair or fall into self-hatred. God bless you.


#3

Your case isn’t extreme. Never let yourself believe that your sin is greater than God’s mercy. We’re all sinners. Maybe we don’t all sin in the same way, but we’re all sinners. The difference between a saint and the rest of us is how acutely aware a saint is of their own sin. Well, you’ve become aware of your sin, so maybe you’re on your way to becoming a saint!

Sins that have become habits or addictions don’t usually disappear easily. You have to repent, confess, and make changes in your life, learning from each mistake. You may have to repeat that process for awhile before you see progress. But rest assured that God is there to offer you his mercy when you stumble. That’s why he gave us the sacraments! Not so he could chastise you, but so that he could fill you with his abundant grace!

Stop fighting, stop beating yourself up, and let God love you.


#4

Thank you guys so much. I was so broken down. I never want to leave my church and I know I might have done terrible things but I seriously didn’t want to. I just fell into it but I didn’t know how to get out. I want to always turn to Father God and give up on sin. Or at least try as much as I can.


#5

You aren’t alone in this, there are many who struggle with this- I being one of them. When you first started and didn’t know it was sinful, you were sinning, but it wasn’t a mortal sin. You fall into mortal sin when you choose to do something knowing that it’s a sin. Go to confession and talk to your priest about it. I’ve struggled with this for a long time as well and I find it much easier to abstain when I have gone to confession. Think of it this way: it has been said that anyone taking part in an exorcism has to go to confession first. If they dont wholly and heartily confess first- the demon possessing the person will see the stain of sin on them and be able to call them out on it. Satan will see it on you as plain as day- as if you were wearing a sign on your chest with your sins written on it. If you confess, God takes those sins from you and they are no longer a beacon calling out to the evil one. I personally, am on a roll lately- i’ve found that i’ve been able to abstain without effort… but a few weeks ago, while sleeping, the urge took me so ferociously that I thought I was about to peak. I found myself thinking “it’s ok- just finish yourself- it’s just a dream- you won’t harm anything by letting go”- but just as quickly as the thought entered my brain I immediately thought to myself “No! Call on Jesus for help”… and I did- and the feeling went away. Satan knows our weaknesses- he knows how to tempt us to sin. Temptation is not a sin- but letting go and allowing yourself to act on those temptations is. When the feeling arises- pray immediately. Take deep breaths in and out while meditating on Jesus’s name. He’ll come to your aid. Ask our Holy Mother for help- she never ever ignores the pleas of her children. You have great parents here on earth- but your parents in heaven are even greater.

Every battle against temptation that you win is a huge victory over the enemy. The more he tempts you- the more he sees you as a worthy adversary! That’s a huge compliment- it means he sees you moving closer to God and fears he may lose his grip on you! Keep your chin up and pray- ask our Holy Mother to intercede for you. Offer up these temptations and struggles for the conversion of sinners, or for the Holy souls in purgatory. Everytime you abstain, and offer your struggles up, your actions go a long way to not only help yourself- but those around you (here on earth and beyond).

I’ll keep you in my prayers, please remember that you are worthy of God’s love and forgiveness and will be forever.


#6

I think most people struggle with this- either doing it, or the desire to do it. It’s very difficult to stop. I pray for purity. I pray for God to slay my demon of lust (something I heard in a Lighthouse Catholic media talk, I think by Fr. Larry Richards). I wear the Brown Scapular 24/7 and ask Our Lady to help me remain pure.

I can tell you from experience that it gets easier. At first I thought I could never quit, now I know it’s possible.

I remember talking to my priest about it and he said with sexual desires it’s hard to fight them and it’s better to distract yourself.

So rather than go head-to-head with it, run away from it. Go for a walk. Watch TV. Do something else. Pray for help. And when you fall- and we all fail God in some way routinely- pick yourself up and go to confession and things will be okay.

Oh, and avoid the near occasion of sin. Sometimes what makes it the hardest for me is an image I happened to see while scrolling through my Facebook feed. Avoid tv shows that have strong sexual images, stuff like that.

God bless you!


#7

I think you should get out a little more often.


#8

Let me tell you this: babies sometimes do it. It isn’t funny, but it is true.

If babies and young children do it, it is just something that is there. They do it without knowing why.

Then when they get into school, they might do it there, in front of everyone without really thinking. How do I know? I am a mother.

One young boy was always trying to do this anywhere…he tried in a public restaurant. So, if an adult did it there, he’d be arrested, but kids probably never think of it being wrong.

It is not a good habit, but it happens.


#9

You can mention this in confession then forgive yourself and LET IT GO. Don’t doubt God’s love or forgiveness. If the desire for self harming doesn’t go away, then seek out a counselor.


#10

We should hate our sins, but we should never feel anxious about them or have some visceral anger or frustration. A quiet, calm displeasure with the things we do that offend God is exactly what He wants from us.

Check out the sticky thread at the very top of this sub-forum on websites for battling this (very common) sin.

Just be yourself, the young woman God loves, and do good and avoid evil! That’s it.


#11

God loves you so much. Going to confession will bring you peace and strengthen you to avoid this habit.
I wish I could give you a hug now. You are a good person.


#12

I disagree. I believe it may appear to be the same/similar at those ages, but fundamentally it’s not the same because I believe they do not have the same consciousness of it nor would they derive the same pleasure from it, until they hit puberty.

I hope this has helped

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh


#13

:frowning:

I hope you don’t mind if I share some things that have helped me and I believe may help you.

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#15

http://s24.postimg.org/s91lh9u91/Crucifixion.jpg

Michelangelo’s Prodigal Son Painting
http://s12.postimg.org/90aervl0d/Prodigal_Son.jpg

How to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy

Jesus to St Faustina -

"Let the greatest sinners place their trust in My mercy. They have the right before others to trust in the abyss of My mercy. My daughter, write about My mercy towards tormented souls. Souls that make an appeal to My mercy delight Me. To such souls I grant even more graces than they ask. I cannot punish even the greatest sinner if he makes an appeal to My compassion, but on the contrary, I justify him in My unfathomable and inscrutable mercy. Write: before I come as a just Judge, I first open wide the door of My mercy. He who refuses to pass through the door of My mercy must pass through the door of My justice…… (Diary, 1146).

Sacred Heart of Jesus - St Margaret-Mary Alacoque

http://s15.postimg.org/uc0cy5a0r/st_margaretmary2.jpg

Jesus to St Margaret-Mary Alacoque

"Behold the Heart which has so loved men that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting (Crucifixion) and consuming Itself (Last Supper, Eucharist), in order to testify Its love;

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#16

http://s9.postimg.org/66ompoefj/Jesus_in_the_Garden.jpg

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#17

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#19

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#20

Divine Mercy Image - St. Faustina

http://s28.postimg.org/746uzccbx/Divine_Mercy.jpg

"…when you go to confession, to this fountain of My mercy, the Blood and Water which came forth from My Heart always flows down upon your soul and ennobles it. Every time you go to confession, immerse yourself entirely in My mercy, with great trust, so that I may pour the bounty of My grace upon your soul. When you approach the confessional, know this, that I myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden by the priest, but I myself act in your soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of mercy. Souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity. The torrents of grace inundate humble souls." (Diary, 1603).

When boredom and discouragement beat against your heart, run away from yourself and hide in My heart. Do not fear struggle; courage itself often intimidates temptations, and they dare not attack us. Always fight with the deep conviction that I am with you. Do not be guided by feeling, because it is not always under your control; but all merit lies in the will. Always depend upon your superiors, even in the smallest things. I will not delude you with prospects of peace (121) and consolations; on the contrary, prepare for great battles. Know that you are now on a great stage where all heaven and earth are watching you. Fight like a knight, so that I can reward you. Do not be unduly fearful, because you are not alone. (Diary, 1760)

I hope this has helped and I apologies for the length.

May God Bless You

Thank you for reading
Josh


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