I think God may be calling me into the priesthood. I’m not sure yet. I’m going through a lot of emotional and mental turmoil as I try and discern if I have a calling. I would appreciate a lot of prayers from you all as I try and figure it out.
I’ve always desired a family; to have sons and/or daughters that are partially made up of my own flesh and blood has always been one of the things I’ve looked forward to the most in my life. That’s one of the reasons I’ve been having such difficulty in coming to a decision.
I would never deny God’s will, so if He wants me to be a priest, I’ll RUN to the seminary. But in doing so, I’ll be abandoning most of the dreams I’ve ever had, so I want to be certain that God IS calling me to the priesthood.
Since the Holy Father’s passing less than 48 hours ago, I’ve been in awe of the incredible strength he had and the almost boundless love he showed for humanity. When he attempted to give the Easter blessing to the faithful in St. Peter’s Square, and was unable to speak, he pounded the lectern in frustration. He didn’t care that he couldn’t speak and his health was diminishing, he was upset because he was unable to serve God and God’s people. Cardinal Mahoney put it best, “Even in his diminishment and dying, our Holy Father offered himself as a gift for the church and the world, emptying himself, pouring himself out before us.” So while I desire to have a family, I also have a strong desire to imitate this many I have come to so strongly admire.
As I type this I have tears running down my face and I’m uncertain why. I think it may be for several reasons. They’re tears of sadness because I may be letting go of some of my life-long dreams. And they’re also tears of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that I won’t make the right decision when I finally decide. But they’re also tears of joy because I can’t imagine dedicating my life to anything greater than serving God and His Church.
What could be a greater testament to my Faith than giving up everything I’ve ever wanted for Him?.. I think I may come to a decision very soon. Please keep me in your prayers.